


No Backstage

by fullofbloodandhoney



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Radio, Bookstores, LiveJournal, M/M, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-16
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2017-12-05 12:21:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 67,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/723254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullofbloodandhoney/pseuds/fullofbloodandhoney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where Glee is a show on the radio, Chris Colfer sells books and Ryan Murphy owns half the small shops in Los Angeles, popular blogger Darren Criss moves to the city and stumbles into several of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

>   
>   
>  courtesy of the lovely [tere](http://mikehannigan.tumblr.com)  
> x  
> there is also [a fanmix](http://8tracks.com/terryliddell/no-backstage) that goes with this story  
> the fic can be also found on my tumblr right [here](http://fullofbloodandhoney.tumblr.com/tagged/no-backstage)  
> ~*~  
> 

Darren (purpledinosaurs) wrote,

 **Location:** San Francisco, CA

 **Mood:** ecstatic

 **Music:** [Send Me On My Way](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGMabBGydC0)

****

****HEADING SOUTH!** **

I’ve been hoping. Keeping my fingers crossed. Planning. And scheming. And I can’t believe I’m finally getting to share this with you guys. Because it’s definitely happening. And it’s happening in three days.

*takes a deep breath*

I am moving. Woo!

Oh yes, the time has finally come for this little dinosaur to spread his wings and fly, namely to L.A., to fulfil his destiny. I know I kind of sound like I’m narrating an episode of Merlin right now, but frankly, that’s how I feel. Like a fresh-faced sorcerer coming into a new city to finally start his life. Now, if I were actually magic, *that* would be awesome. I’m pretty sure being an actor is the next best thing, though. (Here’s to hoping.)

Sooo, anyway, I’m mostly making this post to let my dear internet people know that this guy is going to be MIA until he gets his freshly cut head of curls all unpacked and set up. So that unfortunately means no videos or songs in the foreseeable future.

Now, before you start sadfacing, capslocking and posting gifs of British actors sobbing in the comment section, calm down and take a deep breath. Because I swear, that as soon as I’m all settled in, I will shower your faces with my face so hard you’ll be sick of it in no time at all.

Let me know what you want to see or hear. Just don’t request Mika again. As much as I love singing in falsetto, I almost dislocated my vocal chords the last time.

To wrap this party up: Keep your fingers crossed and maybe one day you’ll see me on your TV. Or even the big screen. Life is full of possibilities. Dream big and smile big - that’s what my mom always says. Speaking of my mom, I know she reads these, so shout out to you, mom! I love you and I will call you as soon as I’ve arrived!

So. There we go. Time to hit the road.

376 miles. 5 hours. Just me. In my car. With nothing but my radio to keep me company.

Oh _man_.  

 **Tags:** the big move, the adventure continues, work

~ 367 Comments ~

**tiscurtis**

Can’t wait for you to be here, brotha! Your room is all cleared out and by cleared out I mean that I made Dominic take his smelly guinea pig back to his room.

So that means your place is squeak-free now.

Also, hi, Mrs C! I promise we’ll take care of Darren as if he were our own!

 .                             

**rainbowspy**

Hey, don’t dish the guinea pig. You have Kim and I have the right to have somebody to cuddle as well. Speaking of - Darren, you need to get here ASAP, I’m tired of being the third wheel. I *need* a milkshake buddy. And that is _not_ an euphemism for anything, as much as Curt wishes it to be (don’t let him fool you, he’s all angel face and old lady wisdom but his mind is perverted).

 .

**rainbowspy**

Also, funny that you mentioned the radio, since your journey is on Saturday. DON’T FORGET TO TUNE IN ON GLEE AT 7 O’ CLOCK - we’re discussing the episode when you get home. With Thai food (yay or nay?).

 .

**rainbowspy**

Oh and hello, Darren’s mom, I’m Dominic and I’ll be the one sharing a wall with your son!  *awkward wave*

(sorry for spamming your comments, D)

**.**

**Crissian90**

What?! You’re leaving SF? Oh, wow, there goes my chance of ever running into you on the cable! Darn it!

I wish you all the happiness, though. You’re gonna take Hollywood by the storm, I know it already!

**.**

**anonymous**

I challenge you to dress up as Merlin in your video and sing the opening tune of the show. (Sorry but you had that one coming. I can already picture you in that fugly neckerchief.)

**.**

**anonymous**

it’s chuck, by the way

 .

**dammitjoey**

Isn’t anybody going to talk about Darren’s hair? Seriously?

**.**

**kindofaninja**

Moving to a brand new city, eh? Been there. It’s a bit like breaking in a new pair of Chucks (you know how they’re all stiff and white and rubbery and shoes-y and they smell like desiccant at first).

It definitely helps to dance. ;)

Also, it’s always good to check out your comfort places first. Like for instance (and this is a totally random example), if you were one with a weakness for coffee shops, music shops and record stores, you’d explore those first, so you always have a sanctuary in case of trouble.

 

.

 

Darren’s regular coffee shop was unusually quiet that morning. It felt weird. If felt like he was already gone, even if he still had over an hour before he had to jump into his loaded dingy old Mercedes and leave San Francisco along with the delicious coffee of the Philz Coffee behind.

He spared a glance at the tiny stage in the corner, sighing. He wondered how many sessions he played there. It must have been couple of hundreds. The first time Phil let him do it he was 13 and he got shushed by an older lady reading a book by the window. He didn’t budge, though, and had the lady tapping her foot by week three, nodding her head by week five, and in half a year she knew lyrics to all of his original songs (her name was Zelda, she was 63 and was a great friend of Darren’s now).

Anyway, the costumers of Philz Coffee were Darren’s first ever audience. This was his home, along with Streetlight Records on the Market Street. He was going to miss those places bad. They were his sanctuaries. His sacred hangs, man. And ok, that actually reminded him of something he recently read…

Darren’s smile considerably widened as he scrolled through the new comments on his LiveJournal, stopping at Kindofaninja’s and rereading it, fingers tapping against his mug of Dark Roast.

_“…it’s always good to check out your comfort places first.”_

“D’you fancy a refill, buddy?” Phil suddenly appeared next to Darren’s table, making him jump a little. He looked up from his phone, grinning at the old man.

 “Sure,” he shrugged. “It’s a long way to L.A., my friend. Let’s make sure I have enough caffeine in my blood stream.” He winked at Phil, watching as he poured, the delicious smell of coffee overwhelming his senses for a moment.

“We’re going to miss you here, you know,” sighed Phil. “Zelda already requested we play a CD of your songs every Saturday morning in your honour.”

“Well now I wish I had actually released that EP back in 2010.” Darren chuckled, leaning in to take a better whiff on his fresh mug. “You can tell Zelda I’ll probably be back in no time at all. I’m pretty sure they’re going to just laugh at me when I turn up at auditions in Hollywood.”

“Don’t be so harsh on yourself, D. Mark my words, they’re going to eat you up with a spoon down there.”

Darren laughed again as Phil danced away with his pot, going back to his phone. So many people commented on his last post, it was _incredible_.

Not that they were usually reserved. Darren had a surprising amount of fans, who “friended” him on LiveJournal and subscribed to him on YouTube, and they were always quick to comment on anything and everything. Yet, the number of comments he received for his latest post was still kind of overwhelming for an internet nobody.

Darren loved reading his comments, though. It was probably his favourite part of being a blogger. He loved the way people could compare their experiences and the way people could offer him advice or just generally chat to him. He wished he had the time to reply to them all, but as he got more popular on the internet, the number of comments got too big for that. Mostly he was just glad he managed to _read_ them all.

He did have his favourite commenters, though. There were his real life friends, of course, who mostly created their LJ accounts for the sole purpose of being able to lurk on Darren’s posts (namely Curt, Dom and Joey), his brother Chuck, who didn’t even bother to make an account and who obnoxiously commented on every last post and video Darren ever made, suggesting the most ridiculous songs to cover and talking about stuff completely irrelevant to the post, and then there were some online people Darren knew virtually _nothing_ about.

Jo (Crissian90) was one of his original fans as he liked to call the people who friended him after he posted his first ever video (in which he covered I’ll Make a Man Out of You from Mulan and his string popped during the last verse and smacked him in the face). She was a bit overenthusiastic at times, but really lovely, so Darren was rather fond of her.

And then there was Kindofaninja, who was the expert at making Darren giggle, snort and cry, mostly all of those things at the same time. He was a crazy private guy – his own LiveJournal account only contained the year of his birth (which was 1990), and he was always super careful not to reveal any crucial information about his life in his post or comments. The funny thing was that Darren actually wasn’t sure if Kindofaninja was a he or a she, since Kindofaninja never gave any indication of being either... but he called him a “he” in his head anyway. It just felt right.

Kindofaninja was also one of those people who were the _real deal_ on LiveJournal. He was a real blogger with some serious writing talent going on (meaning he wasn’t just dicking around with his webcamera like Darren). He didn’t update a lot, but when he did, it was always a treat to read. That’s why Darren always jumped three feet high in his chair when he got a notification that “Kindofaninja commented on his post”.

Darren smiled again and slid his finger down the screen before tapping at the bottom to get the keyboard.

**.**

**purpledinosaurs** **→ tiscurtis**

I have literally nothing against guinea pigs. We could have made a great squeaking duo, me and Yoko Ono. I’m kind of looking forward to my new room, though, since my old one has already been turned into some kind of conservatory /my mum loves her African violets/.

See you tonight, bro.

**.**

**purpledinosaurs** **→ rainbowspy**

You can always count on me when it comes to milkshakes, Dom. Also, I’m a single guy now so who knows what could happen *waggles eyebrows*. (Eww, no, I take it back, it would be like kissing my brother and I wouldn’t touch Chuck with a 6 feet long pole.)

And don’t worry, I’m definitely not missing Glee tonight. Why do you think I’m not taking _all_ of my CDs to the front seat with me for the journey? I’m pretty sure the show is going to floor me so hard I’ll need a couple of moments to soak it in (I’ll probably pull over on the side of the road and ring you up to yell at you about it, so keep your phone at hand).

So, like I said, it’s just me and my radio tonight.

We will definitely discuss, though (and that’s a yay for Thai).

Bets on Rachel breaking up with Finn while singing Taylor Swift in this episode?

 .

 **purpledinosaurs** **→** **crissian90**

You never told me you were from San Francisco, Jo!

Are you saying we could have been getting drunk together this whole time and you only say you live here when I’m about to move away???

RUDE.

**.**

**purpledinosaurs** **→** **anonymous**

Chuck go away, I’ll only wear that outfit if you wear one of the queen’s gowns. You know, those with the deep cleavages.

 .

 **purpledinosaurs** **→ dammitjoey**

Calm down, young padawan. They’ll comment on my hair once they actually see it.

Just so you know guys, it is _very_ hardcore.

**.**

**purpledinosaurs** **→ kindofaninja**

Dude, I actually had to google “desiccant” and now I feel like you showed me a whole new world! I never knew what those little packets they put in the box with your new shoes were!!! I feel like a whole new man.

And I will definitely check L.A.’s finest record stores and coffee places to see if I can find a new sanctuary. Lord knows I will miss my San Francisco hiding spots :(. Oh and kudos to you for knowing me so well yet again, dear Ninja. X

 .

Darren sent the last reply with a satisfying click of his tongue, rereading it once again as it posted. He stared at it for a while, hoping that maybe Kindofaninja would reply right away, even if he knew that not everybody had the time to sit at their computers days and nights. When nothing happened for a while, he reached for his mug and finished his roast, looking around the coffee shop one last time.

Yep, it was definitely time to leave. Darren took a deep breath.

Going to L.A. wasn’t one of his impulse decisions, like that one time when he decided to buy a drum kit or that one other time when he decided that dating two girls at the same time without either of them knowing would be a marvellous idea.

He’d always known that Los Angeles was waiting for him. Calling out to him. Ever since he got his degree at UM his feet had been literally _itching_ to go there. And it wasn’t like he didn’t get enough opportunities in Michigan, San Francisco or even Chicago. Or like he just couldn’t go live with Chuck in New York, try out for Broadway and hope they’d take him on as a background dancing fish in Little Mermaid. He just felt like he needed to be in L.A.. Like he wanted to be in L.A.. Like it was _the_ place for him (even if he’d make a fucking amazing fish).

And if it never worked out? Well, in that case, home would be just 5 hours up north.

Darren was just leaving the coffee shop, guitar safely strapped to his back, when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He fished it out and slid his finger across the screen, anxious to get to his new email. He almost squealed when it finally displayed and he saw Kindofaninja’s nick at the beginning.

**.**

**kindofaninja** **→ purpledinosaurs**

My observation skills are legendary.

Besides, it’s not like you’re that hard to read, Mr One Hundred Musical Instruments and Four Cups of Coffee a Day.

I remember the day I found out what desiccant was. That was an empowering moment. So I know how you feel.

And you’re welcome, by the way.

(I wanted to add that “knowledge is power”, but every time I want to say that to somebody I remember this scene from Game of Thrones where Littlefinger says it to Queen Cercei and then she proves to him that *just* knowledge is definitely not power [by the most badass moment of season 2](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUpwvweFIR8).

I remember I snorted so hard at that scene the coke I had drunk several hours prior came out of my nose.)

And wow, I did not just come out to my favourite blogger as the biggest nerd that ever walked the Earth.

*slowly backs away*

.

Darren leaned into his car giggled so hard tears prickled in his eyes. This was exactly the reason why he loved blogging. All the conversations he got to have in the comment section. All the unexpected turns these little talks could take. And he never got bored with Ninja.

“Are you _really_ wearing _this_ for your triumphant arrival to the City of Angels?”

Darren’s head shot up as he heard the familiar teasing voice behind his back. He turned around and cannonballed into Joey, clinging onto his jacket like a baby monkey. He was going to miss his best friend so much. Joey was still laughing quietly when they finally pulled apart, straining his neck to take a peek at Darren’s car. He chuckled.

“Seriously, tell the truth, Criss, is there anything besides that drum kit in your car?”

Darren gave him a wink and stuck his tongue out.

“Curt and Dom already know I only own like five shirts. They’d be shocked if I came there with more than one suitcase of clothes, man, you know that.” He looked down at his Michigan University shirt and smoothed his palm over the tattered logo with great gusto.

“Besides, it’s not like I need any more…”

Darren was certainly sad to be leaving San Francisco. And it was hard for him to rip himself away from his parents, friends and his best mate, too. He sniffed a little (into Joey’s jacket) as they hugged again, Joey running his fingers through his too short curls, making a petrified face at it after they parted.

“Oh yeah, and don’t come back home until it’s at least covering your ears, dude, all right?”

And that was it. Joey patted him on the back and walked away whistling, his hands deep in his pockets.

Darren looked after him, small smile tugging at his lips. All in all, this whole thing that was finally happening to him was _incredible_. It was an adventure. It was a start to his life. His _own_ decision to do what he _wanted_ to do. Like, really, _really_ wanted. And since logically speaking, the only person who could ever stop him from doing what he wanted was _himself_ , all bets were off.

He was ridiculously excited. So fucking excited he could bounce off the lamp posts all over the Castro like a bouncy ball. So he slid into his car to just let himself breathe for a while, fingers mindlessly tapping against the case of his phone.

His smiled widened as he remembered something he wanted to do before taking off.

.

 **purpledinosaurs** **→ kindofaninja**

I love how you put desiccant on the same level with four armed-to-the-teeth guards cutting your throat. That is some dedication to water absorption. I’m impressed, Ninja.

Also, for what it’s worth, people that are good at being nerds and just goofing around have always been my favourite kinds of people.

So… talk to you again soon, favourite person ;).

.

Darren put his phone into its dock and started the motor, sliding his Princess and the Frog OST into the CD slot. He bounced a bit in his seat as the first few tones of the Down in New Orleans Prologue filled the car. He cleared his throat and joined Anika Noni Rose, butterflies fluttering in his chest as he revelled in the lyrics that were so dear to him.

_t_ _he evening star is shining bright_

_so make a wish and hold on tight_

_there's magic in the air tonight_

_and anything can happen…_

It was going to be a good journey.

 

x

 

376 miles south, Chris stopped himself from grinning too wide by biting down on his lower lip. He turned off the laptop, grabbed his keys and swung his satchel over his shoulder, popping into the bathroom on his way out to fix his hair. He gave his reflection a quick smile.

.

 **kindofaninja** **→ purpledinosaurs**

Well what can I say I like them shoes dry.

.

It was going to be a good day. 


	2. Chapter 2

Ninja ( **kindofaninja** ) wrote,

 **Location:** kitchen   
 **Mood:** contemplative   
 **Music:**[Under Pressure](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a01QQZyl-_I)

**HOW TO BUILD AN IKEA BED**

Last week when I was reading Never Have Your Dog Stuffed And Other Things I’ve Learned I noticed my bed was broken. When I reached across to get my coffee from the nightstand – it wobbled.

Now, let me just say in advance, that I have *no idea* how it happened (and so suddenly at that). The reason why my old bed was wobbly is not what this post is about. In other words, you’re getting no info about my sex life, just deal with it, not that there’s anything you should know about.

It’s about what followed. About the journey to one’s self-discovery through something seemingly as trivial and ordinary as putting together one piece of furniture. It’s about a clash of egos. It’s about tenacity. It’s about obscure Ikea instructions that are probably fully graspable only to Swedes with degree in engineering. It’s about the meaning of life itself.

I’m not going to ramble on about it. I seriously did not think it was going to be that big of a deal when I picked the bed from the store and naively presumed that that was where my job would end.

Oh god, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Because let me tell you: Whatever old wise Chinese man said that “life is like learning to dance in the rain”, whatever that means, obviously never tried building an Ikea bed.

Not that furniture has anything to do with dancing. Or rain.

As I already said, this story is about a clash of egos. Sadly, the bed’s ego exceeded mine by A LOT. So far, that I had to ask a friend of mine to come over and help me put it together. By the time he arrived I already managed to nearly poke my eye out with a screwdriver, give myself a splinter into my big toe and damage “part F” of the bed, which turned out to be one of the more vital ones (nothing a bit of cellotape couldn’t fix, though).

Luckily my friend is a jack of all trades and together we managed to get it done by sunset (ok, *he* got it done, his girlfriend and I stood by idly and sipped diet coke).

To sum up, let me rephrase the old wise Chinese man: Life is not like learning to dance in the rain. Life is like building an Ikea bed. There are all sorts of parts that don’t go together the way they’re supposed to and you always end up with a handful of extra screws after you’re done.

 **Tags:** nesting, life lessons

~ 34 comments ~

**crissian90**

Ha! First comment! Suck on it, purpledinosaurs!

 I sympathise. The way I see it, furniture shopping is like a rite of passage of sorts (especially if you go to Ikea). It’s a question of pride. I mean, you can easily hire a bunch of muscly Ikea men to come to your house and build it for you, but there’s something about getting to do it with your own bare hands (or in your case with a little help from your friend’s bare hands) and then using it knowing it was *you* who did it.

Or maybe I’m just getting too sentimental about furniture here.

**.**

**arthurthedog**

You should have called me! I’m excellent at reading Ikea manuals. You’ve got to look at them the way you’d look at poetry. Everybody can interpret it their own subjective way, but the author only ever had ONE intention when he wrote it– and THAT’S what you need to discover.

Also, you should come over for tea (and by tea I mean martini) next weekend. And no excuses, I know your schedule.

**.**

**pleadingguilty**

Well I hope “part F” wasn’t as important as you’re saying it was, because you might be in for an unpleasant surprise one day. I know what I’m saying. Things usually backfire on you at night. I’m still dealing with PTSD from the night my Rihanna poster fell on me while I was sleeping.

I flinch every time I see her on my TV.

**.**

**purpledinosaurs→ crissian90**

CHEEKY

**.**

**purpledinosaurs**

Yet another inspired post, dear Ninja.

I’m laughing so hard, there are actual tears streaming down my face. Oh man, I needed that laugh, because the main couple on Glee just broke up and I have some extra feelings and nowhere to put them. It’s definitely better to laugh so much that you start crying than crying so much you start laughing (and then you snot everywhere, and I’m not yet in that age nor point in life where I carry packs of tissues with me all the time).

Mark my words. Nobody likes being hysterical. Unless there are genuine Broadway tickets involved.

And thank you for being so beautifully thematic, as I’m currently in the process of “nesting” myself, as you know. I will do my best to avoid Ikea while furnishing my room.

Or maybe I’ll just PM you when things go totally downhill and you can send your impressively skilful friend my way.

Or maybe I’ll just PM you, period ;).

x

Chris smiled, moving his face closer to the screen as he scrolled down his comments one more time. His heart stuttered when his eyes stopped at Darren’s nick. His hand itched to check his LiveJournal messages even if he logically knew that he would have known if he had got one, since he always got notifications on his phone.

He checked it anyway. And it was empty.  _Of course_  it was empty.

It was silly. He was being silly. Darren was a busy guy. He had _just_  moved and he was a BNF of epic proportions on the internet anyway, so why would he waste his time writing messages to somebody as insignificant as Chris? And besides, internet crushes were definitely pathetic, right?

So why couldn’t he help himself, then? He was a grown man of 22 and he wouldn’t lower himself to the level of a 13 years old fangirl biting down on her duvet at 2 am to muffle her scream, goddammit.

Because  _yeah_ … no, he definitely never did that, ever. Not even when Darren first friended him on LiveJournal and commented on his post about his cat’s obsessive behaviour towards his underwear drawer.

Ok, so maybe he screamed a little. Or at least made some kind of dying seagull noise. He didn’t have to muffle anything, though, since he had his own house, which was thankfully  _always_  blissfully empty (unless his friend Dianna decided to surprise visit him and drink all of his liquor, which was the reason he kept hiding bottles of it at various places in the house).

Chris had been a fan of Darren ever since he first watched his video in which he performed the entire Abbey Road Medley dressed as Harry Potter. It wasn’t just their common interests that attracted Chris to the elusive blogger, though. It was mostly his face.  _And_  his voice.

Ok.  _And_  the muscles in his forearms that shifted so nicely under his skin when he played the guitar.

And yeah, Chris was being teensy bit shallow about this. But let’s be honest. The internet was  _created_ so that people could be shallow without being called out on it. And he really didn’t want to lose his right to objectify Darren. Mostly for, you know…  _science_.

“Hey, Colfer!”

Chris jumped a little in his chair at the sound of his co-worker Ashley’s strong voice.

“Quit holing up in the back and get your tush over here. There’s work to be done!”

He rolled his eyes, clicking “reply” under his first comment and tapping his fingers against the desk pensively. He couldn’t really concentrate, though, so he just pulled up Darren’s LJ photoalbum instead, smiling at the last pictures of him with his long hair. He was really curious about the new haircut. Hopefully, Darren would be back online soon and make a video.

“As if anyone would come to the store 10 minutes before closing,” he finally laughed over his shoulder, eyes still glued to the screen.

Should he maybe PM Darren first? Or would that seem too eager and clingy?

“So are you finally gonna tell me what you’ve been smiling about like a loon your whole shift?”

Chris flinched and turned around to make a face at Ashley, who was suddenly leaning against the doorframe, her arms crossed over her chest.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Pulling his best innocent face, he slowly dragged his ass across the chair and effectively shielded his laptop so she couldn’t see. He really didn’t need his nosy friend to know about his pathetic crush, did he. It was bad enough she knew about his taco obsession and his cat’s body image issues. Ashley definitely didn’t need to know about his misguided feelings for some blogger he discovered on YouTube when he was indulging in his sweet solitude half a year ago, as well.  _Oh dear god, don’t let her see the screen._

“Are you watching porn when you should be working?” Ashley exclaimed. She moved across the tiny backroom and pushed petrified Chris away to get a look.

“Yes!” he blurted immediately, desperate for her not to see. “I’m a very kinky person who is into all kinds of kinky stuff with kinky things and you don’t want to see what’s in there, because it’sooo kinky.”

“Oh, stop fussing, there can’t be anything I haven’t seen,” she cried out, almost as if she was offended, and sat down on Chris’s lap to effectively keep him from moving.

“Hey! Get off me, Fink, I have an important work to do, you know. Speaking of which, who’s guarding the front door? What if somebody barged in and stole our new John Green? Is that what you want? Ryan would have our heads, I guarantee you  _that_.”

It was the truth. Murphy’s Shelves wasn’t the only establishment his boss owned in L.A., but it was definitely one of his favourites. And he loved his John Green.   

Ashley smirked.

“You just said nobody would come in 10 minutes before closing! And besides, there’s a bell on the door, so John Green will be fine unless the robbers come in through the bathroom window. Now show me your secrets!”

Chris let out a breath of capitulation and moved his hands away, revealing Darren’s smiling face.

“ _That_ ,” Ashley cleared her throat, “is one _fine_ specimen of a healthy young man.” She nodded in respect. “So who  _is_  he and why are you stalking him? Spill out your guts. Now.” She finally crawled off him and sat down in her own chair, looking at him expectantly. Chris was pretty sure she would shine a lamp into his face if there was one within her reach.

“I am not  _stalking_  him,” he pouted.

That was something he certainly needed to clarify first. He should’ve known it would end this way. So much for working in a “quiet and peaceful bookstore practically in the outskirts of the city”.

First of all, Ryan’s definition of “practically in the outskirts” did not in any way correspond with Chris’s, as Murphy’s Shelves were on one of the busiest streets in Los Angeles. And second, he had not counted on having a walking talking chatterbox for a co-worker.

He loved Ashley, he really did. They became fast friends after Ryan hired her with the intention of getting Chris a friend who was not part of his super-secret  _real_  job, which he wasn’t allowed to talk about. But she was the biggest gossip he ever met, which was saying a lot, since his best friend was Lea Michelle, the biggest blabber-mouth in California, and that sometimes drove Chris crazy.

“That’s Darren Criss,” he finally sighed, reaching for the laptop and pulling up the tab with Darren’s YouTube page on it. “He’s a famous internet blogger who sometimes makes music videos, but mostly he just writes about his life and posts fun pictures on his personal blog…”

Ashley nodded in understanding.

“And you’re what? His virtual boyfriend?”

“ _No.”_ Chris rolled his eyes again. “God, honestly, he doesn’t even swing that way, as far as I know. And besides, it’s not like that. I just really admire him for his talent.” Only a half-lie. “And his blog posts are really fun. I’ve got a blog of my own and we sort of became acquaintances…”

Ashley nodded again and this time she smiled. “Oh, I feel your pain. I’ve got a Tumblr and there are some really cool people in the Glee fandom I’ve been lusting after, in a completely friendly way, since forever, and they just  _won’t follow me back_.”

Chris almost choked on the air as she said that, but managed to disguise it by clearing his throat.

“Oh you with your Tumblr and Glee.” He scrunched his face, mumbling, “I can’t go there. Such a scary place.”

It was true. One reason why Chris had decided to make his blog on LiveJournal of all the places was that he had been avoiding Tumblr like the plague.

Ever since Glee became a  _thing_  on there. And in fact, Glee became a  _thing_  on Tumblr pretty much right after Episode 1 aired on the radio and immediately became a hit.

Everybody was baffled, since this was Hollywood and radio shows weren’t even really popular nowadays. Yet, somehow, Ryan Murphy managed to fill a hole in the market by creating a live interactive radio show about a show-choir consisting of teenage underdogs, that had half the world’s population singing along to their covers and the second half crying over their love lives.

Ryan named it Glee.

In his head Chris called it The Reason I’ll Go Mental Before 30.

Not that he didn’t like being a part of it, because he did, he loved it, in fact. He owed the show like, _everything_. His whole life in Los Angeles. His friends. His house. His money. Even his second job, which might have not given him anything financially, compared to his Glee pay-check, but he was _happy_  there, hidden between the bookshelves, getting all the solitude his heart desired after long times in rehearsals and recording studios. 

There were many restrictions that came with the job, though. In the spirit of keeping up the mystery, since people were actually allowed to call in on the show while it aired and talk to the characters, all of the cast members were sworn not to reveal their identity, ever. So Chris tried avoiding discussing the show with people who weren’t part of it as often as he could. He lost count of how many times he had to ditch a date, because the guy turned out to be a Gleek. It was like a disease slowly spreading everywhere. Ashley was a fan of Glee as well. And sometimes she just wouldn’t get the hint.

“One day I will make you listen to Glee you’ll fall in love with it, Colfer, mark my words.”

“If you think so,” he laughed, knowing that it could never happen as the show was live, so he was always in the studio when it aired.

Suddenly, the bell on the entrance door rang and Chris’s ears perked up, while Ashley immediately hopped off the chair, straining her neck to see through the curtains separating the backroom from the front of the store.

“See? I told you somebody would come in,” she whispered.

Chris chuckled to himself, going back to his laptop. Sighing deeply, he shut all of his tabs down and proceeded to turn the whole thing off. He didn’t have the wits to reply to his comments right now, anyway.

He was just about to slide his notebook into his satchel when his ears picked up the costumers’ voices.

“Is anybody in?“ One voice called out uncertainly.

“Do you honestly think they’d leave the door unlocked if they weren’t?” Another, a bit deeper voice replied.

“I don’t know, maybe they were robbed,” the first one retorted, making Chris snicker at Ashley. The two people (or Chris assumed they were two, since he didn’t hear any more voices) continued to banter for a while.

“I’m pretty sure this bookstore is literally  _the tiniest_  shop in L.A., Dom. I don’t think it’s a good target for robbers.”

“Well they could have come here to steal books, obviously.”

“If they came here to steal books, all these brand new John Greens wouldn’t be here. That book is _fucking brilliant_.”

“You may have a point.”

“I’ve  _always_  got a point, man.”

Chris’s breath hitched then, because he suddenly realised that he knew that voice.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, panicking. “Oh my  _god_.”

 He gripped Ashley’s arm so tight she hissed in pain.

“What the hell-”

“Oh my  _god,”_ he whined as quietly as he could. “That’s him!”

Ashley blinked.

“Who?!” She poked her head through the curtains again and then she turned back to Chris, her eyes wide. Then she burst into giggles.

“Shut up!” Chris immediately exclaimed, slapping his hand over her mouth. She managed to fight him off easily, though, as he was still in shock and his limbs weren’t exactly controllable.

Because one of the two guys who just came into the Shelves was definitely and undoubtedly Darren Criss.

His hair was shorter, but he was still pretty recognisable in his thick framed glasses, red Chicago Bulls hoodie, jeans and loafers. Nobody else could wear combination of clothes like that and manage to look good in it, but he pulled it off somehow.

To say that Chris was freaking the fuck out would be an understatement.

“Oh my god!” Ashley whispered, sneaking a peek once again. “You didn’t tell me he lived in L.A. as well!”

“Well, he just moved here! I honestly didn’t think we’d ever meet, let alone that we’d meet during his first week in the city! And stop peeking, for fuck’s sake, they’ll see you!” Chris face-palmed, wishing he had hidden one bottle of liquor in the store as well, because he really needed a drink.

“So what?”

“He can’t know it’s me. I don’t want him to know, all right?!” Chris worried his lower lips between his teeth.

“Why not?” Ashley frowned. “Well, ok, but at least go check him out yourself. I saw his ass and it does not look half bad!”

“Definitely not,” he flat out refused, crossing his arms.

“Well one of us will have to go there anyway, since they obviously came in to buy books, pookie,” Ashley put her hands on her hips, sneering at Chris pointedly.

Chris’s eyes almost bugged out.

“Are you out of your mind? I’m not going in there for sure,” he hissed, gripping the desk of the table as if it could possibly save him from Ashley’s compulsory measures.

He knew damn well it wouldn’t.

She grabbed his arms and steered his body towards the door before giving him a powerful shove.

“Yes, you are!” He heard her sing-song as he flew through the curtain and literally cannonballed into something soft and flower-smelling. And when he dared to look up, he found himself staring into Darren Criss’s hazel orbs.

Well, fuck it all.

“Oh! Hi there!” Darren laughed, all teeth and crinkly eyes, his hands still on Chris’s shoulders where they landed after Chris crashed into him to still him and keep him from face-planting into the carpet. Chris swallowed, breaking their eye contact, struggling to recollect his thoughts.

“Hey, D-  _ude_ ,” he finally managed in a hoarse voice, cursing himself inwardly. This was not good. This was not good at all. This was the exact opposite of good. He was going to fucking kill Ashley Rae Fink if it was the last thing he would do.

Speaking of the devil, Ashley finally emerged from the backroom, smug smile plastered across her face. Lord, Chris hated that woman so much.

“Can we help you with anything, gentlemen?” She smiled sweetly at the pair, which reminded Chris that Darren didn’t come alone. He realised he had heard Darren call the other “Dom”, which meant that this sweet-looking guy in a vest had to be Rainbowspy from LiveJournal. And ok, nice to put a face to  _that_ nick. Chris always thought Dom was adorable with his little guinea pig related posts and obsession with Thai food.

Dom beamed back at Ashley.

“Well, my friend here just moved to Los Angeles, so I’m giving him the grand tour.”

Ashley chuckled, obviously pleasantly surprised.

“Wow. And Murphy’s Shelves are a part of the grand tour? I didn’t know our tiny bookstore was so popular!”

Chris realised Darren was still looking at him (with those big shining eyes) when he finally managed to peel himself off of him and straighten up to his full height. He cleared his throat nervously, somewhere deep in his subconscious cataloguing away the information that Darren was at least two inches smaller than him.

“Well, not really, I’ve actually never been here,” said Dom. “But Darren wanted to go in. He said that he liked the small shops better. Plus, you have a sign on your door that says you sell coffee here, so he dragged me in as soon as he noticed it, mumbling something about this place being his new sanctuary.”

Ashley’s eyebrows disappeared under her fringe and Chris just  _knew_ she was thisclose to making some kind of remark of exactly the kind Chris had told her definitely NOT to make.

Then he checked and realised that yes, Darren was  _still_  watching him, unblinking. Chris shifted his weight from foot to foot, casually leaning against one of the bookshelves, willing his heart to stop beating so fast.

“Well, I’m pretty sure our boss got the coffee trick from watching You’ve Got Mail too many times,” Ashley shrugged. “The coffee doesn’t actually bring in that many new costumers, since Starbucks is just ‘round the corner.”

“Also, none of us can really work the coffee machine,” snorted Chris, just to add something so he would stop looking like a mentally distressed person.

And Darren was still staring.

“Why are you staring at me?” Chris finally snapped, unable to bear the tension for another second.

“Um,” Darren shook his head a little, as if he was coming from underwater. Then he blinked a few times. “I’m sorry. I just… I think that I  _know_  you,” he frowned. “Like, you seem  _so_  familiar. And I’m trying to place you, but I just  _can’t_? Oh man, this feels like some sort of weird-ass déjà vu.”

Chris heard Ashley take in a breath to say something, but he quickly stomped on her foot to keep her quiet. He was confused himself, though. There was no way Darren could recognise him from his writing style (if there even was such a thing). And there was no way Darren could recognize him from Glee either, since as his character Kurt, he spoke in a much higher voice with a different kind of quality to it. Hell, he was pretty damn good at being as different from Chris as possible when he was Kurt. Nobody had ever recognized him yet.

“I have just one of those faces, you know,” he laughed breathily, waving his hand at Darren in a dismissive gesture. “Even my mom said it just after I was born, you know. They put me on her chest so she could hold me and she went all ‘I have the strangest feeling of déjà vu.’,” Chris imitated his mother’s voice.

Darren barked out a laugh and Chris felt himself blush. It was extremely silly, but the whole thing reminded him of how Darren always commented on his posts on LiveJournal saying that Chris was the person who could always make him laugh the hardest. And Chris had always wished he could actually _hear_  that laugh.

And now he had. And it was stomach-swooping.

He was so very fucked.

x

Chris was searching his cupboards for rum and trying not to stumble over his cat that demanded his attention when there was a knock on his door. He huffed, half in annoyance and half in defeat and stomped to the hallway to yank it open.

“ _What._ ”

“Well hello to you, too,  _Christopher_!” Lea exclaimed. She stepped right in, kicking off her ungodly high heels and immediately decreasing her size to an underdeveloped hobbit, which, sadly, didn’t make her appear any less intimidating.

Then Chris heard much deeper and considerably less loud voice from the outside.

“Is it ok to come in now, or is he still breaking things?

Oh, right.  _Cory_. Chris rolled his eyes, reaching outside to yank the man in.

“I wasn’t breaking things, all right? I was just  _thoroughly searching_.”

They all moved into the kitchen where Lea immediately scooped distressed Brian into her arms, rubbing his head lovingly.

“By breaking all of your dishes and freaking out your cat?” She quirked an eyebrow, as she looked around. “Searching for what?”

“Rum, mostly,” Chris shrugged, watching Lea quirk the other eyebrow.

Cory was still hovering in the background, but there was a knowing smile on his face.

“Dude, you realise you were supposed to meet up with Lea in the store, right?”

Chris only offered him a blank face, inwardly wrecking his brain for any information of the kind (spoiler alert: it was not there).

“We were supposed to have early dinner together and run lines for tomorrow,” Lea pursed her lips, sticking her hand into her bag that was almost as big as her and pulling out a stack papers with CHRIS COLFER stamped across the title page in angry red letters.

That was when Chris’s eyes went as wide as saucers.

“Oh god, we’ve got to rehearse for tomorrow, don’t we,” he squeaked, petrified. “I completely forgot about it with all the crap that went down this afternoon.”

He totally did. Damn Darren Criss and his perfect ass. Which for the record Chris had never seen before, as you usually don’t with video bloggers. And when it’s a  _peach-like_ ass like this one- curse webcameras for only showing you people’s fronts. Chris had immediately decided that Darren needed to get one of those 360° cameras they used at movie premieres. He wondered if he could suggest it to him on LiveJournal. Maybe he could do it anonymously…

“You haven’t even read it yet, have you,” Lea laughed, cutting into his train of thoughts yet again.

Chris shook his head to get rid of the distracting pictures his brain kept offering him and focused on Lea again.

“No I haven’t, obviously. Why won’t you put me out of my misery and tell me what’s in it, then?”

“Well, it’s your lucky day since you have like three lines in this episode. But  _I_  have  _heaps_ , which is why I wanted my  _best friend_ to run them with me.”

“I’m so sorry, Lea, I just—” Chris exhaled, getting more and more frustrated. “Today has been really… _ugh_.”

Lea shook her head.

“Luckily for us both, I’ve got an amazing boyfriend who ran them with me.”

“All righty, then. In that case I don’t understand why you’re complaining?!” Chris frowned before suddenly crying out in delight when he finally spotted a bottle of rum hidden behind the rubbish bin. He immediately jumped after it, trying to remember if he had any coke left in the fridge.

“I’m complaining because I wanted to spend time with you, you doofus!”

He flinched as Lea smacked him over the head with the rolled script.

“Well, I’m sorry, but there was an earthquake in the Shelves today!”

Lea snorted, scratching Brian behind his ear.

“So? There was an earthquake in a whole of California couple of hours ago, how does it relate to you being a doofus?”

“It does!” Chris huffed, frowning. “Well, not to me being a doofus, but to me leaving the store early,” he admitted reluctantly.

And he was right. As much as he wanted to just  _forget_  the events of the whole afternoon altogether, he probably never would. The events of what went on when suddenly the tiniest earthquake (but an earthquake nevertheless) occurred in a middle of a conversation he and Ashley had with Darren and Dom.

Because at first he hadn’t even registered there was one, but then, as it grew stronger, few of the books were knocked out of their shelves. And when Darren instantly bent down to pick them up (and also took his eyes off of Chris for the first time that afternoon), displaying his perfect behind, Chris lost it.

Not  _because_  of the ass, per se. The whole situation was fucked up. He just couldn’t take it anymore. And he wasn’t usually that kind of person who freaked out under pressure. He was good with pressure. He  _dealt_ with things. He built Ikea beds, godfuckingdammit

Yet he ran away from the Shelves quick as a flash, never looking back.  _Because he freaked out, easy as that._  Because it’s not exactly easy, pretending like nothing’s going on when the object of your masturbatory fantasies of several years suddenly appears on your (hypothetical) doorstep and then turns out to be even lovelier a person in reality than he is on the internet.

Honestly, what an asshole.

So Chris said all of that to Lea and Cory and soon had them both looking at him as if he grew a second head.

Lea snapped out of it first.

“Wow, ok. Seems to me like you skipped a few pages, so I feel like we needed to get out of this house and head straight to The Law for some drinks. And then I’ll want details, Colfer. Details,” she demanded, dropping Brian on the floor and slipping back into her heels.

And ok, Chris could get behind drinks in The Law, any day.

x

**kindofaninja→ crissian90**

Heyyy I haven’t even realised you actually friended me! I’ve seen your comments on purpledinosaur’s LJ and you seem like a rlly lovely person!”§§§I will friend you back as soon as I’m sober enough to find the friending button on your page. Your layout is lovely but it’s all blue and the friending button is also blue and yall know how this story ends.

And dont worry I get sentimental about furniture on regular basis.

**.**

**kindofaninja→ arthurthedog**

If I wished to do a literary analysis I would go to college, thank you verymuch, Di.

And yep, I will come over as soon as the room stops spinning.

Or when I start seeing fuzzingly. Fuzzily. Fuzzysque.

Whatever.

Gnight.

**.**

**kindofaninja→ purpledinosaurs**

I’’ll keep my impressively skilful friend’s number at hand provided you need it. I think you should try YOUR hand at it yourself first, though. Your hands seem quite big and strong, NGL.

Also, I’m not against PMing of any kind, just saying.

No but seriously,y, message me.

.

**kindofaninja→ pleadingguilty**

that’s fuckign scary, all right.

Even if Rihanna is my goddess.

x

**COMPOSE MESSAGE**

**To:** purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** mcgonagall.jpg

 **Subject:** Oh my god I’m so sorry

Dear Darren,

I am so sorry. I honestly have no idea what happened last night. I never usually go on the internet when I’m drunk and I certainly don’t write sleazy replies to friendly comments from people that I admire!

If it’s any consolation, I puked all over the bathroom floor right after I had turned off the computer, so I did get punished.

Nevertheless, I understand if you want to unfriend me, because you don’t want to have anything to do with a drunkard like me, anymore. I know I wouldn’t.

Hope you’re having a pleasant Saturday.

~Ninja


	3. Chapter 3

Darren ( **purpledinosaurs** ) wrote,

 **Location:**  Los Angeles, CA  **  
Mood:**  hopeful  
 **Music:**  [Part of Your World](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IOqRLR3Oug)

**THE FIRST ENCOUNTER**

In which tell you ALL about my first week in L.A. and then play a Glee song for you.

Go put the kettle on so you can drink a hot drink of your choice with this post, because it might get long.

No, but really go. I’ll wait.

.

.

.

Hello everybody and welcome back to even  _MORE_  Darren, now blogging from the city of crowded freeways, palm trees and jobless writers.

I know. Logically it makes zero sense for me to be welcoming *you* back, since it was *me* who was gone. But it’s a beautiful day outside, I’m wearing my pink checked shirt and Dom is about to make breakfast, so let’s just roll with it, yeah?

Because I’ve got a feeling today is going to be kinda awesome.

It feels so good to be making a proper post again after two weeks of just commenting here and there. Man, did I miss this place. It might sound pathetic, but LiveJournal has sort of become my second home during the last couple of months. And you guys are my virtual family.  _All of you_. Even those of you who won’t tell me their names but send me drunken comments and then really funny PMs. (You can’t see me, Ninja, but I’m winking at you right now.)

Update on the big move: I’m delighted to say that I’m done nesting now! My room is small and cosy and I decided to grant Dom’s guinea pig political asylum so I don’t feel lonely in here. Speaking of Dom, he and Curt are excellent roommates. They make me food and they listen to Glee with me. So I’m in heaven, basically.

I do miss San Francisco, though. Well, I miss my mom. And my dad. And my friends. And Chuck’s dog.

Not Chuck, though, I’d like to stress that.

L.A. is… new. It’s different. Not bad different, but it will take some getting used to, certainly. I haven’t had the chance yet to explore the city properly, since all that nesting took a while, but Dom took me on a grand tour last Friday and it was a lot of fun!

I have to say my first direct encounter with L.A. was more or less pleasant. Despite the smog and the traffic jams. What I liked the most were all those little shops squeezed in between the giant shopping centres and flashy displays with ungodly expensive clothes and perfumes inside.

One that was particularly eye-catching to me was a tiny bookstore on the corner of one of the busiest streets. Murphy’s Shelves. It looks so out of place there it just makes you really curious about what it’s like inside. It’s like one of those places in Harry Potter that are only visible to wizards and possibly lead to the Ministry of Magic or the Diagon Alley.

That and you can drink coffee in there which made me  _dive right in_.

And it really was magical inside. The store is so small and yet somehow they managed to literally  _stuff_ it full off bookshelves. And it’s just so homey in there, you know. It smells like new books and coffee and happiness. Can you possibly imagine anything better smelling?

Anyway, I want to live there. I want to beg the two youngsters who work there to let me sleep curled under the sci-fi shelf using To Kill a Mockingbird as a pillow. Something tells me they wouldn’t let me, though. Or maybe the girl would, but as for the guy… Not that he wasn’t nice. I mean… he wasn’t  _nasty_  or anything. Just strange-acting.

But I had certainly imagined my first encounter with the locals to go better. Maybe it was just a bad time for them, IDK. I’ll need to come back there and see if I can get them to like me. Because I’m planning on visiting that little store as much as possible.

Speaking of. I also need to find a job, so I can start taking care of myself (and also, Dom and Curt can’t pay the rent on their own forever). I just really need something to keep my head above water while I go on auditions.

Not gonna lie, I have my heart set on one of those little shops. Not the bookstore, though. Obviously.

The Grand Tour continues today, only this time I’m on my own, because Dom has an acting job (woo-hoo!). And I’m actually going to do today what Ninja suggested last week. I’m going to find my sanctuary. /While I job hunt./ The bookstore was pretty darn close to one, but I feel like there’s something else waiting for me.

And yeah, so that’s the update! I hope you didn’t run out of your hot drink half way through. I really wasn’t intending to make it so long.

Now the promised video. (Kindly refrain from making jokes about my hair, though. I actually quite like it now. It’s a good thing L.A. is not very cold, though, because my ears feel strangely naked.)

** embed video **

_There’s a close-up of a hand adjusting the camera before Darren’s smiling face appears in the frame. He’s wearing a grey hoodie and a pair of glasses, his hair is tousled and all shiny from sunlight streaming from the window behind him._

_He’s holding a guitar._

_“Hey, all of you pretty dinosaurs!” Darren grins, strumming a few times and fiddling with the tuning keys until he gets the perfect tone and glances up at the camera._

_“So today I’m *not* going to do a cover of the Merlin opening tune dressed as a wizard, as you can see…” He raises his arms to demonstrate that he’s really not wearing a costume. “But in the honour of the episode of Glee from two weeks ago, which was a Taylor Swift tribute, of course, I’m going to play one of their songs.”_

_He strums a few times again and then slows down, fingers gently plucking at the strings. His smile softens._

_“As you all probably already know, Kurt Hummel is my favourite character and I think that ‘Mean’ was his best song yet. Not just because of the whole storyline, which, *obviously*, is one of the most touching things on the show. But the song was just really well done. His voice was flawless. And it was a fucking amazing arrangement, too. So beautiful and haunting in the slowed-down tempo. I’m gonna borrow the Glee arrangement for my cover, by the way, so uh…” Darren pauses, scratching the back of his neck. “So I guess that means that today I’m doing a cover of a cover. Well, the acoustic version of it.”_

_Darren blinks, his face splitting into a wide smile._

_“Anyway, I want to dedicate this song to my friend Dom who didn’t really have to beg me so hard to do this, because I was planning on it anyway,” he winks to the camera, “and also to my good virtual friend Ninja, who, as I seem to recall from his posts, went through something similar to what Kurt is going through on the show. Ninja, I know you’re not really fond of Glee, but I hope you enjoy the song anyway.”_

_He strums the opening chords, closing his eyes for a second, eyelashes brushing against his cheeks, before he takes a deep breath_ [ _and starts singing…_ ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7vQEkBAHF4)

**end of embed video**

Hope you guys liked the song! And I guess that’s it for today. Keep your fingers crossed for me about the job and stay tuned for more Glee covers and L.A. updates soon!

 **Tags:**  covers, murphy’s shelves, the adventure continues, the big move, vlogs

 

~722 comments~

 

x

**rainbowspy**

THAT WAS AMAZING. I mean, I heard you recording the song through the wall, but actually *seeing* you play it is much better.

Poor Kurt, my little baby… I hope he gets a happier storyline soon.

Anyway, come out for breakfast, cos I’m making French toasts!

**.**

**tiscurtis**

You’ve got to teach me your guitar picking technique, D. Loved the cover. We should definitely do one of those together and record it and put it on YouTube. I’ll pick the song!!!

:D = my face right now. Can you tell I’m excited?

Also, yes, come out already, my breakfast is getting cold.

.

**Crissian90**

Whoa whoa whoa, WAIT A MINUTE??!!! So you and Ninja are now PMing each other? And then you dedicate songs to Ninja? What is going on? Should I get jealous? Or happy for you? Or???

**.**

**Crissian90**

Sorry.

Anyway, the song was so beautiful it made me tear up a little. I cried so hard during the episode. Especially during the scene with Kurt’s dad when he saw that jock tormenting him. God, sometimes I just want to steal Kurt from the show, wrap him up in a blanket and never give him back to the writers. They never stop torturing him, do they.

I’m glad you’re liking it in L.A., but remember that SF will always be there for you if you decided to come back. Just kidding. I’m a good fan, so I want you to go after your dreams whatever and wherever they are.

And as for the guy from the bookstore, I’m sure you’ll charm the pants off him soon enough. Maybe play a little guitar next time. Hehe.  

**.**

**anonymous**

you wound me, bro. you wound me deeply. but my time shall come. mark my words.

also your hair looks ridiculous.

**.**

**anonymous**

it’s still chuck, by the way

.

**dammitjoey**

Amesome cover! For a moment there I even managed to forget that it was from Glee or that it was Taylor Swift! Miss you here, man. I’m kind of hoping you’ll stop liking it there and come back, ngl.

Don’t be a stranger and text me. Or I’ll keep texting you pictures of my food until you stop ignoring me.

Love you, man.

**.**

**kindofaninja**

Oh dear. I feel like I should immediately delete my LJ and stick my head into the sand or something. Only I’m not actually an ostrich and I’m pretty fond of my LJ so I guess I’ll have to just take the embarrassment. Poor old me (not that I’m old or anything).

Pretty low of you to tell everybody and their dogs online about my time of weakness, though. I’m starting to feel like that guy from the bookstore didn’t like you for a reason!

Anyway, you sort of made it better by dedicating me that beautiful song. I’m blushing! Thank you so much! You’re right, I really don’t care for Glee at all, but this was great. Thank you again. I’m actually listening to it on repeat now and smiling like a loon.

Oh and good luck with the sanctuary search!

 

x

 

 “Darren, come on, I really want to get my breakfast  _on,_  already!” Curt’s voice exclaimed from the kitchen and Darren could swear he could hear him chewing something already. He rolled his eyes and laughed, pressing “send” under his finished PM.

“Fucking hold you horses,  _jeez_!” He shouted back, shutting down his laptop and rolling off the bed.

“Morning, gents!”

They boys were already sitting at the table, looking at Darren expectantly. The guinea pig was also there, munching on an apple that Dom was feeding him.

“ _Oh_ ,” Darren raised his eyebrows before sitting down and reaching for a plate, “I was wondering where  _he_ ’d gone.”

Dom shrugged back. “Well I was scared that you weren’t going to feed him so I sneaked into your room while you slept and kidnapped him. But he’s still staying in your room, don’t worry!”

Darren chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. He took a sip of his coffee, eyes closing in bliss.

“So, are you gonna go to that crazy bookstore again today?” Asked Dom between forkfuls of his French toast.

Darren snorted. “It wasn’t  _that_  crazy, you know…”

Dom blinked back at him. “Um,  _yeah_ , it kinda was. I mean, you behaved a little like a lunatic too, staring at that guy like some kind of a creepy stalkery person…”

“Hey!” Darren exclaimed with his mouth full of food. “Not stalkery, all right? I just thought he looked familiar!” And it was true. Darren still felt like he had seen the guy from the bookstore before.  _But where._

“The guy was actually worse, though,” Dom continued, laughing. “He ran out of the bookstore without even taking his things.”

Curt’s eyebrows shot up. “That  _does_  sound crazy to me,” he looked at Darren pointedly.

Darren shrugged. “Oh I don’t know. Maybe he was just scared of the earthquake. I thought he was sort of adorable…”

There was  _something_  about the guy. Yes, sure, he was nervous and he was babbling (which was  _funny_  more than anything else), but Darren didn’t think he was weird or anything like that. And then there were his eyes. His absolutely mindboggling blue-green-grey- _whateverthefucking_ eyes. That were watching him. They were piercing into him. There was  _something_  about that look. The bookstore guy was looking at him like he  _knew things_ about him. Like he could read his mind or something.

And ok,  _whoa_ , let’s take a step back, because maybe it was Darren who was actually going crazy. He shook his head to get rid of all the insane thoughts just in time to hear Curt’s snort.

“An earthquake, he says! _I_ didn’t even notice there was one! I thought it was just really heavily loaded truck driving past our house! And that guy lives in L.A.. He couldn’t have been afraid of something like that.”

“You didn’t notice there was one because you were probably sucking face with Kim,” Dom rolled his eyes. “I for once always notice, because all of my CDs get knocked out of their shelves.”

Curt snorted again. “Who even keeps so many CDs anymore. And you’re just jealous of me being in a relationship. You would have loved to be sucking face with somebody so intensely to miss an earthquake, admit it!

“Would not!”

“Would too!”

Darren rolled his eyes at both of them and cleared his throat loudly enough to stop them from yapping at each other.

“ _Anyway,_ I  _really_  wanna find a job today, so I should get going.” He licked his greasy fingers and hopped off his chair, plucking a pair sunglasses from his v-neck and putting them on. “I’ll probably be out until like six, so don’t get spooked out if I don’t show up for lunch or something.”

Curt hummed in agreement and finished off his coffee in one large gulp, checking his watch in the process.

“It’s cool, dude. We won’t be here either so no big deal. I’ve got to meet Kim in 15 minutes, so I guess you could give me a lift to hers? And maybe we could all do drinks tonight,” he said, putting the empty mug in the sink. Then he suddenly grinned. “I feel like we haven’t properly celebrated your big move yet.”

Dom was nodding his head vigorously next to Curt. “Yeah!” He exclaimed excitedly. “We should totally go to The Law.”

Darren beamed.

“Well I’m not gonna say no to that. If there’s something I miss about San Francisco it’s the infinite parties,” he sighed, small smile stretching his lips. “I also really feel like dancing.” He shook his hips and then twirled, making Dom and Curt giggle.

Dom nodded again then, raising his own mug as if to make a toast.

“I’ll drink to that. Let’s do beers in The Law tonight and then we’ll take you dancing tomorrow. How’s that sound?”  

“It sounds fucking brilliant, man!” Darren grinned, stretching his tense arms above his head. “Something tells me I’ll really need to let loose after the job hunt.”

“Well,  _yeah_ ,” Curt chimed in. “And if you get a job, you can celebrate by getting hammered and if you don’t, you can drink your sorrow away and get hammered anyway. It’s a win-win situation. Also, you’re paying, obviously.”

Darren pretended to think about it for a second, blinking at his roommates lazily.

“Ok, how about this: If I get a job today, I’m paying for the drinks, but if I  _don’t_ ,  _you_ two are paying for the drinks.”

It was a deal.

 

x

**COMPOSE MESSAGE**

**To:** kindofaninja

 **Userpic:** harrypotter.jpg

 **Subject:** Re:Oh my god I’m so sorry

Ninja,

First of all, take a deep breath, ok?

Don’t be silly. I don’t really get why you’re apologizing at all, to be honest. If it’s for telling me I have strong arms… don’t be sorry? I’m actually very flattered! Unless you didn’t mean it. Wait, you did mean it, right?

I mean, it’s not like I go to the gym or anything. But yeah.

I was definitely gonna message you even before you messaged me, so don’t feel guilty about anything. You also don’t need to become an ostrich. I’d love to talk to you more in private! I feel like we could be great virtual friends. Even if, and I will stress that again, you won’t tell anybody your name :(.

Write back soon, yeah? And no embarrassments. We’re all uncool over here, spending time on the internet blogging all day long. And we’re all awesome, right?

Love,

Darren

PS. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your McGonagall icon.

 

x

 

Turned out looking for a job in L.A. really wasn’t a piece of cake. Darren had only been trying for four hours and he was completely knackered already.

Getting hired in a coffee shop was out of question, as they were full of European students practically hissing at him when he asked if they were hiring. He also tried every bookstore, every florist’s, every bakery and every music shop he passed on his way, only to come out of all of them just as jobless and grumpy on top.

He was starting to feel like maybe he should just call it a day and go home, when he noticed a battered record store. It was a small dingy thing looking quite ridiculous squeezed between a Gap on one side and McDonald’s on the other. Its window display was dark and dusty, but Darren could still kind of see the CDs, LPs, and even cassettes inside. There was Fleetwood Mac, Journey, Queen, Stevie Wonder… even The Kelly Family.

And it was really hard to hear, since the street was so noisy, but Darren could swear there was jazz music coming from the inside. He immediately wanted to go in.

And so he did.

The inside of the store, as it turned out, was just as battered as the outside.

There was a man in yellow hat sitting in the corner reading a comic book. His legs were crossed and the upper one was bouncing to the beat of music coming out of an old radio standing on one of the tables overflowing with dusty cassettes.

Darren cleared his throat, causing the man to look up at him. His skin was pale, his cheekbones sharp and his eyes stared at him full of genuine curiosity, unblinking.

“Hello,” the man said, cocking his head and putting the comic book aside.

“Err,” Darren started, the man’s unchanging face causing his thoughts to derail. “My name’s Darren Criss, sir,” he finally managed. “And I’m looking for a job.”

“Oh,” said the man, giving Darren a once-over. “And what makes you think I’m hiring?” He asked with his eyebrows raised, leaning back in his chair and putting his hands together as if he wanted to pray. It sort of made him look like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.

“And what do you do, Darren Criss who’s looking for a job?”

“I’m an actor,” Darren beamed instantly. “I actually just moved to Los Angeles. But I haven’t got an acting job, yet, so I need something until I do.”

“Well, I feel for you,” the man nodded slowly. “But unfortunately, I really don’t need a second person in here. As you can see, it’s not like I have many costumers.”

Darren supressed the urge to snort. That was certainly true. He scratched the back of his neck instead, shrugging. “That’s ok. I’ll at least look around, then.”

The man shrugged as well, going back to his reading, his head bobbing in the rhythm of a new song that had just come up on the radio. Darren’s features brightened when he recognized the song himself and he involuntarily shook his hips as he was looking through the dusty piles of LPs on one of the tables.

It was the Glee version of Taylor Swift’s Mean. (What a fucking coincidence!) He mouthed the lyrics as he thumbed over the vinyl, going as far as making a little shimmy with his shoulders at one point. Suddenly, the man was standing right next to him (startling the shit out of him), hands crossed in front of his chest.

“You like this?” The man asked, one eyebrow raised.

Darren’s eyes went wide and he willed his heart to calm down, giving a tiny nod.

“Yes…?”

“You realise that’s the ‘Glee version’, though, don’t you?” The man continued, making quotation marks with his fingers as he spoke.

Darren blinked back at him, frowning a little. He was tired of people constantly judging the show just because they did covers on it. He thought it was brilliant, dammit.

“I _love_  the show,” he stressed. “Actually, I made a cover of this song just yesterday and posted in online.” He smiled at the memory.

Suddenly Darren’s hand was being shaken by the man’s bigger cold one, his face so close Darren was seriously worried he’d get a cheekbone-cut.

“I’m Ryan, Darren. And I think I know about a job for you.”

 

x

**NEW MESSAGE**

**To:** purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** mcgonagall.jpg

 **Subject:** so do you picture me as professor McGonagall then?

Dear Darren,

I still feel so embarrassed! I was gonna impress you with my writing skills in the PM which I would SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY compose. I guess that won’t be happening anymore…

Maybe it’s good that you saw one of my naughtier sides first, especially since you still want to be friends.

I really like to have drinks from time to time, it’s not a secret. Hell, now I’m making myself sound like I’m from the AA, but I’m really not *such* a drinker, I promise (and I realize that that’s what an actual AA would say).

You’re just gonna have to trust me on this one.

I’d love to be virtual friends with you! But you’ll have to get ok with the identity thing. It’s not even about me being scared that somebody from the internet will come and murder me or anything. I just really like the anonymity. I like that I can’t be anyone I want on the internet.

Which is not me saying I’m not being genuine. I actually think it’s sort of the opposite. Like being anonymous on the internet actually *allows* me to be genuine, you know.

I hope you understand what I mean.

~Ninja

PS. Of course I meant it. And stop fishing for compliments! I was drunk!

PS 2. You realize that you using that icon makes it look like it’s professor McGonagall and Harry sending each other flirty messages. Just putting it out there.

 

x

 

The Law was just your regular dim-lit bar with a vintage feel to it. Or at least that was how Ryan had described it to Darren. Darren smiled as soon as he crossed the threshold and breathed in the smell of salty peanuts and fruity drinks, his ears jerking at the strong beat of bass line coming out of a jukebox next to the entrance.

There was a long bar lined with cute barstools each made in different colour, several tables of different shapes and sizes scattered all over the place, and a black piano in the corner.

The whole bar looked like a patchwork. Or a Frankenstein monster. Depends on your point of view.

Darren adored it.

“Hey, we’re still closed for half an hour!”

The barmaid was a gorgeous young woman with long black hair and sharp hips. She was wearing leather jacket over yellow skin-tight bodycon dress.

“Oh, I know!” Darren put on his most charming smile, walking towards the bar. “My name’s Darren and I’m here to ask about something.”

She raised her perfectly plucked eyebrows at him when he hopped up on one of the barstools and leered at the bottles of liquor behind her. Her full red lips curved into a smile.

“Are you sure you’re even legal?” She put her hands on her hips, cocking her head to a side.

Darren blinked in confusion and then he laughed.

“I’m actually 26. I’m here because Ryan sent me? Tall bald man from the record store at Sunset Boulevard? Yellow hat?” He added when she just continued staring at him.

“Ryan sent you?” She asked dubiously, giving him a tiny frown. “Why did he send you here?”

Darren leaned forward, putting his hands on the shiny desk of the bar. He didn’t miss the protective look she shot him and he realised she had probably polished it earlier. He cleared his throat.

“Well I was looking for a job and he told me you were hiring,” he shrugged, eyes wide and trusting.

Her eyebrows shot even higher if it was even possible. This time she smiled, though, looking Darren up and down.

“Really?” She snorted. “Ok, and what did he say you’d be doing here?”

Darren sighed. “He said you were looking for a bartender. Look, was he just making fun of me? Oh man, do you not know him at all? Because we can stop this embarrassing conversation now and I’ll have a beer, please.”

She laughed and rolled her eyes at him.

“Calm down, Alice in Wonderland,  _gee_ ,” she winked. “I didn’t say I didn’t know Ryan,” she waved her hand. “I was just really surprised he’d think somebody like you could be a bartender.”

It was Darren’s turn to laugh.

“Excuse me, I’m from San Francisco!” He exclaimed. “I learnt how to tend a bar at eleven.”

She blinked at him, obviously mulling it over.

“Can you play the piano?” She finally asked.

 

x

**COMPOSE MESSAGE**

**To:** kindofaninja

 **Userpic:** harrypotter.jpg

 **Subject:** I was but now I’m not so sure

Ninja,

Flirty messages? I didn’t know we progressed that far already! But ok, I’m certainly not going to oppose. Speaking of your writing skills, those are actually very hot. If I were to picture you based on just those, you’d score five stars.

And that doesn’t sound nerdy-creepy at all.

 I’m not going to judge you for drinking anything since that would be very hypocritical of me. As a matter of fact, I’m having drinks with my friends tonight and I’m planning on getting at least tipsy or maybe borderline drunk, so it might be *you* who’ll laugh at *my* drunken messages this time.

And ok, I get the anonymity thing now. I won’t bother you about it again, but don’t get cross with me if I ask questions sometimes, ok? I’m a very curious person and sometimes I can’t keep my mouth shut. Or fingers, in this case.

I mean, I just don’t want you to feel like you can’t believe me. I actually really like revealing myself on my LJ. It’s liberating in a way.

But I guess it’s different for everybody and I’m probably just a mental nudist.

Anyway.

Good night, Ninja, assuming it is night in your time-zone. universe. dimension. thing.

Love,

Darren

PS. Also: Harry and professor McGonagall!? Ninja. You’re a deeply twisted person.

PS 2. I like you.

 

x

 

Darren grinned and waved at Curt and Dom when they finally entered The Law an hour later, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

They all sat down at a table farthest away from the bar where Naya (which was the barmaid’s name as Darren had learnt) was busy polishing the desk again, looking particularly pleased with herself.

“So?” Curt looked at Darren expectantly, jerking him out his thoughts. “Tell us how your job hunt went!”

Dom nodded next to him.

Darren dimpled back at them, feeling Naya’s eyes burning holes into his back.

“Actually, you’re looking at it,” he smiled, studying his nails matter-of-factly.

“What? No way!” Dom exclaimed, looking around, while Curt just continued staring at him in confusion.

“I don’t get it,” he frowned.

Darren rolled his eyes.

“I’m gonna be tending the bar in here on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays,” he explained. Then he pointed at the piano in the corner. “And I will also play here on Mondays and Fridays to make some extra cash, when I feel like it.”

He looked at his friends expectantly, inwardly willing them to show more enthusiasm. He thought the job was fucking  _amazing,_ thank you very much. He had basically screamed when Naya offered it to him upon hearing him play the piano and sing. It was a perfect match for him. He’d get to make music in front of a live audience for money. Could there possibly BE a better job in all of Lost Angels? Besides actual acting? Not if you asked Darren. 

“Well I think it’s awesome!” Dom finally exclaimed, recovering first, and reached to pull Darren into a half-hug, patting him on the back.

“Ok…” Curt slowly replied, small smile tugging at his lips. “I guess that’s actually kind of brilliant. Oh and I seem to recall somebody promised to pay for the drinks if he got a job.”

Darren laughed, turning around to give Naya a blinding grin.

“We’re gonna need three pints over here.”

Naya sneered at him, wiping her slender hands on a dishcloth.

“Well come and get it, then,” she laughed, winking. “Practice makes the master.” 

By the time Darren returned with the drinks The Law was slowly filling up with people.

He gasped and almost choked on his beer when the door suddenly revealed the guy from Murphy’s Shelves with two of his friends, deep in chatter as they passed Darren’s table and headed straight for the bar. He resisted the urge to run (which would be pretty ironic now that he thought about it) and simply hunched in on himself, sliding down his chair until he was partly hidden under the table. He stared at them through the glass of his pint.

“Look, Darren, isn’t it the g-”

“Shh!” Darren reached up and slapped his hand over Dom’s mouth, his heart hammering in his chest. He realised he was acting ridiculous. He really did. But he just couldn’t help himself.

The guy looked slightly different than Darren remembered him, dressed in a tight pair of jeans and just as tight black dress shirt. He was feeling uncomfortable in those clothes judging by the way he kept fidgeting and pulling at the collar. But he looked good.

He looked  _really_  good.

Darren hadn’t realised until now how attractive that guy really was. But then again, he had been too busy staring into his eyes and acting like a crazy stalker the last time he had seen him, so no wonder he had never noticed the attractive part.

Oh, and also, he didn’t usually make a habit of checking out guys. Unless they  _were_ really good looking. Which he was. Definitely.

And speaking of looking _, somehow,_ he was  _looking_ right at Darren _._

“Fuck!” Darren breathed, his head shooting up and bumping into the table. “Fuck!” He exclaimed again, this time out loud. “Fucking fuck and donkey’s dick,  _ow_!” His hand left Dom’s face to gingerly rub at the lump growing fast on his poor injured head.

“What the hell are you doing?” Asked Curt while Dom dissolved into giggles, smacking the table with his hand.

“Oh my god, Darren, I’m so glad you moved here,” Dom howled between fits of laughter.

Darren glared at him, reaching for his pint.

“Shut up, Dom. Just shut up,” he mumbled before taking a large gulp of the beer, ignoring the throbbing in his head.

Yes. Simply ridiculous.

He took a deep breath and looked at the guy again. He was still looking at him. And he wasn’t the only one, because both of his friends were staring at him too, smirking and whispering amongst each other.

“Fucking brilliant,” howled Darren under his breath and stood up.

Dom blinked up at him from his chair.

“Where’re you going?”

“I’m going over there to introduce myself properly, dude. I’m going to befriend that guy if it’s the last thing I do.”

He knew he sounded slightly crazy and  _still_  ridiculous, but he was  _so_  beyond caring at this point. This was a question of honour. He was  _good_  at befriending people, dammit.

He grabbed his empty glass and marched towards the bar, praying in his mind that he wouldn’t trip over his own feet and fall on his face on his way there.

The guy was still laughing when Darren reached the little group, putting on his show smile.

“Hello again!” He dimpled at them, making it a point  _not_ to stare into those piercingly blue-green-grey eyes.

“Are you all right?” One of the guy’s friends, short girl with long wavy hair and straight-cut fringe, looked at him with concern.

“That looked like  _really_  painful,” the other friend, intimidatingly tall guy with his arm around the girl’s waist, agreed, eyeing Darren’s head sympathetically.

Darren’s smile faltered, but he was quick to wave his hand in dismissal.

“Oh, it’s fine, that was nothing. Happens to me all the time, really,” he snorted, rolling his eyes. “I just came to see hi to your friend here. We met last Friday in Murphy’s Shelves,” he explained, reaching out his hand. “Hi. I just wanted to properly introduce myself, since you ran away before I managed to do it the last time,” he admitted sheepishly, shifting on his feet. “I’m Darren Criss and those are my friends Curt and Dom,” he pointed over his shoulder, certain that his friends had been not-so-discreetly staring in their direction the whole time.

“Oh.” The guy blinked, his cheekbones visibly crimsoning. “I remember you,” he nodded. “I’m Chris. These two are my friends Lea and Cory.” He shook Darren’s hand, squeezing his fingers briefly before letting go.

“Nice to meet you, Chris,” Darren grinned, feeling incredibly accomplished.

He certainly liked the name. Chris. It suited the guy.

The girl - Lea, Darren reminded himself, suddenly slid off her barstool.        

“I’m just gonna pop to the ladies for a bit,” she announced, dashing off, oblivious to the daggers Chris was shooting after her.

Darren turned to Cory who was fidgeting with his hands nervously. He cleared his throat.

“Yeah, I’m gonna check out the jukebox, I think,” he said, disappearing as fast as his long legs allowed him.

And ok, this was kind of awkward.

“This is kind of awkward,” said Chris in a high breathy voice, his cheeks turning even darker shade of red. Darren thought it looked adorable.

“Nonsense!” He winked, climbing on the chair previously occupied by Lea and slid the empty pint he’d been holding towards Naya (who shot him a disapproving glare but grabbed it anyway and moved to the tap to get him another).

“So, do you make a habit of randomly running away on people every time somebody new comes into the store, or was that just me? Because if it’s the first option, then I don’t think that’s really good for business, dude.”

Chris ducked his head and laughed, his hand coming up to scratch at the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.

“Yeah, I’m really sorry about that,” he said, shrugging. “Would you believe me if I told you I suddenly remembered I’d left my iron on and so I ran home to check if my house wasn’t on fire?”

Darren pretended to mull it over, causing them both to start giggling.

“To be fair,” Darren laughed, “I did stare at you quite intensely there. I would have probably run away too, if I had been you.”

 They both snorted again, raising their glasses in a silent toast when Naya finally got Darren his drink.

“So, do you think we could maybe be awkward friends? I really need to make some new friends here so I’m not stuck with those two crazies back there all the time,” Darren tried, giving Chris his best puppy eyes.

Chris let out a huff of nervous laughter.

“Are you actually for real?” He asked, his eyebrows disappearing in his hairline. But Darren could tell this guy liked him.

He was very likeable, after all.

“Very,  _very_  real,” he beamed back at Chris, bouncing on the stool happily.

Darren could tell, as they continued chatting and sipping their respective poisons, Chris’s shoulders visibly relaxing with every drink, that this very new L.A. friendship of his was a beginning of something great.

Really  _really_  great.

 

x

 

**purpledinosaurs→ rainbowspy**

Breakfast was awesome, Dom. And thank you! I wish I could do more Kurt covers, but that guy sings like an angel so it’s pretty fucking intimidating to try and cover that. Sometimes I just want to roll around in his voice *happy sigh*.

**.**

**purpledinosaurs→ tiscurtis**

Curtis, I’m actually beginning to suspect you’re two different people, because you sure as hell aren’t this nice to me IRL.

Also, yes, let’s totally make a cover together!

.

**purpledinosaurs→ crissian90**

Yes, Jo, our relationship has recently progressed to PMs. I guess you can book the chapel for next Sunday :P :P.

**.**

**purpledinosaurs→ crissian90**

I fully agree with the blanket plan. In fact, let’s kidnap Kurt from the radio. I’ll drive, you’ll knock out the guards at Paramount.

I don’t know if I want to risk bringing my guitar to that place.

But update on the guy. I ran into him in a bar today and we had a really good time. He’s nice. Awkward, but nice. I don’t know what it is about him, but something really makes me want to be his best friend. Am I going crazy, Jo? Also, I know his name now! Achievement!

**.**

**purpledinosaurs→ anonymous**

chuck. Go. AWAY

.

**purpledinosaurs→ dammitjoey**

I will text you first thing tomorrow, bro. I’m too tired to go through all pictures of the weird dumpling-y food you kept sending me throughout the whole day, to be honest.

I’m not coming home anytime soon, seeing I actually got a job today. And a very cool one at that. Details in the text.

I miss you too, though. Tell you what. You should totally come and visit. Soon. We’re talking weeks soon.

**.**

**purpledinosaurs→ kindofaninja**

Well strap in, my dear little ostrich, because I’m going to shower you with songs from now just to make you blush some more!

 

x

 

Darren chuckled as he clicked “reply”, something warm and cuddly coiling in his stomach. The apartment was dark and silent, both Dom and Curt long asleep, and the only light was coming from the screen of his laptop.

Darren suddenly realised he’d been sitting in the kitchen replying to the comments on his LiveJournal and YouTube channel for hours. Originally, he had intended to just check his LJ real quick, drink some water to finish sobering up, and then head to bed. But as it happened (and that was more often than not), his LJ had once again turned into a black hole that had sucked him in and totally fucked up his time perception in the process.

He checked his Tintin watch, his eyes almost bugging out at the sight. It was 4 am. And, oh,  _right_ , he was supposed to report for duty in The Law bright eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow night,  _god fucking dammit_.

He turned the laptop off and rubbed at his eyes, all of the sudden realising just how exhausted, tense and  _filthy_  he was. He was incredibly tempted to just say “screw it” and drag himself to bed in clothes that smelled like bar and car air-freshener, but luckily his sense of self-preservation was stronger, so he headed for the bathroom instead, humming softly under his breath.

The steaming hot water felt like a balsam to his aching muscles and Darren pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the shower doors, letting it fall onto his back. He groaned in relief as he felt the tension in his shoulders loosen, practically melting under the stream of scorching water.

Darren closed his eyes and let his brain relax, inwardly going through the catalogue of faces and bodies stored in his mind, his hand dancing across his torso and brushing over his quickly hardening nipples before it moved down. He felt his own muscles jump under his fingertips as his hand travelled lower, down his stomach, and he bit his lower lip, slightly shivering at the wave of arousal that hit him, when it finally reached its destination.    

He wrapped his fingers around his dick and pulled gently, opting for a fantasy of kissing the column of somebody’s neck, teeth scrapping against the smoothness of milky white skin while the person panted under him. There was a knee between his legs, rubbing against him, making his eyes roll back into his head.

Darren spread his legs farther apart, his hand picking up speed, as he imagined that person flipping him on his stomach and trailing wet kisses down his spine, one vertebra at a time. His breath hitched when imaginary hands massaged the globes of his ass, slick and warm fingers slipping between the cheeks.

He subconsciously rocked back into it, hot water hitting his neck and wetting his hair. Darren whined as the person in his mind kissed his earlobe and his whole body  _ached_  to turn back around and claim those lips. He desperately needed those lips all over his lips, that tongue curling around his tongue. He shallowly thrust into his hand, breathing raggedly.

And when he finally managed to get his mind to obey and he turned around in his fantasy, his breath stuttered and he almost drowned when he saw the eyes. The absolutely mindboggling blue-green-grey eyes staring at him all dark with lust and  _need_.

He came all over his hand, biting down on his knuckles to stop himself from crying out Chris’s name.             

“Right,” he said hoarsely when his legs stopped buckling under him from the force of his orgasm, his cloudy mind clearing. “Fuck.”

 

\--

[this chapter on tumblr](http://bentbackedtulip.tumblr.com/post/46961493055/no-backstage-3)


	4. Chapter 4

Ninja ( **kindofaninja** ) wrote,

 **Location:** bed   
 **Mood:** indescribable   
 **Music:**[I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4H5I6y1Qvz0&playnext=1&list=PLB3995273537B30A2)

**THE THINGS YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO WANT**

I’m talking about Instagram. And before you ask, _no_ , I’m not getting paid by Apple to write about it. This is a personal blog about the misadventures of a 22 years old person with the soul of a senior citizen. An awkward visit from the kid’s table. My last post was about my inability to both physically and emotionally handle one piece of an Ikea furniture. Come on. Do you really think massively rich company like Apple would ever bother? Heh.

I’ve never really wanted an iPhone, mostly because I felt like I was _supposed to_ , you know what I mean, and let’s face it, I never do what I’m supposed to do and I never want what I’m supposed to want. So I got a different phone and I was really happy with it, being a special snowflake and all, until I discovered that my phone didn’t have Instagram. Which, as you all know, is an app that allows you to take a picture of your food, crop it into a perfect square shape and give it a snazzy frame to top it up.

I think it’s actually quite nifty. And I wanted one. I really wanted one. Not because I needed it. To be honest, I don’t think *anyone* really does. But yeah, I still wanted one. So in the end, because I still didn’t want to get the actual thing, because that would be giving in too easily, I made an Instagram account using my co-worker’s phone and opted for using other people’s different phones to update it. Which, I think, is actually quite fun and original way of using it. Mostly because it turns your account into an actual photo album in which every single picture comes with an anecdote.

For instance, I have a picture on my Instagram account snapped from a phone of a person I was on a date with, and I snapped that picture (of our food, naturally) and posted it there secretly, when they went to the bathroom. We never went on another date and to this day I don’t know whether it was because they didn’t like me or because they found out that I broke into their phone to take a picture of marinated lamb and a diet coke. (It looked really good, jsyk.)

Where I’m going with this whole thing -supposing I _am_ going with it somewhere, of course.

Am I using it as a metaphor? We just don’t know, do we. I might have just made this post to tell you about my addiction to weird ways of using Instagram.

Or to say that I fucking love lamb.

The thing is, sometimes you should allow yourself to want things that you’re supposed to want. After all, if it makes you happy, all the rest of the concerns can go screw themselves.

 **Tags:** food **,** life lessons

~ 8 comments ~

**pleadingguilty**

That might be the single most adorable thing I have ever heard in my life. Can I just pluck you out from the internet and keep you in my pocket?

**.**

**crissian90**

Pleadingguilty took the words right out of my mouth. I want to hold you to my bosom and cuddle you until you can’t breathe.

So, the question is, dear Ninja, are you going to tell us your Instagram username now, or are we going to have to spend sleepless nights trying to find you on there by researching pictures of marinated lambs?

And more importantly, do you do it on every date?

**.**

**purpledinosaurs**

Wow, to be honest, I’m not even sure when was the last time I used my Instagram. I always forget that I own all these cool apps. Too much on my mind, I guess.

I had to give up on posting Vines on my twitter, because Chuck stole my phone and took about a hundred of vids of me sleeping with my mouth open, slobbering onto my chest. It took me ages to delete them all and then I couldn’t use the app anymore, because I remembered that incident every time I saw its icon.

I really like your way of using Instagram, though. Very inventive. I also like how this way you can keep track of your dating life by having pictures of their meals on the internet.

It’s sort of creepy… but mostly sweet.

Very you.

**.**

**babygoatwhosings**

Aww!

**.**

**rainbowspy**

Hello, Ninja! I hope you don’t mind me butting in! I actually just friended you. I’m not sure if you recognize me from Darren’s twitter, but I’m his roommate Dom. I was bored recently, so I went through D’s friendlist to find somebody new to read and I thought, “oh, obviously, Ninja should be my first choice”, since you two are, like, LiveJournal married :).

And I went through your whole blog and kept on reading until 2 am! You are so funny and witty! I hope we can be friends!

**.**

**crissian90** **→** **rainbowspy**

O-oh, be careful, man, Darren is a very possessive guy. Wait till he comes online and sees that you’re putting the moves on his LJ spouse!

**.**

**rainbowspy** **→** **crissian90**

I’m not scared of Darren! Have you seen him? He’s tiny!

**.**

**purpledinosaurs** **→** **rainbowspy**

Let me remind you that I still have your guinea pig, Dominic.

x

**COMPOSE MESSAGE**

**To:** purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** mcgonagall.jpg

 **Subject:** Five stars out of what?

And I admit I might not want to hear the truth.

Hey, you!

I’m actually quite disappointed I haven’t received any drunken messages from you on that night. I’ve always been curious about drunk!Darren Criss. I bet all of my money you’re a cuddle drunk. I can see you hanging all over you friends and singing about love, little birds and rainbows to random lamp posts on a street.

One of my best friends is like that. It’s really entertaining to watch. You know what, maybe it’s size-related, because she’s also ridiculously short.

I wish that we could get drunk together sometime. I feel like my un-touchy-feely-ness would go well together with your affectionate character. Sometimes I need people to pull me out of my shell.

And you *can* ask me questions, Darren. I just wanted you to know that I can’t guarantee you that I’ll answer them all. Revealing yourself on the internet might feel good to you, but for me it’s just the opposite, you see.  

I’m happy being where I am. I’m comfortable in my invisibility. Think John Lennon 1976.

Honestly, it’s like the equivalent of sitting in a giant cushiony rocking chair all bundled up in a tartan blanket with a tray of tea and biscuits within a reach and Scissor Sisters playing in the background. And you can get crumbs all over everything because nobody’s looking.

In other words - my personal idea of heaven.

See you around the internet!

xo Ninja

X

Chris sighed deeply, sliding his phone into his pocket as he leaned against the kitchen counter. These PM conversations between Ninja and Darren were slowly getting out of hand. And Darren was undoubtedly flirting with him. It might have not been intentional, but it was happening nevertheless.

It wasn’t a bad thing, per se- Chris liked flirting with Darren, _obviously_. Only, it felt painfully real sometimes, before he reminded himself that Darren didn’t _know_ anything about _Chris_. Hell, Darren didn’t know anything about _Ninja,_ either. Darren liked Ninja, sure. But then _everybody_ liked Ninja. Ninja was smooth. Ninja was funny and witty. Ninja wasn’t that awkward bumbling idiot who ran away on people crazily waving their hands about.

Ok, so maybe Chris hadn’t waved his hands about that time he ran out of the bookstore, but he still looked crazy. In his defence, it’d been a shock, seeing Darren in _his_ shop of all places! It was almost Casablanca-esque, _of all the bookstores in all the cities in the world you had to walk into mine_.

Chris chuckled, scratching the back of his neck.

In the end, it really didn’t matter, since Chris and Darren were now “pals”, as Darren so elaborately put it over his third pint of beer in The Law. And Chris was all right with that, he really was. It wasn’t like he could just let himself go and pine after Darren. Even if the guy was just as delicious in real life as he was on the internet. Chris wouldn’t let himself go into that place where he might develop _feelings_ , god forbid.

The truth was, though, that Darren was making it damn hard with his puppy-like enthusiasm, nice arms, adorable laugh… and no, the descriptions of him drooling on his own naked chest at night weren’t helping either. (Mostly because Chris knew about somebody else who wouldn’t mind drooling on Darren’s chest in a close proximity of a bed and…)

Brian mewled from the top of the fridge, successfully derailing the train of Chris’s thoughts.

“All right all right!” He exclaimed. He wasn’t going to ponder over this. Right now, he was _baking_.

 “So that’s two cups of flour…” Chris tapped his index finger against his lips as he peered into the set of instructions Ashley had written down for him, brow creased in concentration. “Yeah, I guess I can do that.” He whirled around, pulling a face at Brian, who was staring at him as if he wanted to say “dude, you really suck at this life thingy, don’t you”.

“Shut up,” he laughed. “I need a cup, Brian. “Cup, cup, cupity, cup.” He narrowed his eyes at the cupboard, thinking that it was probably the right place to start.

He opened it and reached for the chipped Mickey & Minnie cup he never drank from anymore, crying out in delight when he spotted a bottle of rum hidden behind it.

“It’s all about the simple pleasures in life,” he shrugged at the now purring Brian, unscrewing the top and taking a tiny sip.

“Now, let’s fucking do it.”

**x**

**NEW MESSAGE**

**To:** kindofaninja

 **Userpic:** harrypotter.jpg

 **Subject:** out of four. tops.

Ninja! You finally wrote back!

I wasn’t actually really drunk that night. I was bonding with a new friend and mostly just lost track of time. I was relatively sober when I got home. I was also really exhausted from the job hunt, as you can imagine, so I went straight to bed.

Ninja. I would love to pull you out of your shell. In fact, I’m an expert shell-puller, ask anybody.

Also, I see how it is, starting with the short jokes already, are we, eh? This friendship is not going to last for long this way. (Just kidding, make fun of my height all you want, because now I at least know that Ninja is taller than Darren. That’s nice. That counts for something. It makes me feel like I know you a little better.)

I was also going to beg you for your Instagram name, but I guess after what you just wrote me, I’m not even going to try. I’ll do what Jo suggested and rummage the internet for snazzy pictures of marinated lamb instead, hoping to stumble upon it.

Or you could just give up and tell me. You know you want to.

Love,

Darren

PS. Wasn’t John Lennon on heroin in 1976?

x

Chris had batter all over his nose, cheeks, and some was even in his ear, when the doorbell rang.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath and attempted to blow few stray strands of his hair from his sweaty forehead before he gave up and walked towards the door, opening it with his elbows.

“Fink!” He barked as soon as he saw his co-worker, making her jump a little. “Where have you _been_?”

It was a good question. She was supposed to be here _an hour ago_. Which would have made the time of Chris’s suffering much shorter. He couldn’t possibly _bake cupcakes_. Not on his own. He didn’t do well in the kitchen area at all, unless it involved groping somebody’s backside while snogging them silly against the kitchen counter.

Ashley blinked at him a few times, taking in his appearance, before bursting into one of her signature loud laughs. “Oh my god, what have you been _doing_?” She had to lean against the doorframe to keep herself up.

“Yeah, yeah, right,” Chris rolled his eyes. “Laugh it out, Fink, go on.”

She stopped laughing and eyed him seriously.

“Chris, you look like a desperate housewife of Laurel Canyon.”

He rolled his eyes once more. “Oh for the- just come in, yeah? I have to crack all these eggs and I don’t have time for your jokes.”

Ashley raised her eyebrows, toeing off her shoes on her way to the kitchen. “What do you mean ‘all these eggs’? Honey, you _do_ know there are supposed to be only two eggs in these cupcakes, right?”

Chris frowned. “Well I thought we’d do more, since we won’t be baking again anytime soon. Ever, actually,” he added, almost laughing out loud at Ashley’s expression as she took in the state of the kitchen.

It wasn’t like there was batter everywhere. But it was in a lot of places that weren’t originally designed to be covered in it.  

“Don’t look at me like that, ok?” He giggled hysterically. “This is the first and last time you’ll ever see me actually using my stove other than for drying socks. I’d cherish these moments if I were you.”

Ashley snorted. “How could you even do all this in one hour? Chris, I swear, sometimes I don’t understand how you work at all.”

“And you never will.” Chris wiggled his eyebrows, small smile tugging on his lips. “Well it was your idea to bake in order to bond! I told you I wasn’t good at this thing.”

“But I thought you just meant you couldn’t cook, not that you’d blow up the kitchen while attempting to mix flour with butter and eggs,” she shook her head. “You even got batter on Brian!”

“He actually did that himself,” Chris pointed out. “He was trying to eat the butter and his head got stuck in the bowl.” He waved his hand, dismissing it. He grabbed the bowl again and started mixing the batter furiously. “How did you manage to leave The Shelves so soon, anyway? _That’s_ what _I’m_ interested to know. Because I doubt Ryan allowed you to close up for the day.”

Ashley chuckled.

“He did, actually. He said you deserved some quality time with your BFF today. He also said that you stress too much.”

“Oh, right, I see,” Chris rolled his eyes, thinking that maybe he needed to have words with Ryan. Soon. He still owed him an explanation regarding Darren, anyway. Because that couldn’t have been just a random hire. There was no way Darren just happened to run into Ryan Murphy in the streets of Los Angeles. There was no way Ryan Murphy just randomly hired him. And there was no way Naya Rivera just happened to take a shine to him so quickly.

It was bullshit.

And Chris didn’t believe in fate. He didn’t believe in random happenstances.

He did, however, believe in bad luck and Murphy’s law (ha!).

Ashley’s voice once again ripped Chris out of his thoughts.

“Have you even chopped the bananas yet?” She asked, her eyes sliding across the lines of the recipe.

“No?” Chris cocked his head to a side. “But everything else is in,” he announced and tilted the bowl, showing her the perfectly mixed ingredients.

“You realise they’re supposed to be banana cupcakes, though, do you, Colfer?” Ashley mused. “Why haven’t you chopped the bananas, yet?”  

“I never know how to handle bananas, ok!” Chris exclaimed, suddenly embarrassed.

It was the truth, all right? Bananas were the most awkward fruits, maybe even more than peaches, and he always felt so weird around them. How do you hold a banana? Which end is the one where you start peeling? _How on earth do you even eat a goddamn banana?_

It was mostly the shape of it. The shape of a banana that looked like a penis and Chris just couldn’t stop thinking about that when he was holding one. A banana. (Because he definitely didn’t think about bananas when he was, by some fantastic chance, holding a penis. That would be weird.)  

“You know what, I don’t want to know,” Ashley suddenly snorted, shaking her head. “Are they in the fridge?” She asked. Chris nodded, suddenly jumping in surprise when his phone chirped and vibrated in his pocket, announcing that he got a new text.

Ashley looked at him questioningly as she peeled the first banana (making him shudder). Chris continued mixing the batter like it was the most important thing in the world.

“Aren’t you gonna check that?”

“Nope,” he replied simply. “My hands are batter-y.” He paused, lifting the whisk to his mouth to taste it. “Also it’s probably Darren. I’m too nervous to look.”

Ashley visibly livened at that prospect, making grabby hands at him.

“Give it to me, then! I can totally text him for you! You didn’t tell me you gave him your number?!”

Yeah, well, Chris really didn’t talk to _anybody_ about Darren. Even if Lea begged him. Even if Naya wouldn’t stop constantly winking at him from behind the bar. He was walking on thin ice. He was juggling three different identities and he was starting to get lost in who knew which Chris. It was exhausting. And the more he talked to people the more confusing it got.

And also, he kind of wanted to keep his friendship with Darren under wraps for now. At least for a little while. It was something new and exciting and warm, like Darren’s smile, it was something he wanted to just enjoy for a moment before his nosy friends started meddling in it.

Ashley had apparently a different idea, managing to back him against the counter and yank the phone out of his pocket, crying out in triumph.

“Fucking hell, Fink, one inch to the left and I’d have to use one of those bananas as a substitute!” He scowled at her. “Also, you almost made me drop the batter. I worked really hard on that batter!” He clutched the bowl closer to his chest.

Ashley just laughed at him, furiously pressing buttons on his phone.

“It _is_ from him!” She exclaimed, throwing him a brilliant smile. “And aww, he misses you, Chris!”

Chris’s heartbeat quickened.

“He _so_ did _not_ say that,” he frowned, suspicious.

“No, he didn’t,” she rolled her eyes. “But it’s clear as a day! He wants to see you.”

Chris felt his mouth involuntarily curve into a smile (which happened every time he thought about Darren, especially lately).

“Ok,” he sighed, shuffling closer. “What did he say, then?”

Ashley smirked at him.

“Keep mixing that batter and throw the chopped bananas in, honey, and maybe I’ll tell you.”

“You’re a cruel woman.”

“It is known. Keep mixing and let auntie Fink take care of this.”

X

**_From: unknown number_ **

_Hey, Chris! Wanna do something today? I still haven’t discovered my sanctuary and I saw a coffee shop last week that looked promising!_

 

**To: unknown number**

Who are you and how do you know my name? And who even says “sanctuary”?

 

**_From: unknown number_ **

_You forgot me already? :( It’s Darren. You gave me your number last week. Please I need caffeine to gain strength for my shift in The Law._

**_From: unknown number_ **

_I could even beg if you wanted._

 

**To: Capt. McHotsypants**

I was joking, silly ;).

 

**To: Capt. McHotsypants**

Yes to coffee. Totally.

 

**To: Capt. McHotsypants**

Little bit of begging would’ve been nice, tho. But I love coffee so you’re forgiven.

 

**To: Capt. McHotsypants**

Can you pick me up, sexy?  

 

**_From: Capt. McHotsypants_ **

_Um. Sure? But how are you gonna get back home? I’ll need to leave straight for the bar._

**To: Capt. McHotsypants**

Am I even gonna needfgtiuh,

****

**_From: Capt._ _McHotsypants_**

_???_

**To: Darren**

Oh my god im so sorry ashley took my phone

**To: Darren**

Of course I remember you and yes we can go out

**To: Darren**

Were baking and im all battery and banany textin with one hand now

**To: Darren**

You dont need to pick me up ill drive myself I have plans after anyway

**To: Darren**

five pm ok?

**_From: Darren_ **

_Hahaha. I knew you weren’t a “totally” sort of guy. That’s a relief. Ashley is your co-worker from the shop, right? Tell her I said hi!_

 

**_From: Darren_ **

_And yes to 5 PM :)_

**To: Darren**

Im not talking to her and youre right I dont say totally and I dont drink coffee either by the way

 

**_From: Darren_ **

_No? Should we go somewhere else, then? I didn’t know there were people in LA who didn’t drink coffee! What even gets you through the day?_

**To: Darren**

Hehehe mostly anger

**To: Darren**

Kidding ive sleep issues shut up coffee makes it worse so I steer away from that shit also it tastes like cocks

**To: Darren**

Socks oh my god not cocks fuckit this always happens to me

**_From: Darren_ **

_Hahaha best typo ever._

 

**_From: Darren_ **

_What are you baking anyway? Can I have some? And more importantly, when did you eat socks???_

**To: Darren**

You dont have to eat a sock to know that it tastes disgusting and were making banana cupcakes

**To: Darren**

Well muffins because I dont think ill have the willpower to make frosting especially since im not talking to ashley and shes the one who knows how to make it

**To: Darren**

But ill bring you some if it survives the actual baking process

 

**_From: Darren_ **

_Wee! I love muffins! Or cupcakes! So delicious! Bring it even if it goes wrong. I love burnt stuff._

**To: Darren**

Who says were gonna burn it im offended

**To: Darren**

Ill have my cat watch them for me cos he likes watching food its like a tv for him

 

**To: Darren**

Ha! All washed! Cupcakes are in the oven. I hope you can see now that I’m not illiterate.

**To: Darren**

Also what’s the name of the coffee shop, so I can google the address?

 

**_From: Darren_ **

_I feel like your cat and me are probably kindred spirits. You’ll have to introduce us sometime._

 

**_From: Darren_ **

_Tinker Bell Coffee. It’s actually quite close to Murphy’s Shelves. Maybe you know it?_

**To: Darren**

Goddammit!

****

**_From: Darren_ **

_What’s wrong? Is their coffee shit? Do they spit in the drinks? Should we go somewhere else?_

**To: Darren**

Well. Oh dammit. You know what? No. No, it’s fine. I’ll see you there at 5.

****

**_From: Darren_ **

_Awesome! See you in a bit, then! Can’t wait! X_

**To: Darren**

I’m sure you can’t, fox.

**To: Darren**

That was Ashley again, oh my god.

 

**_From: Darren_ **

_:D_

X

Chris’s cheeks were still tinted red when he pushed the door of Tinker Bell Coffee open using his hip, both arms safely wrapped around a box of chocolate chip banana cupcakes (that were not burnt, just tastefully tan, thank you very much). He smiled widely when he saw Darren already seated in the corner, nursing an XXL cup of coffee.

He looked _unfairly_ hot in a black v neck, dark blue jeans and a pair of yellow sunglasses nestled in his tousled curls. Chris almost regretted he opted for the nerdy style today, wearing one of his favourite t-shirts with a picture of Hogwarts in a Disney style on it. But then he noticed Darren staring at it with his mouth open, eyes literally sparkling with delight. Chris almost patted himself on the back.

His excitement faltered a little when he saw Lea waggling her eyebrows at him from behind the counter, though.

As this was Lea’s coffee shop.

Well, technically it was Ryan’s coffee shop, but Lea was the main barista in it and Chris had a suspicion he even named it after a line Rachel once said on Glee, so basically it was hers. And she was smirking at him like a cat that got the cream. Or in her case, a really juicy thing to gossip about with Cory and Dianna after their planned Glee rehearsal tonight.

Chris wanted to turn around and walk right out of there, but then Darren’s eyes found his, and his whole face lit up like a fucking Christmas tree and Chris just couldn’t. The opposite, actually. He felt like if he tried to get to the table any faster he’d probably trip over his own feet and knock out all of his teeth, which wouldn’t be very attractive. He gave Darren a little wave instead and casually walked over, willing his body to stop trembling with excitement. 

“Hi, I love your shirt,” Darren said immediately as soon as Chris sat down and put the box of cupcakes on the table. “Also, I hope these are the cupcakes, because it smells like rainbows and happiness and I want my mouth _all over it_.”

Chris giggled at the suggestive comment, slapping his hand over his mouth, feeling his cheeks go even redder. Dammit. Chris _did not_ giggle like a schoolgirl.

“Yes they are,” he flashed a toothy smile. “You might have to share with Lea, though.” Chris rolled his eyes, because he knew she was standing right behind him.

“Why, hello, Chris, I had no idea you two would be here today,” she exclaimed and Chris knew she was cackling evilly in her mind. “What can I get you?”

Chris turned around, sighing.

“Do you by any chance have a can of diet coke back there?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to try coffee? It’s gonna be _a long day_ ,” she suggested pointedly. Chris knew it was going to be a long day. He’d spent hours memorizing his lines for tomorrow’s Glee while usually he just needed to run through them a few times. It was going to be a difficult episode. With tons of singing and pages and pages of difficult dialogue. He wanted to have it down for the rehearsal today. He wanted it to be perfect.

“Coke, Lea,” he repeated, shaking his head. “I don’t think today is the day to experiment with my brain. We don’t know what coffee might do to me,” he turned to Darren who nodded in understanding.

“I think there’s some in the fridge,” Lea rolled her eyes and then she smiled at Darren. “He’s so addicted to soda, it’s ridiculous. I swear you could take a swim in the amount of coke he’s drunk this week.

Darren chuckled. “I’m gonna have to get him to try coffee with me some other day, then. It’s really good, by the way,” he smiled at Lea and Chris felt a pang of jealousy somewhere deep inside. Because of course Darren would go for Lea. Darren liked girls. Which was a fact Chris didn’t like to ponder about on daily basis, naturally, but it was a fact anyway. And Chris knew this. And he needed his brain to get to that point where it understood this as well. Because his stupid brain along with his stupid heart wouldn’t stop freaking out at every smile. Every touch. At every time Darren let Chris’s name roll off his tongue like it was a delicious meal.

Chris managed to collect himself mentally after Lea finally left and Darren’s attention was once again focused on him.

“I really love your shirt,” Darren repeated, his eyes sweeping across Chris’s chest in a way that made Chris’s stomach flip. He felt himself blush to the roots of his artfully messed-up hair and he wished he had something to do with his hands.

“It’s Wizneyland,” Chris explained proudly. “I take it you’re a Harry Potter fan, then?” He asked (even if he already knew the answer) and Darren nodded, smiling ear to ear.

“I’m a total Potterhead, man!”

“Good,” Chris smirked. “I really needed somebody to be nerdy with. My friends are into music and stuff, which is nice, but nobody really likes all these weird shows and books as much as I do.”

“Are you kidding?” Darren sat up straighter in his chair. “I love _all_ the shit. Downton Abbey, Desperate Wives, SpongeBob SquarePants, John Green, Harper Lee, Glee…”

Chris mentally flinched at the last one. To be honest, he kind of itched to tell Darren about Glee. About being Kurt. He subconsciously knew that it would make Darren like him even more. He _yearned_ for Darren to like him even more. But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t do that because, well, he wasn’t allowed to, for one. He had signed a contract that strictly prohibited this. And also, he kind of didn’t want to.

He wanted Darren to like him just for _him_.

Chris just hoped he wouldn’t get caught in a web of his own lies one day. And if he ever did, he hoped that Darren would understand. That he would forgive him. That he wouldn’t stop liking him.

They sat in the coffee shop for over two hours, not even noticing when it started filling with people coming for their second coffee fix of the day after working for long hours. Tinker Bell Coffee was always the fullest on Friday afternoons and Lea never stopped to take a breather, which was quite convenient because then she couldn’t be nosey about what Chris and Darren had been doing.

They had been talking about anything and everything, laughing so hard they cried, and Chris loved the way Darren used his whole body when he talked, gesticulating with his hands, laughing with his whole face, warming up Chris from the inside to the very tips of his fingers with the lilt of his accent.

“I really like talking to you,” he said before he could stop himself. He almost sighed in relief when he saw Darren’s bashful smile.

“Me too, man,” he admitted. “It’s nice to meet somebody who gets like… well, everything,” he laughed quietly, fingers mapping the Tinker Bell logo on his coffee cup. He looked down at his hands, his long eyelashes brushing against his cheeks. “You really make me want to not go to work. And I was really looking forward to tonight, since I get to sing some of my original songs.”

Chris swallowed. He was shocked by how dry his throat was when he’d been literally pouring coke into it for the past two hours. He was suddenly struck by how beautiful the man sitting opposite him really was.

Of course he’d always found Darren hot. Ever since he saw that first video. But this was a whole new level of it. A whole new dimension, literally. The curve of Darren’s smile. The shadow of his eyelashes on his face. The tiny fans of crinkles around his eyes.

Chris had known Darren was beautiful and amazing before and he liked him (even if he could be a cheeky asshole). He had managed to piece all the bits of him he saw online together to create the image in his mind ages ago. But seeing it all happening together? For real? It could never compare.

Chris allowed himself a chuckle and then he sighed when he realised how long they’d been sitting there.

“Well as much as I’ve loved it, you really should go. And me too, actually,” he said, checking the time on his phone. “I’ll just wait for Lea here to clock out and then we’ll head out together.”

Darren nodded and stretched, his foot accidentally brushing against Chris’s calf under the table, sending shivers down his spine.

“The cupcakes are yours, though,” Chris winked. “They’re the first and only thing I’ve ever baked, so treasure them.”

Darren laughed, his eyes crinkling again and Chris’s heart jumped violently in his chest. Darren leaned closer, the smell of his cologne temporarily overwhelming Chris’s senses, and opened the lid of the box to take a whiff.

“It smells so amazing, I’m probably gonna slobber all over it on my way to The Law,” he said.

“I know what you mean,” nodded Chris. “Uh, I mean, yes, it’s all the vanilla in it!” He corrected himself, face-palming inwardly.

Was this whole thing getting a bit awkward or was it just Chris’s imagination?

Darren giggled, pulling the box closer and checking his own watch.

“I’m just going to pop to the loo before I go, would you mind watching my phone for a bit?”

Chris shrugged, signalling that he didn’t mind, crossing his legs under the table to get more comfortable.

“I will protect it with my life,” he said seriously, making Darren snort.

“Just your eyes should do the trick,” he smiled over his shoulder while walking away from the table, providing the most perfect view of his peach-like ass, making Chris duck his head and blush furiously. He was not going to objectify his new friend _that_ badly, ok? Just no.

Instead, he unashamedly reached for Darren’s  phone and quickly tapped the Instagram icon, almost choking on his own spit when he noticed Darren’s last update.

It was a picture of their table, with Chris’s coke and Darren’s coffee cup on it. And the caption read: _Trying out Ninja’s method! There’s no lamb on this table, but I guess it counts as a date picture anyway. #TinkerBellCoffee #LA_

Needless to say Chris’s heart almost gave out. He barely managed to snap his own picture, quickly updating his account and then deleting it in frenzy before Darren emerged from the bathroom, wide smile firmly on his face.

Also needless to say, Chris fell in love a little bit.

X

**COMPOSE MESSAGE**

**To:** purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** mcgonagall.jpg

 **Subject:** flattery will get you everywhere

Darren! Yes I did!

Bonding with a new friend? Well, I certainly hope you’re not talking to them about heroin as well! Or pulling them out of their shells against their will. Some people like it in their shells, you know. It’s dark and cosy and comfortable here. And nobody can reach you so they can punch you in the face.

I don’t think the knowledge that Ninja is taller than Darren should be significant since everybody is taller than Darren. But ok, I will stop the height jokes if you mind them so much. I do think you should *rise above it* though, if you know what I mean.

I’m quite enjoying the thought of you and Jo going through all the marinated lambs of the internet, looking for the right one. It’s like a really morbid version of Cinderella.

I really like fairy tales and my favourite thing about them is that you can reimagine them over and over while still keeping the original intend. I’m probably not making any sense to you, am I. Writers…

You can try Darren, but you’ll never get me alive! *laughs hysterically*

Shell on,

Ninja

X

“Stop tapping away on your phone, Colfer, and come here,” Lea yelled from the back of the shop, pulling up a brand new can of coke to lure him over.

Chris rolled his eyes but collected his things anyway, moving to the tiny counter to keep Lea company before Melissa came to take her shift.

“Ready for the rehearsal?” Lea asked, popping his coke open and sliding it towards him. “You’ve got some serious lines in this episode.”

Chris resisted the urge to roll his eyes again. He sighed instead.

“I know. I’m going to need to have some serious words with Ryan. I’m tired of crying in _every single_ episode. It’s like Kurt never gets any funny storylines anymore. I want a lighter storyline,” he pouted. “Hell, I want a love interest. I’m probably gonna have to write that episode myself, the way I see it,” he added, taking an angry sip of his drink.

Lea snorted.

“I thought you said you never wanted to write an episode?” She lifted one eyebrow.

“Well I’m gonna _have_ to, aren’t I,” Chris leered at her. “I want Kurt to get laid, at least, since I’m not getting any anytime soon.”

Lea shook her head, amused.

“That’s because you don’t go on dates anymore.”

“I’m too busy, ok!?” Chris muttered, frowning. He felt kind of relieved when his phone chirped in his hand.

 

**_From: Darren_ **

_Hey. I just wanted to tell you again that I really enjoyed this afternoon. We should do a repeat soon!_

 

**_From: Darren_ **

_Also I know you’re busy tonight, but as I already mentioned, I’m singing some of my original songs in The Law today. I’d love to see you there!_

**_From: Darren_ **

_The cupcakes taste like a banana heaven. I was gonna save some for Dom and Curt, but fuck it, they’re too good to share._

 

**_From: Darren_ **

_I_ _*really* liked your shirt._

Chris smirked, his eyes still glued to his phone.

“Ok. I’m going to The Law tonight,” he announced, biting on his lower lip as he opened a new message.

**To: Darren**

Yes please! Let’s not do coffee next time, though.

 

**To: Darren**

I’ll try to get there by 9. Leave the best song for the end? :)

**To: Darren**

Ohoho, think carefully, young padawan, you won’t get any more baked goods from me, remember? I don’t want Dom and Curt to dislike me!

**To: Darren**

Stop it. I’m starting to think you’re after my shirt and not my friendship :P.

X

**kindofaninja** **→** **pleadingguilty**

I don’t know. Depends on what you usually keep in your pockets??? I don’t want to get stuck to something disgusting :P.

**.**

**kindofaninja** **→** **crissian90**

Jo, as much as I love you, I’m really not a great fan of boobs, so please, keep those away. (I’m sure they’re brilliant, though. Just not my thing. I can imagine they’re probably comfortable to rest your head on?)

Haha, and no, I’m not telling you anything. I already tell you guys way too much. I swear you and Darren are on a mission to get me to ruin my secret identity *screeches*.

And yes, I do it on every date.

**.**

**kindofaninja** **→** **purpledinosaurs**

I was going to be annoying and tell you to use your twitter more, because I love all your vines and pictures, but that would be really unfair of me, so consider it unsaid.

Also, your brother really troubles me sometimes.

Nobody has ever called me creepy and sweet in one sentence. I guess I’m taking it as a compliment, because I’m that sort of a person who actually *would* take something like this as a compliment.

And check your PMs, doofus.

**.**

**kindofaninja** **→** **babygoatwhosings**

If you are who I think you are there will be blood.

**.**

**kindofaninja** **→** **rainbowspy**

Hello, Dom! I’m glad you find your way into my kingdom, I hope you like it here. And yes, let’s be friends (don’t worry about Darren, he’ll get over it. That is, if it’s not too high up).

x

The Law was dark and full of smoke when Chris came in. He was emotionally drained from the rehearsal and still trying to catch his breath from how fast he ran all the way from the car park, worried that he might miss Darren’s performance. But he was fucking excited to be here. Because he was sure that Darren singing live would be about thousand times better than seeing him do it on a video, which already felt like staring directly into the sun.

He looked around, seeking familiar faces, but the smoke was too thick to see anything. He somewhat managed to blindly find his way to the bar when somebody finally switched a light somewhere. Chris whirled around to find a source of it and his eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

Darren was sitting at the piano, his fingers positioned on the keys, his hair almost light brown in the single beam of light that shone on him.

His lips were slightly parted and his eyes were closed and it took Chris’s breath away for the second time that day. And when Darren finally opened his eyes and looked right at him, Chris had to grip the edge of the bar so he wouldn’t make some sort of embarrassing noise.

Darren looked like an exotic animal behind that piano; his skin was practically glistening, tiny beads of sweat sliding down his collarbones in a way that made Chris’s throat uncomfortably dry and his pants uncomfortably tight.

“Hello, everybody, again,” Darren said, pressing a few random keys on the piano to provide a soundtrack to his words. “For those of you who only just came in, I’m Darren Criss and this is one of my original songs. It’s called Stutter.”

He launched into the song and Chris had to sit down, because _damn_. He had heard that song before, but he had never really noticed just how _intense_ it was. But that was possibly because he had never had that song sung directly to him.

Except in his wildest dreams, of course.

Their eyes met again and Chris held on, determined not to look away, even if his cheeks were burning. He thought about the things he was supposed to want and the things he had no right to want and his heart got heavier with every passing second of the raunchy song pouring out of Darren.

He heard Naya chuckle next to him.

“Man, I did _good_ ,” she whistled so quietly only Chris could hear it.

He nodded.

“Was it your idea to put him in the eyeliner?” He asked under his breath, eyes still glued to the incredible man on the tiny stage.

“Yep,” she said smugly, patting him on the shoulder, before she disappeared to get him a drink.

And that was good, because he really needed one. He really _really_ needed one if he didn’t want to come in his pants in a middle of the bar.

**x**

**NEW MESSAGE**

**To:** kindofaninja

 **Userpic:** harrypotter.jpg

 **Subject:** good to know

Dear Ninja,

I’m sorry you got punched in the face :(. But do you realise nobody can hug you or kiss you either if they can’t reach you?

Having internet friends is amazing, but sometimes it just makes me so frustrated. Like you said, I’m a very touchy-feely guy. I’m a physical dude, man. And I’m used to reaching for people when I sense that they need it. I’m used to hugging the living daylight out my friends when I sense they need somebody.

And your hugging alarm is going off like crazy, Ninja.

Oh! I didn’t know you wrote fairy-tales! I certainly love all of your LJ posts, so if you ever publish a book or something I hope you let me know! Secret identities aside - that would be shit getting real. You’d have to come out then, I hope you realise this.

Because you’d have to get me a signed copy.

I saw a really cool shirt with a picture of Hogwarts in Disney style on it today and it reminded me of you.

Write back soon, yeah?

Love,

Darren

 

\--

a/n: thank you for reading! idk if you noticed, but my friend [tere](http://itsnotsilly.tumblr.com/) made a beautiful piece of graphic for this story so[ go look at it](http://bentbackedtulip.tumblr.com/post/47470561741/in-a-world-where-glee-is-a-show-on-the-radio) (ﾉ ˆ. ____ .ˆ )ﾉ*:･ﾟ

also, [here's](http://bentbackedtulip.tumblr.com/post/47878987178/no-backstage-4) the chapter on tumblr.


	5. Chapter 5

Darren ( **purpledinosaurs** ) wrote,

 **Location:**  Los Angeles, CA  **  
 **Mood:****  pensive  
 **Music:**  [Animal](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gM7Hlg75Mlo)

**THE INCREDIBLE PROCESS OF SOULBARING**

So. I don’t think I ever told you about songwriting . Maybe because it’s this intimate, personal thing that you sometimes just don’t _want_  to share. Because _sharing_  is ultimately giving a part of yourself away. Now, giving little pieces of yourself away doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing (unless you’re Voldemort). After all, that’s what songwriting is about. Or any writing, really (including blogging). It really is giving a part of yourself away. To the song. To the people who will listen to that song and make it their own.

It’s like baring your soul. Revealing yourself. And it can be a bit terrifying.

That’s what makes it such an incredible experience, though. I think that writing songs is probably my favourite thing ever. My parents say I used to be the biggest spazz when I was young. I was always on my feet, bouncing off the walls, screeching, dancing and singing at everybody who was (or wasn’t) willing to listen. They never knew what to do with me, except for Chuck, who used to lock me in the closet for prolonged periods of time to shut me up for a bit. (It might seem really cruel when I write it like that, but it actually wasn’t so bad. He always gave me his pocket flashlight, random copy of Peanuts, and some candy.)

The point is that the only time I would at least remotely calm down was when I was trying to write a song. I would spend whole  _days_  locked in my room sitting cross-legged on my bed with my guitar in my lap, determined to figure out every word, every little tune, every chord change… it was the only thing that managed to still my mind and make it focus.

I started writing songs… well, I can’t really remember the time I  _wasn’t_  writing them, to be honest. It’s just one of those things that are a part of you just as much as breathing or hating Brussels sprouts. Anyway, they have always been just really silly, goofy, stupid songs about talking flowers, dotted umbrellas, and purple dinosaurs (ha!) that I would force my family to listen to. At some point during puberty I realised I should probably up my game. I realised that even though songwriting had always been just this silly thing I did, it was the thing that made me the happiest. And that maybe I should get my shit together and start writing *real* songs to get even happier than happiest (do you see the flaw in my logic already?).

And I did. Try, I mean. And it took me a while to realise that the silly and goofy side to my songs had nothing to do with age or maturity. It was just the way I wrote. And so I learnt to embrace that. And I learnt to write serious songs that still had talking flowers and spotted umbrellas in them.

Essentially, I upped my game without losing myself in the process. Thus, here we are today.

Songwriting is an incredibly soulbaring experience. But what’s even more soulbaring is getting to play your songs to people. I got to play some of my original songs in The Law the other day and I will never forget the way those people listened to what I had to say. Especially those people I was hoping to get to notice me.

Anyway. Why am I talking about all this? I’ve been on-and-off working on a really important song ever since I came to L.A., and I think it’s going to be one of these soulbaring songs when I’m done with it. I want it to capture  _this_ , you know. This huge change I’m undergoing. And I’m not just talking about the big move. I’m talking about starting something new. In a brand new place. With a brand new job. And brand new people surrounding me.

It’s gonna take a while. Not just because I’m busy (my shifts in The Law are pretty exhausting and I take as many auditions as I can), but because it’s a process.

Long soulbaring process.

I will keep you posted.

xo Darren                                                                                                                                                                                      

PS: Comment on this post and tell me what makes  _you_  bare your soul! Share your passions!

And eat your veggies.

 **Tags:**  songwriting, the adventure continues, the law, the song I’ve yet to name

~860 comments~

x

**rainbowspy**

Singing! Singing is my passion, singing makes me bare my soul, especially long high tones! But you already knew that, I mean, my shower concerts are hard to miss in an apartment with walls as thin as ours. I’m really excited about your new song! I only caught little bits and pieces, but I can already safely say I’m going to love it.

Rock on!

**.**

**tiscurtis**

I second what Dom said. And from what I heard, your performance in The Law was awesome. I’ve got to take Kim and come see you next time! (And not just so I can laugh at you sweating all over their piano.)

.

**Crissian90**

Well now that I’m reading tiscurtis’s comment I really wish I could have been there to see you perform *pouts*. I never thought I’d ever call SanFran Narnia, but here we go. I guess that really cool things happening close to you make you feel even grumpier than really cool things happening on the other side of the US (or worse, the world), because you know that those cool things are happening IN. YOUR. STATE. but it’s *still* too far away and too expensive to go.

It’s so frustrating.

**.**

**Crissian90**

Anyway, that was me venting and now something about my passions. My passions are food, Asian languages (我喜歡你的屁股。*), LiveJournal, Glee (Kurt Hummel!), and shipping random people on the internet. Like you and Ninja.

**.**

**Crissian90**

Who said that, certainly not me. *whistles as she backs away from the computer*

**.**

**dammitjoey**

Oh, so you finally introduced the City of Angels to your power of sweat! I hope they didn’t take off screaming. (I think it’s an independent form of life, but it’s yet to be determined.)

**.**

**anonymous**

I’m passionate about food. A lot.

**.**

**anonymous**

Also, stop complaining, I distinctively remember that one time I locked you into that closet with a porn magazine. So don’t tell me I never did you any favours.

**.**

**anonymous**

It’s Chuck, by the way.

x

**COMPOSE MESSAGE**

**To:** kindofaninja

 **Userpic:** banana.jpg

 **Subject:** lacking some ninja time

Hey, Ninja!

I know it’s not my turn to PM you, but I haven’t seen you on LJ in a weeks and I’ve been worried! Are you alive? Or more importantly, is your internet alive? Because if it isn’t I’d be more than happy to share my internets with you.

I really miss our chats. There are so many things I itch to tell somebody, but they’re too personal to share on my blog and too delicate to tell my nosey friends… I need you, ok. Is it something I said? I know that sometimes I come onto people really hard and they get scared… but I though the two of us were cool?

I mean, I don’t even know your name, let alone your gender, or the kind of toothpaste you use (which, just so you know, holds about the same importance to me), but I feel like I can trust you. Like I can tell you things I can’t tell the whole internet.

I hope you’re ok. If it was the hugging thing that scared you I promise I will try to keep my virtual hands to myself.

Love,

Darren  —<vw,^wv,^wv,^(.)(.)3

x

**purpledinosaurs **→rainbowspy****

I love your shower concerts! Please, never stop. Although, you could notify me next time you’re about to sing Pavarotti. Because the last time you did I definitely wasn’t dressed for opera!

**.**

**purpledinosaurs **→tiscurtis****

You know what, I think that you guys are all just super jealous of my sweat. So I sweat! So what? It makes me feel alive! Human! It lets me know I’m doing something right!

And whaddaya know. Maybe it’s where all the magic comes from :P.

**.**

**purpledinosaurs **→**** **Crissian90**

Jo, my sweet Jo. I promise you I will come back to SF one day and I will make sure you’re there for my concert, if I have one, ok?

I love your passions, by the way. We sure do share at least two! 

And keep shipping me with Ninja, it’s going to make them adorably flustered. Be careful, though, they can bite!

(Our portmanteau would be “ninjasaurs”. I think it’s our duty to get together just for *that* alone.)

.

**purpledinosaurs **→**** **dammitjoey**

See my answer to Curt. But ngl, I like the thought of my sweat being its own independent entity. This is some serious Men In Black shit.

.

**purpledinosaurs **→anonymous****

Check your texts, Charles.

x

Apparently, it was about to be a very slow day in The Shelves, so Ashley had texted Darren to come over to “entertain their sorry asses”, as she had put it. Darren didn’t mind. He didn’t mind at all. The opposite, actually.

He loved spending time in the store in his free time just being close to the books. He liked the thought of always being able to just pop into the children’s section and bring back a piece of his childhood by pulling out any of the titles, be it Harry Potter, The Hobbit,  The Incredible Hulk, or The Secret Seven (and man, the ten of them would make a badass group). There was just something so incredibly  _comforting_ about spending time in a place full of these books. It was like spending time in a room filled with your bestest friends. And Darren simply couldn’t get enough of it. (And Ashley’s coffee making skills were a plus too, he guessed.)

And then there was Chris.

Darren hadn’t  _really_  talked to Chris ever since his very sweaty performance in the Law and he had been literally _itching_ to see him again. There had been a couple of texts, but it was never anything Darren could classify as a real conversations:

.

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I’m pretty sure a fly just committed suicide in my cup of coffee._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_At first I thought it just wanted to take a dip, but then it sank._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I waited for five seconds with every intention to put on my swim trunks and go in if she hadn’t surfaced._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Turned out I waited too long._

 

**To: _Chris Colfer_**

That’s so sad and morbidly beautiful at the same time.

.

It was nice to know they shared the same sense of humour, though.

Darren didn’t know what it was about Chris that kept tugging him in his direction, but he found himself _yearning_  for Chris’s presence almost as much as he yearned for his online conversations with Ninja.

Ninja was wonderful and the fact that Darren’s heart made cartwheels every time an LJ notification with his name appeared on his phone spoke volumes, but there were some things that would never be possible between the two of them because of the lack of direct contact. Not that the situation with Chris was any better, though. There’d never been any sort of direct contact whatsoever between the two of them either, if Darren excluded the random fleeting brushes of shoulders when they walked too close to each other or accidental touches when they reached for the same book at the same time. There was a lot of blushing, mumbling and general awkwardness involved, and it made Darren feel like a thirteen year old all over again: flushed and very confused.

Sometimes he felt like he was about to burst, keeping all these thoughts and feelings to himself, but he didn’t feel close enough to Curt and Dom just yet to talk to them about that, and as for Joey, it was always better to talk to him in person, if you wanted him to pay attention to you and not to anything he was currently eating. In the end, Darren (unwisely) decided to text Chuck, which turned out to be about as useful as texting a squirrel after double lobotomy. His brother didn’t really  _say_ anything in his texts, but he sure didn’t forget to stress that ‘L.A. was making Darren even gayer, if that was still possible’.

Darren wished he could talk to Ninja about all of this, but it seemed as if his virtual friend had vanished from the cyber-sphere.

In the end, he decided to focus on music. Or rather on working on one specific song that would maybe manage to do the job his friends and family couldn’t and help him untangle the confused jumble of thoughts in his head.

And  _that_ would turn out to be one  _hell_  of a soulbaring process.

Darren became obsessed with this song. In his mind, he liked to call it his Very Own Paul McCartney Syndrome, even though his song didn’t come to him in a dream, like Yesterday did to Paul.

The initial idea for Darren’s song was a feeling. A mood. Handful of colours. And his journey to L.A.. It didn’t have a name yet. Hell, it lacked like 90% of the lyrics still, but he just  _knew_  it would be good. That it would be one of those songs on which he’d maybe one day look back as one of the most pivotal things in his life. One of those  _defining_  things. (And not just in terms of his career.)

He began carrying his guitar absolutely everywhere he went, in case he got an idea that needed to be played out so he could see whether it worked. Which was how he ended up huddled in a corner in The Shelves, strumming and humming to himself.

Sometimes he stopped to furiously scribble a piece of lyrics or a chord progression onto a piece of paper, only to get right back to it again, feeling his chest tighten as the whole thing slowly but surely started to come together. It was a Friday afternoon, so there were literally no costumers in the store, and Darren could  _feel_  Chris’s eyes on him from across the room.

Darren liked that Chris was watching him. That he watched him  _soulbare_  himself. As Darren had said on his blog, the process of songwriting was something incredibly intimate to him, and having Chris witness it felt like they were actually naked in the room together. Or that he was naked and Chris was fully clothed in the fantastically tight jeans he wore the last time they saw each other, just watching him… and ok,  _that_  was distracting. Nevertheless, Darren decided to try and shake off that feeling of ants marching all over his flushed skin, and kept on pretending he didn’t know he was being stared at.

Apparently, Ashley wasn’t going to be so coy about it. She snorted from the cash desk so hard Chris jumped in surprise and bumped his head against the Horror Fiction shelf.

“Colfer, quit undressing DCriss with your eyes and come help me tune the right station.”

Darren raised his eyebrows at the nickname, but didn’t say anything. He was much more interested in their radio shenanigans anyways.

Chris rolled his eyes and unpeeled himself from the shelf he had been leaning against for the past half an hour and crossed the room to climb at Ashley’s desk, not forgetting to jab her in the side on his way.

“Hey!” She exclaimed, rubbing at her sore skin. “That’s co-worker abuse!”

“Whatcha listening to?” Darren asked, carefully setting his guitar aside and joining them.

It wasn’t like he would be able to make any kind of progress on the song anyway, not with all the tension between him and Chris. He felt that tension every single time they were close to each other, and he knew Chris could feel it too. It was the strongest during those moments when they had been excitedly talking about something for quite a while and then stopped to catch a breath and their shining eyes met,  _burning_  into each other until they had to look away so they wouldn’t choke on air.

“Ashley here thinks I’m going to voluntarily feed her Glee obsession without fight,” Chris chuckled, but reached for the tuning button anyway. “The things I do for friendship,” he added, sarcasm dripping out of his voice, making Darren giggle a little.

He frowned, though.

“Wait, Glee is on this afternoon? What did I miss?”

He watched Ashley’s eyes widen in happiness as she realised she wasn’t the only Gleek in the room.

“There’s supposed to be a huge marathon of Glee songs on Fox Radio tomorrow night,” she said so excitedly she was almost vibrating in her seat. “They put on commercials for it sometimes. I’m trying to catch one to find out when exactly it’s on,” she explained. “I swear the internet isn’t the most informative when it comes to actual important details. Everything is about fanfiction and fanart,” she rolled her eyes.

Darren only blinked back at her.

“Don’t tell me you’re in the Glee fandom, too!” He breathed.

“Hell yeah!” She grinned so sunnily it made Darren grin right back. “My tumblr is 95% Glee and 5% kittens.”

Darren snorted.

“Well, I try to stay away tumblr for personal reasons,” he said, “but I’ll have you know I’m an active member of the Kurtsies community on LiveJournal.”

Then he got an idea.

“Hey, how about we listen to the marathon together tomorrow? My place? My roommates are Glee fans as well, so I’m sure they’ll wanna join us.”

Ashley clapped her hands in delight.

“That sounds so awesome!” She squealed. “I might even let you guys read some of my Glee fanfiction. Last night I wrote this really hot fic about Kurt, in which he ma-”

That was when Chris decided to loudly clear his throat next to Darren, hopping down the desk and folding his arms over his chest. His expression was half amused and half mortified, which was throwing Darren off a little.

“Here’s what’s gonna go down,” he said. “You two stay here and talk about Glee all you want. I’m going to the back to make a fresh pot of coffee and play Minesweeper for a while. I feel like I’ve had too much social interaction today, anyway,” he winked, reaching over Darren to collect the mugs from the table.

Darren involuntarily closed his eyes, letting the subtle smell of Chris’s cologne wash over his senses. It smelled like water and fresh wood and it reminded Darren of rainy days in May, which were so incredibly rare in California.

When he finally opened his eyes again, Chris was gone and Ashley was looking at him, one eyebrow playfully quirked upwards.

“Well, I guess he won’t be joining us for the Glee marathon,” Darren mumbled. He was blushing to the roots of his hair.

“So, what’s your deal then?” Ashley asked, and just like that their whole Glee conversation was dismissed.

She leaned back in her chair and joined the tips of her fingers in her lap like some kind of Disney villain (she was definitely fabulous enough to be the Ursula to Darren’s Ariel).

“Because Chris tells me you’re straight, but I’ve never seen you look at a girl once, while I’ve noticed you staring at my boy’s butt so many times I was  _sure_  there had to be something written on it in fine print that it had you so  _invested_.”

Darren fidgeted in his chair, shrugging a little. Why not talk to Ashley? It was the perfect solution. She might not be very close to Darren, but she was certainly close to Chris. Maybe she’d have an advice for him about the Big Mess in his head.

“I’ve only had girlfriends before,” he shrugged again, crossing his legs to get some kind of control over his involuntary movements.

“But…?” Ashley raised both of her eyebrows, leaning forward now, as if she was expecting Darren to tell her something earth-shattering.

He had to giggle a little. There was nothing earth-shattering about the way he saw his sexuality. In fact, he found it much simpler than other people’s views.

“But nothing,” he laughed. “I’ve only had girlfriends before, because they were the people I happened to date. Because I liked them. As people. As personalities. I mean, I like boobs and everything, if they happen to be on a girl, duh, who doesn’t like boobs… It’s not about that, though, you know.” He took a deep breath. “I can like a person that happens to be a boy. And that means I like the whole… package, pun intended, I guess. And that’s it.” He winked and smiled as Ashley snorted into her hand.

She cocked her head to a side and looked at him as if she was still trying to figure him out. In the end, her smile widened.

“I like you, DCriss,” she said. “You’re hot, super nice, you sing like a dream, and you don’t give a shit about labels or categories. I am completely ok with you making a move on Chris, just so you know.”    

Darren felt his face get even hotter. He took another deep breath, forcing the words out.

“Do you think I should give it a shot?” He finally asked.

Ashley considered him for a moment before nodding.

“You should totally give it a shot, man. Consider yourself warned, though. Chris is a really private person and it takes a long time to get him to open up to you. He keeps a lot of his life to himself and I know for a fact that there are things he hasn’t told me, even,” she shrugged.

“He’s a bit like a turtle. A fabulous turtle who can rock some really tight stripy pants, as you can see,” she grinned. “But a turtle nevertheless. Sometimes when he decides to hide in his shell you’ve got no chance of getting him out unless you’re like super _super_  good at it.”

Darren shot Ashley a brilliant smile.

“That’s actually what I like so much about him.”

x

  **NEW MESSAGE**

 **To:** Purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** 9thDoctor.jpg

 **Subject:** why is your userpic a banana

Darren!

First of all, hold the tears and put the pout away or your mouth will stay that way! I’m here, alive and kicking!

Gosh, I’m so sorry. I’ve been *extremely* busy the last couple of weeks. I can’t really tell you why, but Aprils and Mays are especially hectic every year for me. Well, the last two years anyway. But that’s not really important, is it. What’s important is that I’m writing you now! Aren’t you pleased?

I’m honoured you’d share your internets with me. Is it like the nerdy version of sharing your lunch with me at recess? You’re gonna make me swoon. (And yes, we’re very cool, Darren, don’t be worried. I already explained to you that me not opening up to you has nothing to do with you personally.)

You can put your virtual hands back where they were before.

As for your LJ post, I just read it and was about to comment in the comment section when you messaged me, so I’ll tell you directly. It’s a bit personal anyway, so maybe it’s better this way, IDK…

I feel lucky every day that I have so many things to be passionate about. It’s not just writing, even though that would probably have to come first… but I’m lucky to have the most incredible job that combines almost all of my passions. I can soulbare every week. Hell, I can soulbare every day. And it feels damn good.

On the other hand, it takes so much courage to do what YOU do. What you do is not what I do. I might be soulbaring, but I’m not being really honest. So I don’t know whether it counts at all.

So, that’s my contribution to soulbaring. I hope your song is coming along nicely and I’m looking forward to hearing it.

xo

Ninja

PS. What is that thing next to your name? I feel like it’s watching me.

PS 2. No but honestly, why is your userpic a banana?

PS 3. It’s Crest, you dork.

x

Darren was just about to leave The Shelves to get ready for his shift in the Law when he almost ran into Ryan Murphy in grey beanie between the doors.

“Ryan!” He exclaimed, happy to see the strange man in person after such a long time. For some reason Ryan was weirdly fond of email communication, so he never called or organized meetings with Darren. Darren didn’t mind. Emails were a nice and retro way of communicating with people. Hell, his conversations with Ninja were practically that, anyway. And he adored those.

“Darren?” Ryan raised his eyebrows, looking genuinely surprised to see him there. Darren couldn’t blame him. It must have felt kind of weird for Ryan, having Darren in  _all_  of his  L.A. shops all of the sudden.

But then Ryan Murphy was obviously a man of quick recovery.

“I’m here to see Chris,” he said. “But since you’re here, I wanted to tell you that I spoke with Naya and she said you were really good at both bartending and performing.”

Darren flashed him a pleased smile.

“Well, I’m glad she’s satisfied with me, sir. I love the job. If I ever decide to quit acting, bartending will be my first choice!”  He grinned.

Ryan’s eyebrows went even higher. In fact, they went so high they almost disappeared under his beanie. He reminded Darren of a lizard in a sun with his slow movements, strange gestures and weird expressions. Darren kind of loved it.

“I’m glad to hear that, Darren. I’ll have to come see you when you’re performing,” Ryan added. “But you’ll have to excuse me now, I have somebody here I want Chris to meet.”

That was when Darren noticed the freakishly attractive young man standing behind Ryan. He looked so incredibly handsome it took Darren’s breath away; blond hair, plump lips, muscly arms, and abs visibly forming under his thin cotton tank top.

 _Well then_ , Darren though, making sure to close his mouth, knowing he’d been staring.

There was still hope that Chris’s type was dark, short, and hairy.  _Right?_  Because otherwise he was _royally_  screwed.

It turned out that Chord (which was the guy’s name) was Ryan’s new employee. Darren didn’t find out which small shop he was supposed to work in (if it even  _was_  supposed to be a shop), but he did notice that Ryan was awfully keen on Chord and Chris to get to know each other better, since he flat out told them to go out ‘somewhere nice’ tonight. And apparently, Ryan wouldn’t be able to join the pair since he had a baby Logan back home that needed his attention.

Darren kept looking at Chris throughout this whole exchange and he was frustrated from how little he was showing on his face. He just kept nodding at everything Ryan said, even smiling at Chord a few times.

Darren didn’t really know what to think. Was Chris really the type who let people set him up with men in the most obnoxious way possible? He couldn’t have been  _that_ desperate for a date, could he? And dammit, Darren should have asked him out  _ages_ ago. 

He was suddenly struck with a brilliant idea that would allow him to keep an eye on Chris and this new Adonis Ryan was so obviously pushing onto him. 

“Hey, why don’t you take him to The Law tonight?” He offered innocently, scratching at the back of his neck. “It’s Dancing Night tonight,” he added. Chord’s eyes lit up at his words and he looked at Chris pleadingly.

“I could totally enjoy Dancing Night,” he said excitedly.

“Then it’s settled!” Ryan exclaimed next to him, checking his watch and pulling the lapels of his coat up (and wait, wasn’t it over 80 degrees outside?).

Chris rolled his eyes.

“This is going to end up a disaster,” he mumbled under his breath, but raised his hands in surrender anyway.

“I heard that!” Darren laughed. Chord smiled shyly next to him.

It was most definitely NOT going to end up a disaster. Not on his watch.           

Hopefully.

x

**COMPOSE MESSAGE**

**To:** kindofaninja

 **Userpic:** banana.jpg

 **Subject:** that’s a dinosaur you uncultured swine

Ninja! You’re alive! Bless!

Busy every April and May you say? Ha! *puts Sherlock Holmes hat on* April and May means Spring and that means your job has something to do with… flowers? NINJA, ARE YOU A FLORIST???

Are you sure you want me to put my hands back where they were before? What if they were placed inappropriately? Also, I’m glad I made you swoon, it doesn’t happen a lot lately. There is this one person I have my eyes on, but it’s proving kind of difficult… Any stage advice?

Do you have some kind of aversion towards bananas? What have they ever done to you??? Anyway, that’s not *just* a banana, I’ll have you know. It’s really small so it’s kinda hard to see, but it’s actually me hugging a giant stuffed banana. IDK if I ever told you, but I really enjoy collecting novelty-sized bananas. I know it might seem like a weird kind of hobby to have, but I promise you it’s a mutually beneficial relationship. If that picture were bigger you’d be able to see me napping on that banana.

Man, I love naps.

Sadly, I had to leave them all back in San Francisco, because they were too big to fit into my car.

Thank you for your beautiful comment, by the way. I always forget that LiveJournal is a place full of artists. I went through all of my comments today (yes, all 860 of them. this is why don’t get sleep, ninja. I swear. never become famous on the internet because you will die of sleep deficit.) and they were all so beautiful and full of passion it made me cry a little. I’m blessed to be surrounded by so many talented people and you’re first on my list.

And of course your soulbaring counts, Ninja. It will always count for me, I can promise you that. You know, it’s funny, I don’t know your name, I don’t know what you look like, I’ve never even heard your voice, which is usually something quite important and special to me… yet I feel like you’re my best friend. I just wanted you to know this.

It doesn’t happen every day, you know, finding a person, be it online or offline, that you just *click* with. I’m loving it very much.

Love,

Darren

PS. I could try a little ninja for you next time if you like

PS 2. I use Crest too! Soulmates! You can’t deny our love now, Ninja, hohohohoho.

x

Apparently, Dancing Night was a hit, because people took The Law by storm.  Chris and Chord came in when it was already in full swing and both Darren and Naya had their hands full with orders, flying from one end of the bar to another and back like a very confused pair of bees.

“Hey, DCriss.”

Darren only actually spotted Chris when he sat down on a barstool right in front of him and ordered rum and coke for himself and a pint for his date, smiling softly across the bar. He was wearing a deep blue Henley under a form fitting black vest and a pair of stripy pants that were so sinfully tight it made Darren lose his mind a little. Mostly because he knew that Chris dressed like this for Chord. Since this was their date. Right.

Ugh.

“I really don’t think that nickname’s gonna stick.” Darren returned Chris’s smile. He reached for the closest glass and began polishing it just to do something with his hands.

Chris’s smile widened. He was about to say something, but Frank Sinatra’s I’ve Got You Under My Skin just started playing and Chord suddenly appeared out of nowhere and dragged him to the dance floor, where he put his hands all over him as they swayed and laughed. (And ok, Darren might have been exaggerating a little. The guy was actually holding Chris in a regular and completely acceptable way.) But he was still holding him. They were on a date. Enjoying themselves.

And it drove Darren crazy.

Darren wasn’t originally going to drink. Not when he was working, anyway. It just sort of… happened.

He decided to have one scotch, just to loosen up a little, but then Naya poured him another one and then one more, patting him on the back as she handed him the glass.

“You look like you need this, D.”

He didn’t really understand her motives there. She couldn’t have been secretly plotting to get him fired, since she was the one who had hired him. Darren decided not to question it in the end, because you never say no to free whisky.

Thankfully it was getting quite late, so The Law wasn’t too busy anymore for Naya to take care of it on her own. Which was good, because Darren was getting gradually more and more wasted, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to focus enough to give people the drinks they wanted.

It also turned out there was nothing to be afraid of when it came to Chord Overstreet. He was one of the sweetest and most hilarious guys Darren had ever met and funnily enough, they really hit it off. It also turned out that Chord Overstreet was completely straight. If the way he was  _all over_  some girl on the dancing floor when Chris left for the restroom was anything to go by.

Darren even found himself engaged in a deep conversation about music with the guy at one point. He told him about the song he was currently writing and Chord gave him some really cool guitar tips.

And then there was more scotch.

x

The world swishing by, under, and all around them, and Darren kind of wanted to puke. He also wanted to sing and dance, though, which was an odd combination. He wouldn’t be able to dance anyway, since he was in a car. Which, as he just realised, wasn’t  _his_  car. In fact, it was a car he didn’t recognize at all. And crap, was he being kidnapped? But then, who the fuck would even think that kidnapping a semi-famous internet blogger could make any kind of profit?

God, his tongue felt like a carpet. He wanted water. And cheese.

“You’re a horrible drunk, D. Remember. You puke in my car and I’m leaving you on the side of the road.”

“Naya,” Darren groaned, leaning his head against the cool glass of the car window. “Where are we going?”

“Well, you and Mr. Rum and Coke here had too much to drink tonight, so it was my duty to take both of your car keys away. I’m taking you home now.”

Darren almost jumped in his seat when he finally noticed Chris had been sitting next to him the whole time. Well, not really sitting. And not really next to him, either. More like  _curled up_ in Darren’s lap. He wasn’t sleeping though. Darren could see the blue flickering under his eyelashes. Darren didn’t know why his brain didn’t stop his hand, but suddenly it was buried in Chris’s hair, gently scratching against his scalp. He had to smile when Chris sort of purred under his fingers when he brushed a spot just behind his ear.

“There are water bottles somewhere at your feet, by the way.” Naya added. “Make sure you both drink lots, ok?”

Darren nodded dully, reaching down to his feet to find two bottles of Evian. He unscrewed the top and took several deep gulps, sighing in relief when his head stopped spinning so much. He then shook the bottle in front of Chris’s face. Chris just opened his mouth and let himself be fed from it.

It was a weirdly intimate moment between them. There were actual shivers running down Darren’s spine as he watched Chris’s plump lips getting wet from the water that managed to get spilled due to the awkward angle.

“Wait,” Darren remembered all of the sudden, trying to avert his eyes from Chris practically sucking on the bottle now. “What happened to Chord?”

Naya snorted from the front seat as she finally took an exit from the busy highway and drove them to some kind of smaller and quieter road.

“He had left with some chick long before we did, dude.”

Darren blinked in surprise. He could only hope Chris wouldn’t get into any kind of trouble with Ryan for this.

Then they were suddenly pulling up, and before Darren managed to collect his thoughts Chris was scrambling to leave the car and pulling him along.

“Hey,” he protested weakly, trying to find some kind of balance on his wobbly feet. “This is not my street,” he added, alarmed.

“It’s mine, you doofus. This is my house,” Chris rolled his eyes and patted the roof of Naya’s car, signalling her that it was ok to leave. She waved at them from inside and drove away, leaving Darren standing in a middle of the road, perplexed.

“Why are we in front of your house..?” He squinted, trying to see the outlines of the white building in the dim light of the street.

“Because Naya said she’d only make one stop and my place was closer?” Chris shrugged, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “Also, my friends don’t really like leaving me alone in my house when I’m drunk. I have some really weird sleeping patterns,” he added, waving his hand dismissively. “It can be a bit dangerous.”

Darren blinked, trying to process the information.

“Oh,” he said finally, shaking his head. “That’s totally ok, man,” he said. “I didn’t know about that. I can stay if you want me to,” he smiled.

Chris returned the smile hesitantly.

“I can call you a cab if you want, but-”

“No,” Darren said so fast he had to chuckle at his own eagerness. “I mean, no, it’s fine. Don’t be silly. I’d love to see your home.”

“Ok.”  Chris’s smile widened as they walked to his front door, both still a little bit unsure on their feet.

Chris unlocked the door and hit the lights, leading Darren into his small hallway. The inside of his house could only be described as tidy and  _brown_. Darren liked Chris’s living room the best. There were pictures of Chris and his friends scattered all over the white walls, very comfortable looking beige couch, epically huge TV set and two bookcases  _filled_  with books Darren just itched to explore. He turned around to see if there was anything else behind his back before he realised his balance was still off, and he accidentally bumped his head against the doorframe, yelping in pain.

“Fuck,” he cursed, grabbing at Chris’s shoulder to still himself.      

“Naya is right, you’re a horrible drunk!” Chris rolled his eyes good naturedly, taking off his jacket and throwing it on the couch. “You made out with that girl, what’s her face…” he waved his hand.

Darren frowned in confusion, rubbing at his sore forehead.

“Wha- I mean, no, I didn’t,” he protested, offended. Or at least he didn’t remember making out with any girls. Hell, he didn’t remember  _looking_ at any girls in over a _month_.

“Yes, you did!” Chris frowned back, shrugging. “I mean, not that it’s any of my business,” he quickly added, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Darren could see he was nervous and still not sober enough to control his mouth.

And  Darren wasn’t wither, apparently.

“No I didn’t! That was Chord! He had his tongue in that girl’s throat for the majority of the night!” He shook his head defensively.

“No it…  _oh,_ ” it finally clicked in Chris’s head.

“Yeah!” Darren nodded, resisting the urge to smile. Because this whole conversation was making him feel incredibly hopeful. So hopeful he couldn’t stop the blush colouring his cheeks. “I didn’t know you’d mind so much,” he said, his voice quiet and just a little teasing.

“Of  _course_  I’d  _mind_!” Chris rolled his eyes again. His voice was getting all high and breathy. Darren couldn’t take his eyes off of his blushing face.

“Why?” He asked quietly.

“Do you _really_  need me to spell it out?” Chris screwed his eyes shut for a second.

“ _Yes_. Chris, I… fuck, I want nothing more, ok? You’re giving me so many mixed signals I feel like a Russian submarine in the Atlantic.”

“I—I think, no, I  _know_  that really like you. Ok? But-”

Darren’s heart thumped in his chest so hard he felt like it was going to burst, his stomach twisting.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he raised his hand, shaking his head frantically. “No buts. There’re no buts, Christopher. Either you really like me or you don’t.”

Chris hung his head.

“I guess I’m just really bad at voicing what I want,” he chuckled in surrender, leaning against the wall. “Also, I thought you were straight,” he admitted pointedly, eyebrows quirked up.

“Well,” Darren chuckled back, also leaning against the wall and playing with the hem of his shirt. He peeked at Chris from underneath his eyelashes, soft smile still playing on his lips. “It’s never that simple, is it.”

Later Darren couldn’t remember how exactly he ended up literally clamped against Chris, pressing him into the wall, but here they were, their faces mere fractions of inches away from one another. Darren forced his eyes off of Chris’s lips for a moment, licking his own in the process, and looked into Chris’s eyes instead, marvelling at how blown his pupils were.

Chris whimpered against him, his body shifting just a little bit and Darren could feel that he was hard against his hip, which made him groan in response.

“Definitely not straight,” he whispered, finally diving in and claiming Chris’s lips in a heated kiss.

x

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I think the dead fly from earlier came back to haunt me._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Because it kept buzzing in my room all night long and it kept waking me up. So around 5 am I finally gave up and went to the kitchen._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_So here I am now. Texting you._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_This is not awkward at all._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I can’t believe you’re such a heavy sleeper._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I have this theory about it being related to your eyelashes (cos they’re so long), but it’s too complicated to put in a text._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_This is not me panicking, just so you know. So you shouldn’t either. In case you were going to run away through the bathroom window or something to avoid confrontation._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Come to the kitchen when you wake up? I have muffins._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Watch out for the cat, though. He’s a bit jealous._

x

**NEW MESSAGE**

**To:** Purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** 9thDoctor.jpg

 **Subject:** you kind of suck at net art ngl

Dear Darren,

Am I seeing things? Or are you really asking *me* for stage advice on dating… love life… stuff? Have you forgotten already that I’m that person who steals my dates’ phones and takes pictures of their food when they go to the restroom??? Do you realise how much of a bad source that makes me (not even mentioning I commit crimes)?

I just… gosh, I’m really *not* the expert, believe me. But like… go with what feels right? Believe in your charm? I’ve seen you on a video, you’re got a lot of that. And be earnest, I guess. I’ve always had lots of trust issues in my relationships.

I’m pretty sure you’ll be just fine.

AND OF COURSE you collect giant bananas. I’m not even surprised at this point. I’d ask more about it, because that’s a genuinely interesting hobby, especially from psychological point of view, but you were right, I have an aversion towards bananas.

(It’s the innuendo, ok. It makes me uncomfortable. Let’s change the topic, shall we.)

Being surrounded by artsy and talented people on LiveJournal is one of the reasons why I like being anonymous so much. I get to be a part of it you know. I love being a part of it. And I share your feelings about the two of us as well, you know.

About how well we click.

I sometimes find myself wondering…

…you know.

Fare thee well, my sweet banana lover (I mean what.).

xx Ninja

PS. NOT a florist, by the way. I had a plastic pelargonium once and it got mouldy. Guess again!

—

_*a/n: the Chinese text says “I like your butt”_


	6. Chapter 6

Ninja ( **kindofaninja** ) wrote,

**Location:** Los Angeles, CA  
 **Mood:**  content  
 **Music:** **[I Drove All Night](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2y1TZXc5DiY) **

 

**SYNCING**

Do you sometimes wake up with a melody playing in your head? And I’m not talking about last summer’s Call Me Maybe that infiltrated even my grandmother’s mind. (I’m also _definitely_ not talking about the sound of your alarm clock. In fact I’d rather not mention alarm clocks, period. Alarm clocks are the Satan.) I really do mean just *tunes*. Some days I wake up and look out of the window and everything seems like a scene from a musical.

I mean. Don’t you sometimes feel like throwing your arms in the air and letting little birds dress you and braid your hair (if it’s long enough to braid, mine isn’t for example, so braiding is optional in this fantasy, js), don’t you sometimes feel like twirling your way into the kitchen and shaking your butt to the melodies playing in your head whilst making pancakes (that come out crappy, because you’re a shit chef, but that’s ok because they’re pretend pancakes anyway)?

It’s funny, because people _are_ melodies. Imagine TWO people waking up next to each other, each with a melody of their own. Suddenly, there are two melodies and you have to figure out if it’s possible to synchronize them. You dance around each other with your melodies inside of you and sometimes you find that they don’t go well together. You struggle and you try your best, but there’s no way to make them fit, because they each belong in a different musical. Some people’s melodies are way too fast, some are way too slow. Some people’s melodies are too sad, some are too cheery and together they sound like a cat whose tail got stuck between the doors. The thing is, if those two melodies _do_ fit, it can be incredible. I mean, that’s how you get your musical, isn’t it.

You simply sync.

Why am I writing all this. Music and musicals in particular have always been something that I held incredibly close to my heart. And yes, I’m one of those people who wake up with melodies in their heads and then desperately try to get rid of them for the rest of the day. (Jsyk, the worst one to get rid of so far has been Cyndi Lauper’s I Drove All Night, oops now you have it too.) Anyway, I’d never call myself a romantic. I don’t believe in fate and I don’t believe in love at first sight. I do, however, believe that people are melodies and that some melodies sound better together than other do.

Sometimes it takes a while to realise it. Other times it’s super-fast, bit like a lightning.

And also. Do not ask me how it happened, details are still kind of a blur, but somehow, I feel I’m _thisclose_ to getting a musical of my own. So…

…keep your fingers crossed?

Ever yours,

Ninja

**Tags:** life lessons, music

~ 12 comments ~

x

**babygoatwhosings**

Is that timestamp lying or have you posted this at 5 in the morning?

HAVE YOU EVEN GONE TO SLEEP? YOU ARE TELLING ME EVERYTHING TONIGHT. I’M BRINGING THE CRISPS.

**.**

**pleadingguilty**

Well look at that, our little Ninja has found another ninja to practice his knife skills with? I didn’t mean to make that sound like a penis innuendo. I mean what.

Anyway, you sound quite struck, so I’m gonna cross all of my fingers and wish you happiness!

**.**

**crissian90**

I see Pleadingguilty is in a creepy mood today. I missed the old you, Pleading! Creep on! Although, let me just remind you that you can’t possibly know if there were any penises involved in Ninja’s …musical. (Unless you have some kind of super-secret info about Ninja’s identity you want to share with me. In that case feel free to proceed in my PM inbox. Asap.)

Ninja, I really do want to squish you right now, do you know that? Even if you gave me the damn I Drove All Night earworm. (I’m not all that mad, I actually love Cyndi Lauper, she’s my spirit animal.) I wholeheartedly agree with your musical analogy. Also syncing. I find syncing is a really important and complicated process, you know. You have to do it right or both of your devices go to shits.

(I drove all niiightttttttt, crept in your room, woke you up from your sleep, to make love to youuuuu, is that all righhhhttttttttttt)

**.**

**rainbowspy**

Oh, Ninja, that post made me feel like sunshine and rainbows. I also loved the musical analogy. I’ve always felt like music and love belonged together. Maybe because every time I fall in love I feel like singing 24/7. Which, granted, is not that much of a change from my usual state of mind.

I can’t wait to see Darren’s face after he reads this post, though. He’s gonna be quite jealous, let me warn you in advance. Although… maybe not, since he currently seems to be working on a musical of his own. Who would have guessed? June, the time of love!

**.**

**crissian90**   **→**   **rainbowspy**

I’m putting my fingers in my ears and shouting LALALALALALA because my LJ ship (I call it purple ninja) is never ever sinking. The opposite actually, it’s totally syncing (ha!), even if just virtually.

I was going to write a long and elaborate comment containing all the caps of their conversations and other reasons why to ship them, but Glee is on tonight and I need to put some clothes on and go out to get food before I starve. I’m gonna need lots of energy if I want them to finally pick me for the call-in tonight!

**.**

**rainbowspy**   **→**   **crissian90**

Oh? Curt, Darren, and I will be listening to Glee as well tonight! Let’s hope they pick ME! I really want to talk to either Kurt or maybe Brittany, they’re my favourite.

Who’s saying the ship is sinking? I’m all for purple ninjas! Purple ninjas are _adorable_.

.

**purpledinosaurs**  

Ninja, we’re gonna need some new online friends.

x

Darren was still sleeping when Chris slipped out to get muffins (naturally, since it was 5 AM), head buried so deep in the pillows only his wild curls were peeking out. Along with a calf. A very naked calf.  _A very nicely shaped_  naked calf. Yep. That’s right, Chris had Darren Criss in his bed, but sadly, they had never got further than kissing the living daylights out of each other in the living room before moving into the bedroom and promptly falling asleep on the bed fully clothed, completely spent from all the dancing and drinking and the drama. Darren apparently wasn’t used to sleeping in his clothes, because he somehow managed to get rid of his pants at some point.

The very nicely shaped naked calf was still the only thing Chris had seen, though. And he was currently drooling over it in his mind. It was like his personal slightly twisted version of Victorian England. 

Getting out of the bed was fairly easy, yet adventurous. Chris sneaked out only couple of minutes after waking up, unsure about how long it was socially acceptable to stare at a sleeping person without feeling like Edward Cullen. Darren was an extremely hard sleeper and he didn’t move an inch, not even when Chris not so gracefully stumbled over his own feet on his way out of the bedroom and almost split his head open on the doorframe. (It was Darren’s fault, really, for looking so damn handsome.) Chris reckoned the man needed a really good night’s sleep, since during the day he was literally a living dynamo, constantly on the move, always doing something with his hands, his eyes always shining, brain working, constantly coming up with lyrics, ideas, and new melodies. Chris loved that about Darren.

He was, however quite nervous about today. Last night was wonderful. The kissing marathon that went down in his living-room definitely took him by surprise, but he wasn’t one to dwell on things. Ok, that’s a lie. Chris definitely _was_ one to dwell on things. Not in this case, though. Not when Darren’s tongue was in his mouth and he felt like he was going to faint when it met his own. Not when Darren’s hands slipped into his back pockets and squeezed his ass. Not when Darren practically growled into Chris’s mouth when he managed to get a hold of the hair on the back of his neck and tug a little. Chris wasn’t going to dwell on _those things,_ oh no-no. The thing was, where was this all going? And was there even anything to _be_ going at all?

Well, right now, Chris was going to get blueberry muffins. Hopefully, everything else would somehow resolve itself.

He pushed the door of his favourite bakery open, shrugging at the quirked eyebrow he received from Heather, the pastry chef, who was used to seeing him later in the afternoon.

“Well, you look like you had a busy night! Good for you,” she winked, adding an extra free muffin to his batch.

It was way too early for a witty comeback, so Chris just shrugged again, yawning loudly.

“Thanks, sweetie, what can I say, your muffins bring all the boys to the yard.”

She giggled loudly, carefully leaning over the counter as far as her heavily pregnant belly allowed her. “Well now you have to tell me everything, since I indirectly contributed to your sleepless night of sin!”

Chris rolled his eyes, but smiled, albeit nervously.

“I’m not actually even sure there’s anything sinful to talk about just yet, Heath,” he admitted. “And if there is, I don’t want to jinx it. Get back to me on that one in a week?”

Heather pretended to think about it before nodding enthusiastically.

“Over coffee, though, all right? And it’s gonna be a long discussion. With lots of juicy details. Because I’ll want to know _everything_ , ok?” She straightened up and smoothed her apron, rubbing her belly in the process. “I’ve been living through other people’s roaring sex lives, since this little monkey attached to my stomach barely allows me to take a walk in the park without having to pee every five minutes, let alone have sex with my man without having to be on top all the time. I mean, It’s not like I don’t enjoy being on top, obviously, but it gets a bit boring when you do it the same way every single time, just like if you-”

Chris let out a squeak, raising his hand to stop the feisty baker from talking.

“Ok, first of all, there’s nothing roaring about my sex life… yet,” he waved his hand, “secondly, you’re pregnant, so no coffee for you, and thirdly, TMI! Don’t talk like that in front of my blueberry muffins!” He exclaimed, mock scandalised.  

There was still no sign of Darren when Chris got back home, the house silent and dim, so he decided to settle in the kitchen, shoot him a couple of awkward texts, and check the comments on the LiveJournal entry he’d managed to type up earlier. And yes, he updated his blog at 5 AM. It was a thing, ok? That feeling of being on the verge of bursting all bloggers get when something significant happens in their life. You need to share. You _havve_ to share. So Chris had. Simple as that.

He almost choked on his spit when a new PM popped up in his notifications and it had Darren’s username in the header.

So he wasn’t asleep then?

x

**NEW MESSAGE**

**From:** Purpledinosaurs

**Userpic:** raphael.jpg

**Subject:** um…ninja?

So… I was going to reply to your last message, but then I noticed you had a new LJ entry, so I went to read it first (I mean, DUH, Ninja’s posts are my kryptonite)… and, I don’t really know how to ask you this, but… have you by any chance put your location on there by accident?

Because you never do and I know how protective you are of your privacy, so I thought I’d let you know, before everybody else notices?

Oh and PLEASE, don’t shoot the messenger, ok? As far as I can see nobody else picked up on it yet.

Love,

Darren

x

Chris breathed through his nose and gripped the edge of the kitchen counter to stop himself from faceplanting onto the cold hard tiles. This was bad. This was very bad. And yeah, of course he knew that the beautiful bubble of mysterious anonymousness he had managed to create around himself on the internet would burst one day, but did it really have to happen so soon? And did it really have to happen because he was too distracted by the mental image of half-naked Darren in his bed to fucking type anything BUT Los Angeles into the location box?

Chris closed his eyes. He could do this. He just needed to calm down and _think_. And he needed a blueberry muffin.

x

**COMPOSE MESSAGE**

**To:** Purpledinosaurs

**Userpic:** mcgonnagal.jpg

**Subject:** *whines*

Darren.

Believe me, my friend, my heart just almost jumped out of my chest. I just changed my location to “my personal inferno”, so hopefully nobody except you have seen it. Ugh.

I don’t know what to say. I’ve just been so distracted lately and I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THAT. Goddammit. Remind me not to post anything on LiveJournal after I haven’t slept for half the night next time, ok?

Goodness gracious, I’m gonna be facepalming for the rest of the day, aren’t I. And what a good day it was turning out to be…

Also, let’s cut to the chase, because I know you’re itching to talk about it, and I know you didn’t bring it up just because you’re afraid I’ll get mad… but don’t, ok? It’s fine. Honestly. It might take me a while to wrap my head around the fact that you now know that we share a city… but on the other hand, it feels kind of liberating to get at least SOME of the secrets out.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in the internet version of The Mask of Zorro. And trust me, I’m no Antonio Banderas.

I don’t even look all that good in hats.

I hope you don’t hate me.

Awkward wave,

Ninja

PS. Also, your ICON, Jesus Christ!

x

Chris just about managed to shut his laptop and slide it across the table to make it look like he haven’t been touching it when Darren finally stumbled into the kitchen, hair sticking up in all directions. Chris’s insides turned into lead for a second from how nervous he was. This was the “morning after” after all, even if they hadn’t actually _done_ anything to deserve to call it that. They’d still kissed. They’d admitted some things to each other. This was huge.

All the nervousness melted away when their eyes finally met and Darren’s face literally lit up like a Christmas tree. He looked fucking ecstatic to see Chris.

Chris’s heart sped up.

“Morning, you.”

“Morning,” Darren croaked back, his voice still sounding scratchy from the sleep (and possibly hangover as well). He looked adorable, all wrinkled and uncoordinated. He also wasn’t wearing his clothes anymore, which was an extremely interesting piece of information. It was so extremely interesting Chris’s brain was unable to register anything else for a moment but the patch of dark chest hair and the muscular legs. This definitely wasn’t Victorian England anymore. This took him straight back to 2013.    

“Are you wearing my old robe?” Chris finally said and quirked an eyebrow as his eyes pointedly slid down Darren’s body. Darren chuckled, one hand flying up to ruffle his hair. Chris knew he did that when he was nervous, which made him feel a lot better, to be honest.

“I hate sleeping in my day clothes and then wearing them again the next day,” Darren shrugged, cocking his head to a side. “Wait. Does that make me a snob?”     

Chris chuckled.

“It makes you human, actually. No complaints here - that robe looks good on you.” He felt blood running into his cheeks as soon as the compliment left his lips.

Darren grinned at it, though, and leaned down for a chaste kiss, which caught Chris completely off guard. It wasn’t like he didn’t think they’d never kiss again after last night. He certainly hoped they would. Possibly repeatedly. Hopefully in a horizontal position. He wasn’t counting on Darren prancing into his kitchen in the shortest robe known to human kind and landing one on his mouth as if it was an everyday occurrence, though.

He quickly managed to compose himself anyway, and gripped Darren’s shoulders to bring him down, fingers burying in the terrycloth. Darren had to literally sit down on Chris’s legs so he wouldn’t fall over, both his hands coming up to frame Chris’s face. Chris didn’t mind the weight at all. The opposite, actually. He suppressed a moan when he realised just how few layers there were between their dicks.

He opened his mouth to let Darren’s exploring tongue into his mouth and he was glad he was sitting, because the amount of blood that left his brain and rushed south at that moment would probably make him faint right on the spot. He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the slide of their lips and the way their tongues slowly rubbed against one another, slowly becoming aware that he was getting more and more worked up by the second.

Thankfully, he wasn’t alone in that either.       

Darren groaned in the back of his throat and his hands found their way back in Chris’s back pockets (he really seemed to like Chris’s ass, duly noted) and he thrust down at the same time, trying to get some friction going. Chris almost lost his mind when he felt how hard Darren was. He could feel the heat through his pants and his own dick hurt like hell trapped in the damn skinny jeans he had put on that morning (only god knows why). He thrust up to meet Darren’s hips and they both groaned at the same time at the contact, chests heaving from how hard they were breathing.

Which was also when Chris opened his eyes and noticed Brian staring at them from the top of the fridge, his round eyes huge and judgemental.

“Darren,” Chris managed to pant out, arching his neck to breathe air that wasn’t a mouthful of Darren’s curls. Darren’s lips immediately attached themselves to the exposed flesh and Chris had to grab the edge of the table to stop himself from coming right then and there, because his neck was extremely sensitive.

“Darren, stop,” he repeated, blinking in surprise when Darren actually did instantly stop what he was doing.

“What is it?”

“My cat’s watching,” Chris gritted through his teeth, already missing the feeling of Darren’s tongue on the skin of his neck. He swallowed when his mouth watered at the thought, and closed his eyes for a moment to mentally collect himself.

Their eyes locked.

“Hi.” Darren’s cheeks were red, his plump lips kissed dark.

“Hi,” Chris rasped in reply. “We should stop, you know,” he repeated, letting out a breathy giggle. “I’m about to come in my skinny jeans and it’s already really _really_ uncomfortable and it will be ten times worse when it’s all sticky and wet down there.” 

Darren snorted in response.

“Yeah, I guess we don’t want to ruin your robe either.” He carefully slid off Chris’s lap, wincing a little in the process (which made Chris feel extremely guilty, but he wasn’t about to have the most amazing orgasm of his life while his cat was watching, thank you very much), and pressed a quick peck on Chris’s lips before straightening up and stretching his arms over his head.

“Your text said there’d be muffins.”

Chris laughed.

“They’re on the counter. I don’t make empty promises. Just empty calories,” he winked. “These are delicious, though. They’re from my favourite bakery that’s just round the corner.”

Darren nodded and reached for the box, smiling when Brian jumped off the fridge and landed on his feet right next to it.

“Is he going to let me take one?” Darren raised his eyebrows.

Chris rolled his eyes at the fat animal.

“Brian can’t seem to understand that his daddy’s food is not good for him. I mean, I don’t blame him, have you seen cat’s food? Not even dogs would eat that.”

Darren laughed and slowly reached out to Brian. He let him sniff his fingers first and then moved his hand to lightly pet at his back. Brian, to his credit, didn’t move an inch, and continued hypnotising the box of muffins, his tail flicking in the air.

“I really liked your house by the way,” Darren turned to smile at him. “I can’t remember if I complimented it last night, but it’s really…”

“Brown, yeah,” Chris snorted, folding his arms on his chest. “I don’t know, I quite like brown on my walls, it’s supposed to evoke feelings of strength and reliability. Which I of course googled _after_ I had it painted brown, to have actual answer to give to people who wouldn’t stop asking me about it, as if it was important,” he admitted, rolling his eyes.

“Why _did_ you have it painted brown, then?” Darren asked with his mouth full of muffin (it looked adorable).

Chris shrugged.

“I have the decorating skills of a donkey and brown just seemed, you know, homey.”

“It is homey.”

Chris grinned.

“You know, we really should have some sort of talk about what all this,” he waved his hand between the two of them, “is.”

Darren blinked back at him, his lips all purple from the blueberries.

“I don’t think I can do that without coffee,” he admitted. “But I’m gonna try anyway. I just-” he took a deep breath, hand flying up to scratch at the back of his neck. “I think we’re really good together. I know we haven’t known each other for a long time… and there’s also that thing about me never really being with a boy before,” he looked up, his incredibly long eyelashes distracting Chris for a second. “But basically, I think we belong in the same musical, man.”

Chris felt like his ears needed to pop. Once again he was glad he was sitting down, because he was sure his stomach just made a cartwheel. Did Darren just refer to Ninja’s entry? Did he just refer to _his_ entry? Did it mean he felt exactly the same way about Chris?

“Look, I know I sound really weird right now, but I promise it makes sense?” Darren quickly added.

“Does it?” Chris managed to say weakly.

“We just really fit, you know. We click. I don’t know that many people with whom I just click like this,” Darren smiled. “In fact, there are only two besides you, and one of those two is my best friend Joey whom you’d love, by the way.”

Chris smiled despite himself when he remembered Joey’s comments from LiveJournal.

Darren cleared his throat.

“I’m actually working on a song that should explain this much better. It’s only just an idea right now, but it’s going to be a good one, I can tell already. It’s that feeling in the pit of your stomach, you know. Just. Ugh, I’m not very good with words, am I…” 

“You’re fine,” Chris laughed softly. “And… um, in the light of recent events, I quite liked it if you went out with me, maybe? Like, officially? On a date?”

Sweet baby Jesus. Chris finally managed to get that out. Now, that felt pretty good. Ashley would be really proud.

Darren’s face brightened.

“I would absolutely _love_ to go out with you, like officially, on a date.”

They grinned at each other.

Chris’s eyes slid to the half-eaten muffin in Darren’s hand.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry I haven’t let you finish your breakfast in peace.”

Darren waved his hand dismissively.

“That’s ok. You even managed to rid me of the earworm I’ve had since I got up. Cyndi Lauper. Worst thing ever. Also, these muffins are so good I could eat them while standing on my head, don’t worry.”

Chris giggled, trying to ignore the way his stomach jumped at ‘Cyndi Lauper’.

“How about you finish that muffin in the living- room? We should be way more comfortable there. I have a Friends DVD popped in the player,” he waggled his eyebrows. “We can watch all the episodes with the Duck and the Chick in it. And we’ll get you a cup of coffee in the process.” He paused. “And some pants.”

Darren batted his eyelashes.

“Christopher Colfer. Man after my own heart. And more kisses as well?”

Darren gave Chris a toothy smile and Chris couldn’t resist smiling back just as widely.

“More kisses, but no coming on the couch while the cat is watching.”

“Deal. Lead the way.”

x

**NEW MESSAGE**

**From:** Purpledinosaurs

**Userpic:** raphael.jpg

**Subject:** Raphael is actually much better suited for an icon

(than Jesus Christ, I mean)

Dearest Ninja,

What a coincidence because I haven’t got much sleep either (in a good way, though).

Anyway. Stop worrying, ok?

I just want to wrap you in a blanket and carry you around like an oversized burrito with me forever. Of course I’m not mad. I’m confused… but not mad. I told you before that I respected your right to privacy. That still stands. It would still stand if your location was on Jupiter and it stands when your location is in L.A..

I actually kind of fucking love the idea of sharing this city with you. It’s a city that brought me many amazing things. It only makes sense that you’re linked to all that, because I can’t imagine my days without reading your messages, posts, and comments anymore, my friend.

I’m having an AWESOME day and I’m bursting to talk to you about it. You’re my willow, buddy. Nothing has changed, yeah? The only thing that changed is that now I have this tiny little glimmer of hope inside of me, that we might meet one day. But I’ll let you decide that one. Lemme just tell you, though, that Jo would be ecstatic. She’d probably bike all the way from SanFran just to see us together.

Love and many warm hugs,

Darren

PS. Don’t tell me you’re a Ninja Turtles fan. WAIT WAIT does your LJ username come from Ninja Turtles? You keep giving me more and more reasons to hire a private detective and find you, because I really wanna hug you and kiss your beautiful (I’m certain!) face right now.

PS 2. I don’t think “my personal inferno” goes well with the topic of that entry. It makes the whole thing sound like sarcasm. Consider changing it to “my personal heaven”, ok? Which reminds me, congratulations on getting a new “duet partner”! I promise I’m not jealous, don’t believe everything Dom says, ok? I’m really happy for you and I can’t wait for you to let me share so you can be happy for me as well.

PS 3. Also, let me go back to trying to guess what your job is. You say you’re not a florist. My only piece of information is still that it gets really busy and intense in May. So. How about a lifeguard?

x

**kindofaninja→babygoatwhosings**

I thought I told you not to come here. We’ll have words.

**.**

**kindofaninja→pleadingguilty**

oh my god

**.**

**kindofaninja→crissian90**

Jo, my sweet Jo, I swear your comments usually brighten up my days, but today is not one of those usual days. What is it with you guys and your obsession with my sex life? I mean you don’t even know my gender (not that it matters), let alone my sexuality or even my name! Stop mentioning penises on my blog or all the ads on the side will be condom-related (well now I haven’t helped the case, have I).

I wanted to say that you deserved the I Drove All Night earworm, but nobody deserves that level of brain torture, really. I swear to god it’s the most obnoxious song ever. I mean I love it, obviously. But it’s impossible to get rid of once you’ve listened to it.

Unless you beat it with something worse. I haven’t found a worse one yet, though, so let me know if you do.

I love how you compared two lovers to two devices. Inventive and nerdy, yet cute.

**.**

**kindofaninja→rainbowspy**

You win the award for the cutest comment, ok. Sing on, Dom.

**.**

**kindofaninja→purpledinosaurs**  

Not just online friends, unfortunately.

x

Chris absolutely loved being in the studio. Acting had always been something he wanted to do ever since he could remember. Granted, something like _Glee_ wasn’t exactly what he had been imagining on sleepless nights when he couldn’t find comfortable position due to all the bruises on his back. He had dreamt of the stage. He’d dreamt of TV. Of the silver screen. The radio never even crossed his mind, yet, here he was, loving every single minute of it.

_Glee_ wasn’t just your regular pre-recorded radio show people listened to while doing the dishes. Ryan created it with the vision of making something that would be interactive, fun, improvisational, and full of music. It was a story about a bunch of underdog kids who were able to make anybody who managed to phone in during the show feel special. That was probably what Chris loved the most about it.

Kurt’s storyline was a steep road to self-discovery full of important life lessons. He was an inspiration to all the gay kids who felt uncomfortable in their own skin. Chris loved being Kurt if only just because of that. For one hour every week he was able to forget about his own life and be bold, sassy, and fabulous. Also, and most importantly, he was allowed to sing songs teachers in his high school had never allowed him to. Sometimes Chris found himself wishing Ryan hadn’t kept the cast names secret so he could let those teachers know he was now making a living singing girl songs.

There were five other main cast members besides Chris: Lea, Cory, Naya, Heather and Dianna. Then there were supporting cast members, such as Kevin or newly Chord, who weren’t in every episode, but were crucial parts of some of the main characters’ storylines. Chord’s character, the new boy called Sam, was originally supposed to be a part of Kurt’s storyline. For some reason, Ryan decided to scrap that idea in the last minute and put him together with Dianna as Quinn’s love interest instead. Chris was quite pissed off at first, but then he remembered last night at the bar and agreed that Chord playing a gay character, even if only on the radio, would come off cracky and ridiculous.

It seemed Kurt was destined to be single until college. Nice. No, but really. Chris didn’t even mind all that much, since now it looked like _he_ would be the one getting laid after all.

He blinked and reached for his bottle of water when he felt his cheeks crimson at the thought. He wouldn’t give Lea the satisfaction. She was watching him across the table like a hawk, the huge pair of headphones on her head making her look like Minnie Mouse. Luckily she didn’t have time to drag him away and interrogate him as the break just ended and they were about to kick off the second part of tonight’s _Glee_ after the first part, which consisted of improvised dialogues and rehearsed duets.

The second half of every episode had always been Chris’s favourite, since those were the parts of the show that involved the audience phoning in and actually interacting with the characters. He thought it was a brilliant idea, and he often found himself wishing that all shows, even the ones on television, had something like this, so he could have a nice talk with Tyrion Lannister or Jim Moriarty.

Since tonight’s episode of _Glee_ was a special, the phone-in part of it was extra-long, which tired Chris to death after not getting a good night’s sleep. He was happy, though. He got to talk to four amazing kids, who loved Kurt to death, and who, like him, struggled with coming to terms with their sexuality and were desperately looking for some sort of guidance and acceptance. He got to sing some of his favourite songs, including John Lennon’s Imagine and Rose’s Turn.

“All right! We got so many amazing calls tonight, guys!” Cory exclaimed in his Finn voice. “It’s been awesome. It’s getting quite late, though, so I think we’re just about ready for our last call. So… who’s it gonna be?”

For some reason Chris really didn’t like Cory’s little smirk at that moment. Something fishy was going on. Chris took a deep breath and cocked his head to a side, hands flying up to hold his headphones in place. He almost hyperventilated when he heard the voice of the last listener that managed to get through.

“Hello, Glee!”

It was Darren.

“Hello!” Whole crew (sans Chris, who was still trying to kick start his heart) hollered back.

“Heyyy, young man, or somebody sounding like a young man,” Lea giggled into her mike in a very un-Rachel-y manner. “Congrats on making it on air! Could you introduce yourself for us?” She asked, waggling her eyebrows at Chris in the process. Meanwhile, Chris was imagining all the painful ways to kill her after the show, most of which involved eating her still warm heart with a teaspoon. His own heart sped up to an incredible speed when Darren’s lovely baritone filled his ears once again.

“Of course, Rachel. Hello again, everyone, I’m Darren, I’m twenty six years old, originally from San Francisco, currently residing in L.A., I love sleeping, small animals that are nice, playing drunk scrabble, and blogging.” Chris had to chuckle at that, because that was so Darren, leaving out the most important bits of his life, like the fact that he was an actor and incredible musician and songwriter.

“Right,” Lea laughed. “So who’s gonna be your pick for a little chat and a song tonight, Darren from San Francisco? And bear in mind that whoever you choose is essentially getting to sing the closing slot. I feel like I should tell you that I’m the star of this glee club and I’m exceptional at belting out really long and high tones, and that closing slots are my speciality. It’s totally your choice, though!”

Darren giggled again.

“Well, I’m sure you’d do amazing, Rachel, but I’m sorry, I’m gonna have to pick my favourite glee club member, since I might never get the chance to talk to him again.” They could hear Darren take a deep breath over the phone.

Chris closed his eyes shut.

“I choose Kurt!”

Well, fuck it.

“Brilliant choice, Darren, I’m sure Kurt is delighted, since that means one more solo for him tonight!” Said Cory, since Lea was too busy trying to muffle a fit of laughter with her hands. “Aren’t you, Kurt?”

Chris blinked, trying to find his lost voice. He yelped in pain and jumped in surprise when Dianna kicked him under the table.

“Ohhhh yes!” He managed to squeak out in Kurt’s voice, careful to keep it as high and soft as possible, anxious as hell about the possibility of Darren recognizing his voice. Logically, he knew that it was next to impossible, as the voices, albeit both high, were pretty different. That didn’t stop him from almost collapsing in panic, though, as he opened his mouth to speak again.

“Hello, Darren! Thank you for choosing me! Is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about? We can always talk about the latest issue of Vogue. Or I could tell you about this amazing water buffalo recipe I discovered last week,” Chris paused, breathing through his nose.

Darren laughed down the line.

“That’s very nice of you, Kurt, but I don’t think I could eat a buffalo. I wanted to ask you about dating, actually. I kind of need an advice.”

Chris swallowed.

“I’m not really what you’d call an expert in this area, but I read Cosmopolitan, so go on.”

“I’m seriously interested in this amazing guy, but I’ve only ever dated girls before…”

This time it was Chris who kicked Dianna under the table to stop her from gripping his arm so tight he started to lose feeling in his fingers.

“That’s fascinating, Darren,” he answered in a breathy voice. “What was it that made you realise you liked him, then?”

“Like I said, he’s amazing. I’m kind of terrified of screwing it up with him, to be quite honest, Kurt.”

“Ok. Are you afraid he’ll be uncomfortable with your dating history? I mean, if you’ve never been attracted to boys before…?”

“Oh.” Darren’s voice sounded like he was mulling the question over. “See, I don’t think that’s true, actually. I sort of dated this guy in college for like five days… it was nice, but it never went anywhere. I never really think about preferring girls or boys, you know. For me they are always just _people_. I’d really love to get your point of view on this particular situation, though. Because you sound like a guy who’d be really high-maintenance if he was in a relationship. I want to make an impression on him.”

Chris giggled.

“This guy must be really special then.” He ignored Lea rolling her eyes at him.

“He is,” chuckled Darren. “I haven’t known him for long, but I feel like we’ve known each other for ages, even if that sounds like a cliché.”

Chris smiled.

“That’s ok, I like a good cliché. Well, you said you wanted some tips… Look, if it was me going on a date with you, I’d probably be terrified of you treating me like a girl. So, just be careful with that, I guess? You sound like a great person, so I’m sure he’s a one lucky guy. You’ll do fine, I promise. Just be yourself, yeah?”

Chris’s stomach flipped as he said those words, knowing that saying them to Darren made him extremely hypocritical.

“All right,” agreed Darren. “Let me just say what an incredible honour it is to talk to you, Kurt. I love you to bits, ok? Never change, please. And I want to wish you the best of luck in your life as well. I hope you’ll find a nice man of your own very soon.”

“I don’t intend to change!” Giggled Chris. “And as for men… we can only hope, am I right, Santana?”

Naya raised her eyebrows at him.

“Your mouth is moving, Hummel. I’m sure you’re speaking, but the words are missing my ears by miles.”

“Aww, be nice, Santana!” Darren exclaimed down the line.

“Right.” Chris straightened up in his chair, desperate to finally end this painful call. “What will you want me to sing for you tonight, Darren?”

“Well there’s this really cool song I can’t seem to stop humming today. I think it will suit your voice.”

“That sounds intriguing. Do tell.”

“I Drove All Night by Cyndi Lauper.”

Chris snorted into the microphone so hard he probably deafened half the nation.

x

**COMPOSE MESSAGE**

**To:** Purpledinosaurs

**Userpic:** mcgonnagal.jpg

**Subject:** why would you put Jesus on LJ icon in first place

Darren.

I’m pretty sure you must have heard the sigh of relief across the city! Please don’t hire a private detective, I’ve only just finished first season of Elementary and I’d be really disappointed if that detective didn’t look like Jonny Lee Miller.

You can definitely share with me. I think I make a good willow. (I certainly get green enough when I’m driving really really fast.) I’m also happy you’re happy. You certainly sound over the moon. That’s good. You know I can’t wait to hear all these things reflected in the song you’re writing. You’ve done well ever since you came to L.A.. I’m just telling you in case nobody else did, because I’m really proud of you, ok? It doesn’t matter you haven’t got an acting job yet. They’ll come. And in the meantime you can write the perfect song.

Nah, I’m staying in the inferno. This is to remind me that I need to be more careful with my personal information. Few more slip ups like this and I can kiss my LJ goodbye. Which I’d hate, because I’d miss you. And Jo. Even if she’s mad. Actually you’re all mad. Not only that you’re all Gleeks (I mean who even came up with that name.), but some of you even use tumblr, which is the devil’s website. I’m starting to be scared.

That said, inferno can be nice as well. I’m sure at least the food is better here than in heaven.

Speaking of my “duet partner”, my “duet partner” is certainly worth the heat. You can’t see me right now but I’m waggling my eyebrows. Gosh, these habits are contagious through the internet. Save yourselves, unsuspecting cyber-pilgrims!

Love,

Ninja

PS. No, the name actually comes from my mad sai sword skills. Raphael is definitely my favourite ninja turtle, though!

PS. NOT a lifeguard. Red beach clothes definitely don’t look good on me. Neither does sunburnt, by the way. Guess again! 


	7. Chapter 7

Darren ( **purpledinosaurs** ) wrote,

 **Location** : Los Angeles, CA   
 **Mood** : flirty   
 **Music** : [I’ll Be There For You](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzQWmAwNNCw)

**‘CAUSE YOU’RE THERE FOR ME TOO**

Hello? *waits for an echo*

Are you guys still here?

If you are, that’s what I call a dedication. Then again, I’m probably not the only person on your Friend List, am I. I have to admit that sometimes I imagine I am. Bit egocentric of me, I know. I can’t help it.

I have a special person in my life, my little dinosaurs. At first I wasn’t sure if I should even blog about it, but then I figured, who else should I tell? You people are my support system. You’ve always been my sounding board and you’ve always been my harshest critics and dearest friends. So yes, I want you to know about this as well. Because I’m happy. I like this boy (let’s call him Bookstore Boy because I’m not sure he’d appreciate being blogged about) very very much.

Sometimes I like him so much I catch myself spelling his name out of an alphabet soup.

I don’t want to jinx anything, but I’m quite positive Bookstore Boy feels the same way about me. He’s a bit hard to figure out, but once you’ve cracked the code it’s intoxicating.

Nothing is official yet, but I’m kind of hoping to change it tonight - with some wining and dining. Which is what I *actually* wanted to talk about. Because I’m cooking. Me.  

Now, if you know me at least a little bit, you know, that me and cooking don’t go particularly well together. Or at all, you know. I’m good at  _eating_  food, I’m good at  _smelling_  food, and I can tie a knot on a cherry stem with my tongue. When it comes to actual cooking, though, I’m hopeless.

I’m serious. I lived on cold pizza, ramen and takeout in college and I shamelessly depended on my mother’s cooking back at home. There is no excuse. I need your help, guys. Do any of you by any chance know about a magic recipe that would be easy enough for me not to fuck up but at the same time be elaborate and cool enough to charm Bookstore Boy?

You’re my last hope, I’m not even kidding. I’m prepared to order curry and pretend I made it, in worse case scenario, even if it would be a dirty DIRTY lie and I am sure I would end up keeping it a secret for the rest of our life together and blush at our wedding when he’d make a speech about how my curry made him fall in love with me.

So let’s not do that, ok? Pop some ideas into the comments, please!

I still haven’t got an acting job, by the way. I don’t feel so down about it anymore, though. Shout-out to my favouritest Ninja in the world,  **kindofaninja** , who was the one that made me see that I don’t need to beat myself up over it. There will always be auditions. Meanwhile I can focus on improving my bartending skills (I learnt to make Sex on the Beach last week), making sure the piano in The Law is regularly tickled, and wooing my future boyfriend.

Anyway, I’m afraid I must dash off now. I’m learning to make /Greek/ Sex on the Beach this weekend (which is apparently different from regular Sex on the Beach, I wouldn’t know, as I don’t like sand in intimate places) and I should probably start memorizing the recipe for that.

See you soon,

DC

PS. I painted my nails accordingly

**Tags:** bookstore boy, songwriting, the adventure continues, the law

~1 245 comments~

x

**rainbowspy**

I don’t have any cooking tips for you, but good God, Darren, let me do your nails next time? That’s some sloppy work you did there!

And aww look at you talking about Bookstore Boy. Speaking of, are we still on for that chat today? There are rules that need to be laid down when it comes to potential boyfriends coming over to the apartment. Just sayin’.

.

**tiscurtis**

NGL, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for our kitchen rather than you! You know what happened the last time you tried cooking back in San Francisco. Your brother told me there are still bits of spaghetti on your mom’s kitchen ceiling.

.

**Crissian90**

Wait wait wait wait wait. Slow down a little. You have a boyfriend? When did THAT happen?

Ok, I didn’t think I was gonna forgive you for keeping us out of the loop about your love life for so long, but then I took a step back and reminded myself that you’re a famous YouTube star with several tumblr blogs dedicated to your ass and I’m just a fan you’ve never even met before and I have no say in who you date.

I am so so happy for you. (Even if I think you and Ninja would be ridiculously cute together as well.) (((And yes I do realise I have no idea what Ninja even looks like. In my mind he/she looks like a person who belongs with you, though.)))

Have you thought about tacos?

.

**kindofaninja**

I’m right here, Jo, jsyk. Don’t listen to that crazy woman, Darren. We’ve known each other online for a long time and you must know that I am happy for you without repeating it every time I comment on your entries. Don’t you. Sometimes I forget that the others can’t see our private messages and I don’t realise all they see of our relationship is just the tip of the iceberg.

So here I am, talking to everybody: Guys, I am incredibly happy for Darren. There is nothing going on between he and I. All we do is talk. I promise.

We’re practically strangers.

.

**dammitjoey**

Dude, I hope you have an extra bed in your room, because I am certainly not sharing with you and your boyfriend. I can’t imagine it’s that big.

.

**anonymous**

The spaghetti story is actually pretty legendary here in SanFran. But then nobody expects you to play every musical instrument known to man AND be able to cook a decent meal, bro.

Congrats on the boy.

If you really want my suggestions, forget about cooking elaborate meals and order pizza. That way you’ll have time to shower. Which you probably need.

.

**anonymous**

it’s chuck, by the way

x

**COMPOSE MESSAGE**

**To:**  Kindofaninja

 **Userpic:**  raphael.jpg

 **Subject:** Are you upset with me?

Ninja,

You sounded kind of weird in that LJ comment and I would hate it if there was any weirdness between us. Weirdness that *I* somewhat caused. Ugh. I’m hoping that when you said “all we do is talk” you didn’t actually mean that. Because yes, even though all we do IS talk, it’s a lot more than that, isn’t it? Or is it just me and are we really strangers?

I am so used to having you in my life that I can’t imagine losing you right now. The truth is, I don’t care what your name is. Or what your gender is. For all I care you could be a purple dinosaur (yeah I went there). I don’t care if you live in Los Angeles. Hell I wouldn’t care if you lived on the Moon or if you secretly lived next door - believe me.

It’s just that our messages mean so much to me. You can’t imagine just how much.

We good?

Love,

Darren

PS. You have mad sai sword skills? Why am I only hearing about this now?

PS 2. Ok, so not a lifeguard and not a florist. How about an ice-cream person? But then again I’m pretty sure I already tasted all the ice-cream in LA and I never saw you.  

x

**_To: Joey_ **

_What do you mean you’re not sharing with me and my boyfriend? Are you coming to LA, Joseph???? Text me back, you ass!_

x

They were sitting in their tiny kitchen, all three of them, Curt and Dom opposite Darren, and it kind of felt like an interrogation. The only thing missing was the one-way mirror.

“Can I have a cigar and scotch to go with this, so it feels more authentic?” Darren joked, even though Curt’s and Dom’s faces didn’t look like they were up to that sort of thing.

“So, Darren,” Curt said, ignoring his question and putting on a serious tone as he looked at him with his eyebrows raised. He was drumming his fingers on the desk of the table, making Darren fidget in his seat. This whole thing was ridiculous, but he had agreed to go with it with the promise of a date with Chris hanging in the air.  _One simply has to bring small sacrifices on the altar of love_ , he thought, sighing inwardly.

“We’ve decided to do you a favour and clear the apartment for the day,” Curt finished curtly and smiled.

Darren let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and rolled his eyes at his roommates.

“Why are you being so weird, then? I thought you called me here because you wanted to tell me that you were staying in, actually.” Darren frowned.

Dom laughed and reached to pat him on the back.

“As if we’d want to witness your embarrassing mating rituals.”

Darren chuckled.

“I guess you wouldn’t,” he winked at them. “I’m sure it won’t be as embarrassing as you think, though. When it comes to Chris and I, nothing will ever be as awkward as the day we first met.”

Curt snorted.

“Exactly,” nodded Darren.

“There still need to be rules,” Dom spoke again, exchanging looks with Curt.

Darren rolled his eyes again.

“Guys, I get it, ok. No hanky panky in your rooms, no hanky panky in the kitchen…”

“No hanky panky in the living-room, no hanky panky in bathroom!” Curt cut him off, sitting up straighter in his chair. “Bathroom is for washing yourself, not for…”

“…soiling yourself,” Dom finished for him, giggling. He was nodding along, though. “Also I feel the need to add that while I’m happy you’re all happy and lovey-dovey, I do  _not_  need to see it, like, all the time. Some of us are perpetually single and don’t need it rubbed in our faces.”

“I would never do that!” Darren exclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest. “And you won’t be single forever, Dom, you know that, right?”

“One day you’ll find the perfect boyfriend and you will rub your happiness in all of  _our_ faces,” Curt added, nodding.

Darren glanced at his phone, willing it to vibrate with a reply from Joey, or anything really, that would save him from this conversation, but the bastard stayed silent.

Speaking of Joey, his sinister comment on Darren’s LJ kind of freaked him out. He’d love to see Joey,  _of course he would_. Joey was Darren’s best friend. His person. But this wasn’t exactly a good time. And Joey not replying made Darren itchy. He hated it when he didn’t have any control over things. Or when he didn’t know about things  _at all_.

It made him nervous.

But then many things made him nervous, lately. Chris, for instance. Chris made him very very very nervous indeed. It was like all of his nerve endings were constantly on fire when Chris was close. Darren’s body yearned to get as close as possible. Darren’s body had a dirty mind, by the way, so not only did it want to get close, but it also wanted to rub itself all over Chris’s body if possible.

Simply put, Darren was ready to take their relationship, or whatever the thing between them was, on a next level. He was horny all the time and he had this guy,  _this really gorgeous and amazing guy,_  who maybe wasn’t his official boyfriend yet, but whom he liked kissing a lot, whom he liked touching a lot, and whom he’d very much like to suck off as soon as possible, thank you very much. Something needed to be done.

It wasn’t just about sex,  _of course_. Darren liked everything about Chris. He felt like every fibre of his being was smiling when he was close. He was funny and interesting and Darren dreamt about his damn eyes about every other night.

Chris wasn’t here right now, though, and that sucked. It also sucked, because Darren was currently having an important conversation with his roommates and that was the  _least convenient time_  to get horny. It really was. Yet it was happening anyway.

Darren sighed, drumming his fingers on his thigh. He almost jumped when his phone finally vibrated in his hand. Glancing up to check on Curt and Dom, who were too engrossed in their “you’ll find love one day, I promise” talk to notice, Darren swiped his thumb across the screen.

It wasn’t Joey.

.

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Are we still on for this afternoon?_

.

Darren felt his cheeks heat up. This was the third time Chris sent him similar text today. It tickled Darren’s heart a little - the fact that Chris was obviously looking forward to today as much as  _he_  was. And Darren looked forward to it A LOT. More than he looked forward to going to Hanson concert next month. Which was saying it all.

**_._ **

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_Oh yeah. Nothing’s changed since three hours ago as far as I know ;)._

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_Wow, that was only three hours ago? Darn, now I’m embarrassed._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_Don’t be. As a matter of fact, I can’t stop checking my watch. Tintin’s getting complex from me. Jsyk you’re not alone._

_._

It was the truth. Darren couldn’t stop hypnotizing his watch ever since he woke up this morning. It was like there was a magnet in his eyes that constantly averted them that way. His stomach swooped every time the big hand moved.   

_._

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_I even read my horoscope for today. And I *never* read horoscopes, D. I had to hide in the bathroom from Ashley, she’d never let me hear the end of it._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_What’s the prognosis then?_

.

“So I was just reading some of the comments on your latest LJ entry,” Curt said suddenly, making Darren jump for the second time that morning, “and I’m afraid you’re gonna have to spill your beans, D.”

Darren blinked, cocking his head to a side in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s talking about Ninja, dude,” Dom said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Darren relaxed a little at that.

“What’s up with Ninja?” He shrugged.

Truth to be told, he didn’t feel like talking about Ninja today.

He didn’t know why, but it felt weird talking about him when in a couple of hours he had a date with Chris. And yeah, he could repeat to himself that there was nothing going on between him and Ninja as many times as he wanted, but the truth was…  _he didn’t know anymore_. Sometimes in their messages to each other they behaved like the bestest of friends, bros even, telling each other gross stuff you only ever say to your closest friends… but sometimes it felt different. It felt  _intimate_  and  _precious_ , and not in the same way Darren’s friendship with Joey felt precious to him. It was more than that.

Sometimes Darren felt like he  _needed_  Ninja. Like he needed Ninja as much as he needed Chris. And he knew that Ninja needed him as well.

It was all so confusing and talking about it with Curt and Dom was only going to make it worse. Darren wanted to run away. He wanted to  _be_  with Chris and forget about the internet world for a moment.  

“Well, what  _isn’t_  up with Ninja, Darren?” Curt insisted. “You seem really close. And you’re always messaging each other and you get this dopey look on your face when somebody mentions the name.”

Darren knew he was blushing, but dammit, he wasn’t able to stop it. He felt horrible. He felt horrible for feeling that way about Ninja.

Darren was thoroughly fucked, that was what was happening.

His phone lit up with a new text.

.

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_Well I still haven’t come out of here. I’m waiting for her to get busy with customers so I can sneak out, but today is a slow day so I might get stuck here for a bit._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_Hehe, I actually meant the horoscope. (How long have you been hiding in that bathroom, tell me the truth, I can take it. How much is “a bit”?)_

_._

“There is nothing going on between me and Ninja,” Darren sighed. He knew he didn’t sound convincing. He couldn’t help it.

“It’s ok,” Dom said, patting his hand. “Happens to the best, falling in love with two people at once. Fate’s a bitch.”

Darren rubbed his eyes, groaning.

“But I’m not in love with Ninja,” he protested. “Hell I’m not even sure I love Chris yet,” he added. “That’s what today is for, you know. I want to get to know him better. I want to spend some time with him. I really like spending time with him. It’s like being in this bubble where everything feels so right you don’t even care about what happens outside of it anymore.

“Sounds like love to me,” smiled Curt. Darren shook his head.

“But the thing is, I feel that way when I’m reading Ninja’s messages, too. It feels a bit different, of course, because it’s not a direct contact, but I still feel like the connection is the same. Like it’s  _right_. How can it be  _right_  with two people at the same time?”

Dom sighed.

“Look, dude, let’s not forget that you don’t actually know anything about Ninja. Is Ninja a boy? Or is Ninja a girl? Have you figured that one already, at least?”

Darren shook his head.

“I have a feeling Ninja is a boy. I always have. But I’ve been known to make mistakes. And it’s not like it matters, you know. I don’t care what Ninja is,” he grumbled.

“Ok, let’s say Ninja is a boy. How can you know if he’s the one you’re looking for if you don’t know him, though? If you never talked? If you don’t even know whether you’re attracted to him or not? You’re attracted to Chris, right?”

Darren blushed again, but nodded.

“See?” Dom continued. From where I’m standing, man, your thing with Ninja has no perspective unless you actually meet. And since he’s so secretive about his identity, even to you, he probably doesn’t  _want_ to meet you, have you ever thought about that?”

Darren froze. Of course he did. He always wondered why Ninja never said anything more about himself, not even to Darren, not even when they became so close. Surely he didn’t think Darren would take advantage of it in any way. Maybe he didn’t want to get closer to Darren.

Maybe the answer was that simple.

Darren slid down in his chair, frowning a little. He perked up when his phone vibrated again.

x

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_…a while… *spooky music* It’s ok, though. There’s a crossword puzzle and a sudoku as well in this magazine._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_I wish I could come rescue you, but I am currently being forced to sit a lecture from my roommates._

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_That sounds serious._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_It’s about you as well actually. So I can blame you for it._

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_You will do no such thing. Or else I’m withholding all favours._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_Wait wait wait, you had *favours* planned for today?_

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_Oh yeah. I consulted my horoscope and it said “Start new projects now. If you do, success is more than likely.”_

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_And it made you think of doing me favours, eh?_

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_Not necessarily, you naughty person. But it made me think of us._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_Dammit, Colfer. You make me want to check my horoscope, too._

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_Well, feel free! But if it’s telling you not to make any moves on scrawny book sellers today, because your Uranus is in the wrong house, or whatever, don’t listen to it, ok?_

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_BY THE WAY. I want you to know that I am not usually a horoscope person. Sometimes it’s nice to seek advice from something that doesn’t yell at you, tho._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_You don’t have to justify yourself to me. I collect my fortune cookie prophecies and keep them in antique Mason jam jars._

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_That’s not weird, that’s adorable._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_Aw, stop it. Also I’m sure my Uranus is fine, so don’t worry. Is Ashley giving you a hard time? :D_

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_She’s being extra obnoxious this week. I have no idea what’s up with that woman. It must be all the coffee she’s consuming. I mean it does *stuff* to people._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_Hey! Don’t dish the coffee! Ashley makes a really good roast._

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_See? She already has you under her spell._

.

“Are you done sexting now?” Curt asked, chuckling.

Darren blushed. He didn’t even realise it, but he’d started smiling like a loon again at some point during his text conversation with Chris.

Chris was good at texting. Too good, actually. It was just Darren’s luck, having crushes on writers, wasn’t it.

“We’re not actually sexting.” Only half-lie. Dom and Curt were looking at him like they didn’t believe him anyway.

“Guys,” he sighed. “Does this conversation have any point? Because I feel like it doesn’t. The situation with Ninja is unsolvable and I have a date to cook for.”

“It’s not actually unsolvable,” Dom pointed out.

“How come?” Darren frowned.

“Obviously, you have to find him,” Curt said, rolling his eyes. “Look, Darren, you can say whatever you want, but I know you. I know it’s gonna keep on eating you and it’s gonna hurt your relationship with Chris if you keep ignoring it.”

Darren didn’t answer that. He sighed again and tapped the internet icon on his phone instead to check out his horoscope. He was damn well gonna ignore it if he wanted to.

.

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_Ok, so my horoscope says that my persuasive powers are intensified today. Is there any chance I could persuade you to come over early?_

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_You realised I’m still stuck in the bathroom and that my shift doesn’t end for another 2 hours._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_Please???_

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_Oh god. Ok. I’ll see what I can do, hold on, I need to hide the magazine or you will indirectly witness the end of my dignity today._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_I’ve been hoping to witness that anyway ;). Just stuff the thing down your pants._

_._ **_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_That’s what she said :P :P. But heh, I wish there was actual space for that in my pants._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_You’re not helping your matters here, you know._

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_All I’m saying is not everybody feels comfortable running around L.A. in airy track bottoms with no underwear on._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_Ok that’s just mean. I like a healthy breeze ‘round my privates, thank you very much._

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_You think you’re so cute quoting Harry Potter at me, aren’t you._

**_To: Chris Colfer_ **

_…is it helping?_

_._

“Ok, look,” he turned back to Dom and Curt in that moment. “I really appreciate your concern, but even if I wanted to, there’s no way to find Ninja. All I know is that he, if he even is a he, lives in LA and that he’s 23 years old. That’s literally it.”

Dom shook his head.

“I’m sure we could come up with more clues if we went over all of his entries. All you need is to put the pieces together.”

Darren shook his head, even though there were shivers running down his spine when he thought about meeting Ninja.

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea,” he said anyway.

“But you admit that it would solve a lot of your problems,” Dom said.

It wasn’t even a question.

.

**_From: Chris Colfer_ **

_Harry Potter always helps. I’m on my way._

.

Darren stared at the message, his heart picking up speed. Chris would be here in an hour and all he was able to think about right now was the Ninja mess in his head.

“Ok, so maybe you’re right,” he breathed as he watched Dom and Curt’s determined smiling faces. “Maybe finding Ninja  _is_  gonna help,” he added. He slipped his phone back into his pocket, hoping he made the right decision.

x

**NEW MESSAGE**

**From:**  Kindofaninja

 **Userpic:**  dino.jpg

 **Subject:** We good!

Here’s the thing, Darren. I am a creature of sarcasm. I’m pretty sure I came out of the womb and said: “Well, that was a fun experience, why don’t we have a repeat.”.

I’m a pessimist, I’m sceptic, I never believe anybody, I’m insecure, and I’m basically a hermit crab (the one that never comes out of the shell because he likes it inside, dammit, and you can only ever see its little legs poking out), which we all already established a long time ago.

But DC, I was all of these things long before we made friends. I will be all of these things forever. You shouldn’t be surprised when you see weird comments from me. Especially when I’m reacting to something Jo wrote, ok? (She’s Jo! She needs to be pacified from time to time, bless her soul.)

And no. It’s not just you, you ass. Our friendship might be based on just talking to each other via website owned by a bunch of Russians, but that doesn’t make it any less important. The opposite. You’re super-important to me. This Ninja wouldn’t even be a ninja without you.

Ok?!

Toodles,

Ninja

PS. That’s just one of those things I keep hidden in my hermit shell. Along with the fact that I really enjoy dressing up my cat. Don’t tell anyone about that, though, or I WILL find a way to slip some kind of poison into your Greek Sex on the Beach. They’ll have to rename that cocktail after they find your body, or what’s left of it, covered in chihuahuas.

PS 2. Not an ice-cream man! But that’s actually a really cool idea. I’ve always wanted that van.

PS 3. Also, Darren, I hate to break it to you, but you don’t actually know what I look like, remember? You couldn’t possibly recognize me as the ice-cream man.

x

Darren decided on making tacos, in the end, because out of all the suggestions, it was the only thing he was able to execute without killing himself or destroying the kitchen in the process.

Thank God Dom and Curt were long gone anyway, though, because he still managed to make quite a mess. Making two different sauces was not as easy as it initially seemed. Hell, he was even forced to text Ashley in a moment of panic when he couldn’t find garlic. She didn’t help much, to be honest, and she made lewd comments, but at least he stopped feeling so incompetent when he finally discovered the damn thing hiding in the very back of the pantry, mocking him.

While the tomato sauce turned out really well and filled Darren with a sense of pride, the yoghurt one somewhat managed to condense into a weird smelling ball, that looked like it would only be good for playing basketball and that would probably give both him and Chris indigestion (which would be very contraproductive). It would have to do. There was no time for improvising.

He felt a jolt of electricity run through him when the doorbell rang, almost as if it was connected to his body through wires. He took a deep breath and practically tackled the door, too excited to see Chris to take it slow.

Chris apparently felt the same way because he hugged him back just as fiercely as Darren hugged him, almost knocking his teeth out with a bottle of red wine he was holding in his hand.

“Hey, you,” Chris breathed into his hair, making his stomach do cartwheels. And suddenly Darren wasn’t even sure what his conversation with Dom and Curt had been about. All he was able to think about was the smell of Chris’s skin and the smile tugging on Chris’s lips when their eyes locked. He couldn’t help himself. He leaned in and kissed him chastely, his eyelashes brushing against Chris’s face.

“Hey,” he finally said, his mouth still so close to Chris’s their lips brushed in a whisper of another kiss when he spoke.

“Are you going to let me in, or…?” Chris said playfully, although his arms were still wrapped around Darren’s neck. “Something smells really good here.”

Darren laughed and forced himself to let go, instantly missing the warmth of Chris’s body pressed against his. He took the bottle of red and scanned the label, before giggling out loud.

“Cabernet Sauvignon, L.A. Cetto, eh?”

Chris smirked.

“Little bird told me you’re making tacos today, so I thought I’d go Mexican with the wine.”

“ _Little bird_  told you, didn’t  _she_?” Darren frowned making Chris burst into a full blown fit of giggles.

“It’s your own fault you texted Ashley for cooking advice. But just so you know, I was extremely pleased when she told me. I have a taco obsession, so you chose really well.”

Darren considered that for a moment as he searched the cupboards for wine glasses.

“I’ll take it. But still, she had no right!”

“I told you she was evil. She’s the biggest blabbermouth in the universe. She’s even worse than Lea and Lea told my mom the story of how I lost my virginity!” Chris immediately clapped his hand over his mouth, but it was too late, he’d said it.

“Oh really?” Dimpled Darren. “I’m gonna have to ask her to tell me that story as well.”

“Oh shut up and feed me,” said Chris, his cheeks so read they could compete with Darren’s tomato sauce.   

.

When they finally pushed their plates away, they were both pleasantly full and buzzed on the wine Chris had brought, which turned out to be tad more stronger than either of them had been expecting.

Chris lifted the bottle and topped both their glasses anyway. His cheeks were red and his eyes were sparkling and Darren was falling for him harder with every passing second.

“I still can’t believe you cooked all that,” Chris said. “It was so good.”

“Well thank you very much!” Laughed Darren, leaning back in his chair. Chris was right, though, it really _was_  good. He sort of couldn’t believe he cooked it himself, if he was completely honest.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” Chris smiled, reaching across the table to pat Darren’s hand. Darren caught his fingers in his as he was withdrawing it and squeezed, swiping his thumb across them.

“I know,” he winked. “I’m glad you liked it.”  

“By the way, I was thinking you could come over to The Shelves tomorrow,” Chris said shyly, watching Darren from underneath his eyelashes.

Darren felt his stomach swoop and he squeezed Chris’s hand again, tempted to climb over the table and kiss that pretty blush away.

“That’d be awesome,” he smiled. “We could head to The Law after your shift. I’ll make you Greek Sex on the Beach,” he added, waving his painted fingernails in front of Chris’s face.

“Fabulous,” Chris commented dryly and laughed at Darren’s mock-hurt expression. “The Law sounds great, though. We’ll have to take Ashley with us, I’m afraid. She’s been begging me to take her out for ages. And I bet Lea and Corey will be there as well.”

Darren smirked.

“The more the merrier, as long as you promise me a dance. Oh and look at you, you’re a social butterfly!”

Chris snorted.

“More like a social moth,” he rolled his eyes. “When do you need to leave for work today, by the way? I’m only asking because Ashley promised to pick me up if I drink too much wine and this thing was really strong,” he quickly added, his voice suddenly higher and breathier, which made Darren chuckle.

“Are you so eager to get out of here, already? We haven’t even watched anything yet,” he teased.

Chris shook his head.

“Nah, I’m just— god, you make me so nervous,” he finally admitted, scratching the back of his neck. He was smiling, though. “This date is really important to me and I want it to go well, so naturally I’m being as weird and awkward as I can be.” Chris ducked his head, his ears turning adorable crimson from embarrassment. Darren wanted to kiss those ears. Amongst other things.

“We’re doing fine, don’t worry,” he said instead and stood up, tugging Chris along. “Let’s cuddle on the couch and watch some Friends, how about that.”

“I’d really liked that,” Chris nodded, grabbing his glass of wine from the table before they headed for the living room.

It turned out that sitting next to each other instead of opposite each other with a table separating them was the best idea Darren ever had in his life. They were 5 minutes into “The One with Chandler’s Work Laugh” when Darren turned his head to stare at Chris, loving the way he could make him blush by doing just that.

When Chris finally stopped pretending to be watching the program and turned his head as well, he returned the gaze just as intently.

“What,” he finally asked, smiling.

Darren took a deep breath through his nose before he spoke.

“Would you like to go steady with me?”

“Oh god, I can’t believe you just said that,” Chris snorted and then he crawled into Darren’s lap and kissed him. And it definitely wasn’t one of the chaste kisses they exchanged before lunch. Chris teased at Darren’s lips with his tongue and Darren automatically opened his mouth, letting him deepen the kiss.

Darren had been surprised by Chris taking the charge, but he wasn’t about to complain. Chris’s hands were kneading into Darren’s shirt and he was making delicious little noises in the back of his throat as their tongues curled around each other.

“I really really like you,” Chris breathed into his ear when they finally parted. Darren smiled and slid his hand under Chris’s shirt, brushing against his nipple, making him shudder in his lap.

“I’m glad,” he said and attached his lips to Chris’s neck to suck at it, making him groan out loud. The sound went directly into Darren’s groin and he couldn’t help it but rock up a little as Chris shuddered again, his hands tightening in Darren’s shirt.

“I really really like you too, by the way,” Darren added. He felt like his chest was about to burst.

Chris panted against his cheek as they moved together, too worked up to keep kissing him.

“I think we should move to my room,” Darren finally managed to say, remembering what Curt and Dom told him about hanky panky in the living-room. Chris let out a breathy laugh.

“Have you been banned from coming on the couch?”

Darren groaned.

“Don’t say ‘coming’, oh my god, I’m barely keeping it together here.”

Chris laughed again, kissing Darren’s chin, his tongue rubbing against the stubble there. It felt prickly, but weirdly hot. Really really hot. And then Chris was crawling out of his lap, leaving Darren all pudding-y, sweaty, and yearning.

“You _coming_  then?” Chris raised his eyebrows after he managed to stand up on his wobbly legs and Darren almost kicked himself in the face scrambling from the couch way too fast, making Chris almost double over with laughter.

“Stop laughing at me, Colfer, or you’re gonna be punished.”

“I’m not scared of you, Criss, I know martial arts.”

They kissed again, wobbling together, even though they had four legs now to support them. Darren was too far gone to care at that point, though, and he kissed Chris deeper, squeezing his ass his free hand. Chris hummed in appreciation and buried his own hands into Darren’s hair, which made Darren groan into his mouth.

“Your room,” Chris sad, sounding absolutely wrecked. His voice was so raw and scratchy it made Darren thrust against him involuntarily. His mouth watered when he felt Chris’s erection pressing into his hipbone.

“Fuck my room,” he said, and pushed Chris against the nearest wall.

Chris giggled.

“I thought that was the idea?”

Darren growled into Chris’s ear and then he kissed him again, even deeper than before, his hands furiously working at the buttons of Chris’s pants.

And Chris hadn’t been kidding. Those pants were  _impossibly_  tight. He had to engage all of his brain cells to get them off, which wasn’t exactly easy, since all of his blood had emmigrated southward a long time ago. He also couldn’t do it without laughing. But then again, laughing during sex had always been something Darren liked. Sex wasn’t always supposed to be serious. It was supposed to be messy and awkward and hot and this was exactly that. He loved every second of it.

“Yes,” he groaned in victory when he finally managed to tug Chris’s pants down to his ankles. He slid down to his knees and licked his lips, hearing Chris’s breath hitch above him as he stopped laughing as well.

“I’m gonna suck you off now.”

x

**COMPOSE MESSAGE**

**To:**  Kindofaninja

 **Userpic:**  raphael.jpg

 **Subject:** at least I’d die a glamorous death

Ninja.

That’s a funny image, Chuck always says I came out of the womb playing the guitar. Apparently I serenaded a scrub nurse. We would have made a great duo, you and I.

We established your shell-iness a long time ago, Ninja, you’re right. What I’ve been trying to say the whole time is that you’re a hard nut to crack and I’m no nutcracker.

Hell I’ve never even seen the ballet.

Take care,

DC  

PS. What is it with people and dressing up their cats? I always felt like cats were already sort of dressed up. This whole thing is deeply confusing.

PS2. I call BS. I’m pretty sure I’d recognise you instantly if I ever saw you

x

**purpledinosaurs→rainbowspy**

Excuse yourself, as if I would ever let you do my nails, Dominic. Painting my nails is a religious experience. You wouldn’t understand.

.

**tiscurtis→rainbowspy**

Dude, seriously, don’t push it, DC and his nail painting… it’s a thing.

.

**purpledinosaurs→tiscurtis**

THAT WAS THAT ONE TIME, OK. And you’ve no proof it was me. I’m still convinced it was the Spaghetti Monster passing along trying to frame me. And for your information, Chris LOVED my dinner.

.

**purpledinosaurs→crissian90**

You are certainly not “just a fan”, Jo, believe me. Not that any of my other fans are “just a fan”. None of you guys are. But you’re practically a family, girl, so don’t ever forget that, ok?

I’m glad you’re happy for me, because I really am happy with Bookstore Boy. He’s special too.

He’s very special.

PS. I made tacos and it was a great success. You’re a genius and you deserve kisses on the forehead

.

**purpledinosaurs→anonymous**

When are you finally going to make an account here, Chuck? It’s getting ridiculous.

Also, stop telling people embarrassing stories from my past. They’re going to discover I’m actually not that cool after all.

.

**purpledinosaurs→anonymous**

Also stop implying that I stink, ok? This is  _my_  blog, dammit!

.

**kindofaninja→purpledinosaurs**

Don’t worry, D, we already know exactly how uncool you are, no need to hide it! x

**.**

**purpledinosaurs→kindofaninja**

You’re a deeply annoying person, Ninja. xo

.

**kindofaninja→purpledinosaurs**

That’s just a part of my charm! ;)

x

Darren stepped out of the shower, humming to himself, his smile so wide his whole face hurt. Today had been a very good day. Despite the rocky start - meaning the uncomfortable conversation with Dom and Curt - it turned out beautifully in the end.

His date with Chris.  _Christ_ , he could barely think about what they got up to in the living room without getting hard all over again. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his hips, running his hand through his wet curls.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and he couldn’t help but whimper when he saw the hickey below his collarbone. He experimentally pressed two fingers into it and closed his eyes when shivers ran down his spine and his mind flooded with images of Chris sucking that hickey into his skin. Chris tugging at Darren’s hair while Darren licked him. Chris pressing against the cold whiteness of the wall while Darren licked  _into_  him. Chris roughly jerking him off while Darren played with the globes of his ass.

Darren swallowed and squared his shoulders in an attempt to compose himself. He needed to take a breather before his shift tonight, and that meant no more coming. He was pretty sure he used up his orgasm quota for the day, anyway.

So he brushed his teeth instead, ignoring the throbbing between his legs, tugged on his underwear, and headed into his room, smiling when Dom’s guinea pig ran out of its little house and squeaked loudly as if saying hello. Darren kept on humming as he fed the pet, when he suddenly realised he was humming the melody of his new song.

He leapt to the other side of the room, snatched his guitar from where it rested against his desk and sat down cross-legged on his bed, plucking out the tune.

It didn’t take long and Darren was finally writing down first couple of lyrics for his song.

.

 _I’ve got dinner on my plate,_    
 _got my paycheck yesterday._    
 _How great, how cool._    
 _I’ve got places, I’ve got friends,_    
 _I’ve got Joey, Ross, and Chandler, then…_    
 _there’s you._

_x_

**_From: Joey_ **

_Heading to LA soon, your bed better be empty by Friday._


	8. Chapter 8

It was official. Waking up with his butt nestled in Darren’s groinwas Chris’s new favourite thing on the planet. He blinked himself awake, immediately compelled to rock back into it, just so he could feel Darren’s hardness press against his tailbone. Darren’s arms were wrapped around his middle and he was breathing evenly against Chris’s neck, which kept sending delicious sparks down his spine. Chris managed to turn around without waking his boyfriend up, his chest tingling where it brushed against Darren’s sleep-warmed skin. He settled back into his arms and bit down on his tongue to keep himself from groaning when they subconsciously thrusted into each other.

Chris zeroed in on Darren’s face and felt himself smile instinctively as he stroked it with his eyes. The thick eyelashes that lay fanned on his cheeks contrasting with the olive skin, the light hint of a stubble under his nose and on his chin, the moist lips... Chris couldn’t resist inching forward and kissing those lips, his hands resting on Darren’s shoulders.

He could feel Darren’s chest expand and his heart quicken as he suddenly woke up, startled.

“ _Whazzappening_?” He mumbled against Chris’s mouth, his eyes still closed.

Chris smiled devilishly even though he knew Darren couldn’t see it. Then he chuckled and propped himself up on his elbow so he could whisper into Darren’s ear.

“I’m waking you out.” He kissed Darren again, his hands sliding up on their own accord and tangling themselves in the sleep-tousled curls.

Darren finally opened his eyes and blinked a few times in confusion, his mind evidently still a bit cloudy, before he settled them on Chris’s face.

Darren smiled.

“Hi. You’re doing _what_ again?” He asked, his voice all low and raw and Chris wanted to kiss his eyelashes.

“I’m waking you out,” Chris repeated, his smirk widening. “That’s when somebody wakes you up by making out with you, duh.”

Darren stared at him for a second or two before shaking his head.

“...I guess I should have known what I was getting myself into when I decided to date a bookworm, right?”

“That’s ri-ight,” Chris sing-songed and slipped his hands back under the blankets, instantly finding Darren’s already half-hard dick and gently pulling at it. Darren hissed when Chris's fingers wrapped around it more securely and let out a long groan before he attached himself to the spot right under Chris’s clavicle, just as Chris slowly started jerking him off.

“You smell so good,” Darren mumbled into his skin and Chris moaned quietly and didn’t even mind his nose was full of Darren’s hair, because Darren's mouth felt too _good_ to care about anything else in the world.

Except for banter, apparently.

“I stink, actually,” he managed to say, his voice coming out all worn out and scratchy and already so wrecked. “‘S totally your fault, though. Didn’t have the strenght to shower last night. After…” he trailed away, moaning again. He didn’t have to finish the sentence, since he was sure they both remembered it in vivid colours. Or rather in dim colours and touches and smells and groans and heavy breaths and racing heartbeats, oh my...

“Want you to do it again,” Chris said, because hell yeah, he kind of wanted Darren to do it to him every day for the rest of their lives.

“Then you need to, _uh_ , stop…” Darren’s hand suddenly gripped his wrist and Chris was forced to let go of Darren, which, granted, was a small sacrifice, when he remembered what he was about to have done to him, but he instantly missed the hot and heavy and _moist already_ in his fingers anyway.

Darren came up to kiss him on the lips and on the cheeks and on the nose before he slid back down again and Chris flipped on his stomach, panting as Darren licked a line down his spine, stopping at every freckle and sucking a little.

Chris wriggled his ass impatiently.

“Stop teasing me,” he whined, feeling the tiny droplets of sweat already forming on his forehead.

“As you wish,” Darren snorted into his lower back and then Chris almost blacked out from pleasure, because Darren’s tongue was right _there,_ right where he needed it, where he wanted it and he whined like a whore and didn’t even care, because god, he sort of wanted Darren’s tongue up there forever and ok, that was a ridiculous image, but Chris’s mind was a bit preoccupied what with all the rimming going on and he _growled_ , reaching for his own dick and giving it a stroke to take the edge off, because he was sure it was going to explode otherwise.

“W-want you in me,” he finally stutteredafter he decided he wasn’t capable of taking the _hot-wet-and-oh-so-good-and-so-mind-fuckingly-not-enough_ any longer and Darren lay down on him, covering his body completely, and kissed the side of his neck, the pads of his fingers already circling Chris’s clenching hole.

“You sure you’re not too sore from yesterday?” He licked at Chris’s ear and then he blew at it and Chris shuddered, cursing.

“Fuck yes ‘m sure, do it already,” he breathed, screwing his eyes shut for a moment to regain some control and to stop himself from rubbing his leaking dick against the sheets.

“Please,” he added, knowing that it was all he needed to say.

“‘mkay,” Darren pressed one more kiss to the centre of Chris’s back before rising on his knees and searching the blankets for lube and condoms which Chris was _quite_ sure had actually rolled off the bed and ended up somewhere on the floor the night before and _god_ , Darren was still frantically digging through the nest of the blankets and they were just _so ridiculous_ , weren’t they.

Chris sat up, all flushed and wrecked and he looked at Darren who stared back at him with his eyes open wide, sort of like a puppy unable to find its favourite rope tug and Chris sighed and reached out to ruffle his hair.

“You might wanna look under the bed, sweetie.”

.

They did actually manage to have that sex in the end, and it was a really good one too - one that left them both boneless and panting and unbelievable stinky and messy and it was _amazing_. What was less amazing was that Darren had to get up and shower and leave for an audition and Chris still couldn’t feel his toes at that point so he couldn’t even join him under the spray of deliciously hot water.

And then he was left alone with his thoughts and the smell of their mingled spunk lingering in the air and jesus christ, he never felt more guilty.

Being with Darren was… everything. When they were together, they were perfect, like a well-oiled machine (pun definitely intended). They worked. They _fit_. But that didn’t change the fact that Chris had been lying to Darren. Was still lying to Darren. He was lying to Darren and it was eating him up from the inside. Also, it was getting increasingly difficult to keep on living the way he’d been living for the past couple of months. Or at least not without lots and lots of alcohol and Chris was pretty sure his liver was already about to stage an intervention for him.

And let's do some analogy. Take Peter Parker. Peter Parker was only balancing one secret identity and Mary Jane knew about him being Spider-Man, but the dude never even got laid anyway, although that might be just because it was a children’s cartoon show. The point was, Chris had two identities to maintain and that was like _way more difficult_ than being Spider-Man _._ That was almost Bruce Banner levels of difficultness. And while Ninja wasn’t a superhero and didn’t burst out of Chris’s body everytime he got mad or horny, he was just as hard to handle sometimes.

Chris was pretty sure Ninja was falling for Darren. But then Chris was also falling for Darren, _hard,_ and was a bit jealous of Ninja, because Darren was _his_ first, ok? He touched him first, he kissed him first, hell, he fucked him first (and let’s just for a sec ignore the fact that Ninja would never be able to do any of those things due to his non-existent body).

And then there was Darren who was so freaking frustrating, because he apparently liked… both of them? The truth was… Chris didn’t really know how Darren felt. But then Darren didn’t know any vital information about Ninja. For all he knew Ninja was a 13 years old girl… who drank and lived alone and shopped in Ikea and ok, maybe not a 13 years old girl, then, but the important thing was that Ninja could have been absolutely ANYBODY. And it turned out he was! He was Chris. Chris was Ninja. And Chris was also a famous radio show pop star who accidentally ended up with a super-fake cover identity of a grumpy and slightly awkward bookseller… which was ironically actually the closest to the real him out of all his identities.

It was just way too complicated.

And so it dawned on Chris that it had to end. It had to end before it got even crazier. Before his life actually _turned_ into The Incredible Hulk 2 and he sprouted two giant green fists and killed everybody in LA.

Chris thought about it. He thought about it hard and he had to quickly discard the idea of actually _telling_ Darren, because there was no way Darren would react positively to “ _Hey, honey, guess what, I’m actually the online entity to which you’ve been pouring your heart out for months. Oh and I also play your favourite character on your favourite show, have I ever mentioned that? By the way, I love you. Pass the peas.”_

No. That wouldn’t go down well.

And so Chris did the second thing he could think of before his brain finally gave up and refused to collaborate any further.

He decided to get rid of Ninja.

It was supposed to be quick, painless and most of all, there was supposed to be no fuss. As usual, Chris Colfer was so _so_ _ **so**_ wrong in his expectations.

x

Ninja ( **kindofaninja** ) wrote,

 **Location:** shh  
 **Mood:** discontent  
 **Music:** **[Good Morning, Baltimore](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLaM1d383eg)**

**NOT ACTUALLY LIVING IN BALTIMORE**

(and not actually saying good morning, either)

Not that there’s anything wrong with Baltimore, mind you. The opposite. After all, it’s where Tracy Turnblad, one of my biggest heroes and role models, comes from.

And I mean - doesn’t it just sound like a dream; waking up so happy every morning you want to sing instead of smashing your alarm clock into the floor? With your hair looking the way it did when you went to bed (and not plastered to your forehead and making you look like you regressed back to your pre-pubescent years during the night)?

Launching into a song with your voice pure as a bell (and not even a little bit pitchy or off-tune or sounding like you inhaled a whole party-store full of helium balloons the night before) without any sort of warm up?

I’d love to *be* Tracy. And not just because riding a giant green truck to school instead of the bus would have spared me many unpleasant moments in my teens.

Even if it does sound like she’s actually singing “Good morning, Voldemort!” at times. It’s a bit creepy, granted. (That’s ok, though, as I am regularly in touch with my evil side. On the other hand, it would be a great opening song for the Death Eaters if anyone ever decided to write a Harry Potter musical. I say Voldy *would* be the type to have a bunch of his followers wake him up every morning by harmonising by his bed.)

Anyway, Tracy was a fighter. And a damn good dancer, too.

The point is, and I’m not saying that it has anything to do with any of the stuff I just wrote, it seems to me that if you want your life to be a musical, you need to make sacrifices. Which you're just about to experience first-hand.

The summer is nearing and so is the end of my time online. * _dum dum dummmmmmm_ *

Yes, that’s right, I have decided that I’m no longer going to continue this blog when June ends.

That said, I’m not going to delete it. It'll stay here as an archive as I haven’t got the heart to get rid of the past completely.

Believe me when I say it was a hard decision to make and that I didn’t make it lightly… but simply put: it had to be done.

There are… reasons, which I very much need to keep to myself for other equally important reasons, but believe me when I tell you it has _nothing to do with you lot._

You have been brilliant, actually. Truthfully.

 **arthurthedog** :we are definitely having words this weekend. I feel like I haven’t seen you in months. Bring tequila. I will miss seeing your ridiculous username.

 **pleadingguilty** :you’ve been creepy. I loved it.

 **crissian90** : Jo, you have been a ray of sunshine. I know you were originally Darren’s fangirl, but I think I can say I have converted you into a Ninja-ite as well, am I right? I can even forgive you your Glee addiction. If I squint, that is. I’m going to miss your hypothetical face online. *sad smile* Keep it fabulous, all right?

 **tiscurtis** and  **rainbowspy** : I have to admit I’m never entirely sure which is which… which is understandable, since I haven’t known you for very long… anyway, you’ve been so much fun, guys. Take care of Darren for me, ok?

 **purpledinosaurs:** Darren. Darren. Lovely Darren. I will miss you most of all, you know that. I will never stop lurking around the internet in a hope of hearing your news song, because I owe you _that_ much, I can promise you that. Know that I am incredibly proud of you and I will be even prouder when you’re a famous rock star and people are fighting to offer you roles. I am sure you’re mad at me and confused right now. And believe me when I say I am so. terribly. sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me one day. Trust me when I say that this new arrangement will be better for the both of us. Also, tell your boyfriend he doesn’t deserve you and if he ever hurts you I will hunt him down and break his nose.

I really wish I could acknowledge all of you guys here, but that would make this post way longer than LJ actually allows. Let me just say that I am freaking touched and still really surprised you’ve stuck with me all this time. Having this blog saved me when I first moved into this city and didn’t know what to do with myself. Writing these posts kept me sane when the only thing I was capable of was crying myself to sleep every night. It gave me hope, it gave me my first set of friends, and even though I never actually met them, they were _the best_. You’re the best. And I am going to miss you. I don’t want to say goodbye, because that sounds way too final for my liking - I’m a changable guy and it’s possible that I'll come back one day… so for now, let’s leave it at “see you”.

And I guess that’s it, then. It’s been a privilege to blog with you, my friends.

Love,

Ninja 

 **Tags:** go on and take a bow, life lessons, friends

~1,246 comments~

.

**crissian90**

What the fuck, Ninja?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I mean literally WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

.

**crissian90**

Ok, I think I’ve calmed down. But I’m still majorly confused here. Why would you stop blogging? Your posts are like rays of sunshine. I love reading them. You’re funny and awesome and if anybody told you otherwise, don’t you listen to them ok?!

God this is going to break Darren’s heart. HOW DARE YOU?

.

**crissian90**

I’m sorry… I realise I have no right to tell you any of these things. I’m just… so fucking confused? I am sure you have a very good reason for this, Ninja. I just hope it’s worth it. I’ll miss you fiercely. I hope you know that. x

.

**arthurthedog**

Oh darn it. Fuck the weekend. I’m coming over now. With two bottles of Tequila, because I have a nagging feeling that just one bottle won’t quite cover this mess.

.

**pleadingguilty**

I feel like I should say that everything will resolve itself eventually, but nobody would believe me, so I won’t say anything.

(But it will happen.)

.

**rainbowspy**

But… but…. but…….. WHY? ;n;

.

**tiscurtis**

Like Jo said, I hope you have a good reason for this. And as for Darren’s boyfriend, I think it will be him who’s going to be wanting to break your nose for doing this to Darren. Not the other way around. I wish you all the best in life, though. Don’t be a complete stranger, ok?

.

**purpledinosaurs**

I don’t even know what to say right now. I just don’t get it. Please answer my messages. Please, Ninja, do this for me, all right? Just. Respond to one. Yeah?

.

**purpledinosaurs**

Please.

x 

**NEW MESSAGE**

**From:** Purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** raphael.jpg

 **Subject:** Did I do something wrong?

Dearest Ninja,

I feel like I should have seen this coming. You’ve been so weird lately… ever since I announced I had a boyfriend, to be quite honest. I thought you didn’t mind? I thought you didn’t like me like that?

Just tell me what went wrong so I can fix it, ok? I am begging you. I need you. I need your friendship and your thoughts and your words. Just answer me.

x

When Chris finally stumbled into the Shelves later that day, half-drunk after having Dianna over and downing several shots of tequila to stop himself from shaking after posting the article on his LJ, he was looking forward to sobering up in the quiet and peaceful dimness of the shop, to being surrounded by books and lulled into sleep by the hypnotizing rustling of pages, and most importantly to the six-pack of _diet coke_ he had conveniently stashed behind the Self Help shelf.

He had turned his phone off as soon as he left the apartment and he was planning on leaving it off until the end of the day, because he just didn’t want to deal with Ninja’s shit anymore today. Today was about making cuts and drinking tequila and this spectacularly quiet evening at The Shelves. That was what he needed.

Needless to say Chris almost choked on his spit when he opened the door of the store and found himself in a middle of an impromptu Darren Criss concert.

The store was _full of people_ and Chris had to grip the doorframe so he wouldn’t pass out. God, his head hurt and his skin still tingled from the leftover alcohol in his blood and all he wanted was to turn around and go back to bed. But then he saw something that stopped him.

Darren was sitting on a stool by the counter with a guitar in his lap and he looked like somebody killed his puppy.

“What have you done to him?” Ashley spat out five minutes later as soon as she managed to corner Chris, which wasn’t difficult since he was already standing in the corner. There was a Dirty Dancing joke in there somewhere, but Chris wasn’t about to crack it. Not today. Chris gripped the can of coke firmly in his hand like lifeline, determined not to crumble under her death glare.

“What do you mean? He was perfectly all right when he left this morning,” he matched Ashley’s frown. Something _did_ feel off about Darren. He was sort of hunched in the chair, as if his whole body were aching, curled into himself, and there was an edge to his voice when he sang that made Chris’s heart stutter in a very alarming way.

Ashley put her hands on her hips.

“Well he’s been sitting here playing all the sad ballads Glee ever covered and I’m pretty sure I saw him tear up at onr point. It has to be you! What have you done?” She demanded to know.

And then a really unpleasant thought occurred to Chris: Darren probably already checked his Friend List. He must have known about Ninja’s demise, then. Chris bit his lower lip.

“Fuck,” he cursed and turned to Ashley, guilt written all over his face. “This is my fault,” he said. “I screwed up. But it was the only way.”

“Ok, so what you’re trying to tell me here… is that you broke up with Darren? And he came here to your workplace to throw a gig because he’s what… some sort of secret emotional masochist? Also _are you drunk_?”

“No, I didn’t… Ninja did… or… hell, no, he didn’t, ok, they, I mean we weren’t even dating, so it wasn’t a break up, ok? And yes, I’m a little drunk, so what?! Also I’m actually the emotional masochist here, apparently,” he added, looking at Darren, who was taking a tentative sip of a water in-between songs, and fuck, his eyes were all glassy and his face was flushed like he’d been crying before.

“But you and Darren are dating,” Ashley pointed out, making Chris’s heart jump violently in his chest.

“I know, which is why being super secret personal penpals with Darren under a secret identity feels like I'm cheating on myself with Darren.”

“You do realise that sounds weirdass crazy,” Ashley pointed out, poking Chris in the chest with her index finger.

“I do. I really do, believe me, I just really needed to stop doing this thing when I’m pretending I don’t actually know what his face looks like when he comes or that I know that he knows that I am a guy and that he loves that I am a guy and that he loves my dick and my hips and knees and…” Chris paused, feeling a blush creeping up his cheeks. “...you know what I mean,” He finished. "He knows virtually nothing about Ninja, but Ninja knows everything about Darren… but he doesn’t know that. Ninja is literally nobody to Darren."

Ashley's eyebrows shot up again.

"Obviously. Which is why he's all heartbroken over losing him."

"But he didn't lose him," Chris huffed out in frustration. "I am Ninja. Ninja is me."

"He doesn't know any of that, though," Ashley sighed. "You fucked up, Colfer."

"I fucked up. I really really fucked up," agreed Chris.

"Ashley," he looked up and stared into her blue eyes that held no sympathy for him. "How do I fix this?"

Meanwhile, Darren smiled at his audience, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“So this will be my last song today,” he paused, his eyes seeking Chris in the tiny crowd. “It’s a very important song that I wrote for some very important people. It’s not quite finished yet, so I hope you’ll excuse the fact that I’ll be whistling my way through a lot of parts... I’m also not hundred percent sure I’ll remember all the words, but that shouldn’t be anything new if you’ve ever been to any of my gigs at the Law.” Darren winked and some people in the audience giggled. Darren started plucking out the melody of his song.

THE song. Chris’s breath hitched in in his throat.

 _My life is a,_  
 _series of actors changing places,_  
 _except there's no back stage_  
 _and there's no place for me._  
 _It's okay though,_  
 _the jokes on the television_  
 _make me laugh, remind me that it's okay_  
 _not to have a backstage door or place to hide._  

_Well I've got dinner on my plate,_   
_got my paycheck yesterday._   
_How great, how cool._   
_I've got places, I've got Friends,_   
_I've got Joey, Ross, and Chandler, then.._   
_there's you._

It was beautiful. The melody was charming and stunning and the words felt so familiar and poignant. Chris’s pulse quickened as Darren whistled through the chorus, knowing that whatever words would end up there would probably be the most important ones, which was why Darren took so much time with them. Chris rested his head against the wall and sighed, listening intently, just as Darren’s voice smoothly slid into another verse.

_Oh, shoes and jackets,_   
_purses and tennis rackets,_   
_make their way as they please,_   
_in those SUVs to the country club._   
_I don't play much,_   
_but I do enjoy having the ball in my court,_   
_and what's more,_   
_I like playing, for love._

“Is it about you?” Ashley whispered, never taking her eyes off of Darren.

Chris took a shaky breath.

“It’s about both of us. Me and Ninja. It’s about Darren coming into the city and finding his place here. And now that’s all screwed up, because I screwed it up. Ashley, I just, it’s been driving me crazy, you know. Being thr… I mean two different people, both experiencing Darren in their own special way. I want it all. One big experience, ok? I want all of Darren to myself.”

Ashley’s frown deepened.

“And has it ever occured to you that it would be much easier to tell him the truth?”

“ _No_ ,” Chris shook his head so vehemently he got a little dizzy in the process. “That option is a no-go, Fink, forget about it, all right? He’d never speak to me again.”

Ashley pursed her lips.

“I just really don’t understand why you haven’t told him from the start, Chris.”

Chris sighed.

“I had no way of knowing we would get together, Ashley. That would be like… crazy, ok? Hell I didn’t even know we would see each other again after we first met here. I didn’t know I would literally fall in love with the clown one day… and then I was too deep to stop. Tangled in it like a fucking fly in a spider’s web, and Ashley, this is no joke, because lately I’ve felt like there is a massive spider coming my way wanting to eat me for dinner. Stopping Ninja felt like the easiest solution. Darren doesn’t know anything about Ninja, Ashley. No. Damn. Thing.”

Ashley cocked her head to a side.

“Which is why he’s literally heartbroken right now, right?” she sighed. “Colfer, you fucked up.”

“I fucked up,” Chris nodded. “But I’ve got a lifetime to make it up to him, Ashley. There is no way he won’t forget about Ninja. Ninja was just a blogger. I’m the real me. He likes _me_.”

It almost sounded convincing, didn’t it.

_But I've got arms and you've got legs,_   
_together we've made some mistakes._   
_But hey, we're doing well!_

_Well I've got reason to believe,_   
_in the power of you and me to break,_   
_this spell..._

The funny thing was… Chris didn’t want to forget about the connection he and Darren had when he was Ninja, either. Deep down he knew that Darren _knew_ Ninja. Ninja was a part of Chris he didn’t let out for many people to see. There was a reason he kept his blog a secret from most people he knew. From many of his friends, even. Dianna was actually the only one who read it regularly, as far as Chris knew, and that was only because she was the nosiest person to ever walk the earth. It was personal. It was like slashing his heart open and letting people see _everything_.

Ninja was his heart. Ninja was Chris, stripped of all the shells and shields and fucking layers. And now he was gone. 

x 

**NEW MESSAGE**

**From:** Purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** raphael.jpg

 **Subject:** It’s been three hours

and it seems like you’ve disappeared from the internet forever already. You’ve always been so quick to answer my messages. I guess my only luck is that you haven’t actually deleted your LJ, so I can write you here and hope that you’ll read these one day. Please read these one day? For me?

You said you were happy for me when I found Chris (yes, that’s his name). He’s important to me and I can’t imagine being without him at this point. But you’re important to me as well, Ninja. You’re fucking vital to me, ok? So don’t do this to me.

Don’t make me turn LA inside out to find you. Because I’ll do it if you don’t write back. And yes, that’s a definite threat. I’m not even kidding. I don’t care if you’re a boy or a girl or an octopus, I don’t care if you’re the garbage man. I care about the fact that you’re my friend.

I want my friend back.

x

Ashley and Darren were looking at something on the internet, whispering to each other in excited voices and Chris was sipping his diet coke miserably by the counter, when the door suddenly opened and before Chris managed to stand up and announce that they were already closed for the day a person flew through and literally cannonballed into Darren from behind, making him squeal in surprise.

“Joey?” Darren said when he finally managed to turn around in the cannonball-guy’s arms, his whole face lighting up like a christmas tree. “Joey!” He yelled again, jumping at him and wrapping his legs around his waist like a baby monkey.

x

**NEW MESSAGE**

**From:** Purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** raphael.jpg

 **Subject:** Joey

So, my best friend is in the city and it feels like somebody wrapped me in a blanket. I missed the dweeb so much. He’s been nagging me about trying to find out who you were for weeks, you know. I never really paid attention to his nagging, because I was content with having you here. In your messages. In your words. But you’re not here anymore, are you. You’re gone. And I need you to be back. To be not gone.

x

“ _Ahem ahem,_ ” Ashley fake-cleared her throat loudly, no doubt reminding Darren that they weren’t alone.

“Oh, right,” Darren smiled so wide Chris’s heart skipped a beat, because dammit, he wanted to make him smile like that _all the time_.

Joey was probably the weirdest-looking man Chris has ever seen in his life. Not necessarily in a bad way, though. All of his features were a bit odd by themselves, but if you put them together - they worked. The most important thing about Joey’s appearance were probably his eyes, which reminded Chris of labrador retrievers, which was probably why Joey and Darren were such great friends.

“This is my boyfriend, Chris Colfer,” Darren put his hand on the small of Chris’s back and Chris found himself wishing it would stay there forever.

“Hey, dude,” Joey smiled at him, patting him on the shoulder. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“It’s probably all true, but I’m going to maintain my right to remain silent in case you decide to give me the ‘if you ever hurt him I’ll eat your intestines for brunch’ speech and use it against me.”

Joey chuckled.

“It was all good, actually.”

“Naturally,” Chris shot back immediately. “But you were still going to give me the speech, weren’t you?”

Darren laughed next to Chris, as did Ashley, who was looking at Joey all funny, as if he was a double chocolaty chip frappuccino, and Darren probably noticed as well, because he pointed his chin towards her, still smiling.

“This is Ashley Fink, by the way, Chris’s friend.”

It was as if the world stopped for a moment when Ashley’s and Joey’s eyes met and Chris’s eyebrows shot upwards when he watched them shake hands (which shouldn’t probably look as intimate as it did it their case). Chris was also pretty sure handshakes weren’t meant to last that long.

They’ve been standing there for a while now and Joey and Ashley still haven’t let go of each other.

“You alive?” He poked Ashley’s side with his finger and she didn’t even yelp like she usually did when he did that.

And then she said: “Dinner?”

“Oh, totally,” Joey beamed at her and finally let go of her hand.

“We can come too, right?” Asked Darren, but Chris could tell he was actually half-expecting to be ditched by his best friend on his first night in the city. This was getting slightly ridiculous.

“I guess,” said Ashley, still gazing into Joey’s eyes and Chris couldn’t suppress an eyeroll, before he looked at Darren in mock-horror.

“We created a monster.”

Darren giggled, the mirth almost reaching his eyes this time.

x 

**NEW MESSAGE**

**From:** Purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** raphael.jpg

 **Subject:** -

So I guess you’re really gone, then, huh?

I just think… I still think I deserve an explanation.

My song is almost done, by the way.

I’m going to have dinner with my friends and my boyfriend tonight and then I’m going to home to finish it.

The chorus still needs some work...

I hope you’ll get a chance to listen to it one day.

x 

Surprisingly enough, Chris ended up enjoying the dinner and not just because he loved Thai food. Since he didn’t have to worry about his Ninja-related issues for a while, thanks to leaving his phone off, he actually felt at ease. Which was liberating. Deep down, even though he knew he hurt Darren, Chris still hoped he’d done the right thing. The only thing he could, in his situation.

Chris’s heart sped up when he felt Darren’s hand take his under the table and he smiled into his Tom Yum, his skin tingling all the way down to his toes.

“There’s actually an entire tag on Tumblr dedicated to it,” somebody said and Chris literally jumped in his seat at the mention of the damned website.

“Huh?” He barrelled into the conversation, his head popping up. “Dedicated to what?” He asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know the answer.

Ashley rolled her eyes at him and turned back to Joey and Darren, who were actually hanging on her every word. And why did Chris allow himself to tune their conversation out again? Oh right, Darren’s thumb was caressing the tender skin between Chris’s fingers and his brain promptly sort of blanked out again, giving Chris all the replies he needed.

“It’s like a whole group of people who dedicate their time to finding out who the Glee actors are in real life,” Joey explained, finally taking mercy on Chris.

Chris almost swallowed his chopsticks.

“Isn’t that illegal?” He managed to cough out, desperately aware of Darren’s protective hand on his back as he wheezed.

Joey looked at him as if he was crazy.

“As if fans ever cared for any of that, buddy,” he shrugged. “They’re really good, though, like the CSI. They’re already pretty sure they uncovered who Finn and Rachel are. I bet it won’t be long before we know all of the actors’ identities. And get this, they seem to think the actors have also cover jobs here in LA, so it’s possible you guys have actually met them. Thy could be in every bad, every café, every music store... isn’t that, like, awesome?”

Chris blinked several times before speaking again, his voice coming out all squeaky.

“Isn’t that taking all the fun out of it, though?” He asked.

Ashley snorted.

“And you call yourself a nerd, Colfer? It’s the opposite! Besides, I’m about ninety nine percent sure the authors actually _wanted_ us to look for them the whole time. It’s a bit like a treasure hunt.”

“Ugh. Don't tell me you're actually a part of that group,” Chris shook his head. “You can’t just decide to ruin the fun! That’s like aknowledging that the mining ship in Red Dwarf was shot with a miniature model swinging on a string or admitting to yourself Lassie was played by more than one dog,” he pouted.

“I love you,” Darren suddenly mumbled next to him and Chris could swear his heart actually stopped at that moment. He turned to look at him and Darren was staring at him with sincere eyes, soft smile playing on his lips.

Chris swallowed, his throat suddenly awfully dry. He opened his mouth in a reply, but then the server brought out Darren’s Khao Mu Krop and set it down on the table in front of him and apparently _that_ was way more interesting in Joey's opinion than his best friend's declaration of love.

“Oh my god, that looks totally freaky,” Joey exclaimed, staring at the dish half-shocked and half-amused. “I feel like it’s watching me,” he added turning to Ashley for comfirmation, who cocked her head to a side, mulling it over.

“Do you think it’s like one of those paintings that always watch you wherever in the room you decide to stand?” She snorted. Then she pointed her finger at Chris.

“Hey, Chris, you should totally borrow my iPhone and add it to your creepy collection of date-y InstaGrams,“ She turned back to Joey, giggling. “Honestly, I don't even really want know how he does it without owning the damn app, but he always snaps pics of his dates' meals and puts them on his InstaGram account and it's like the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen a guy...“

And then several things happened at once:

Ashley trailed away, frowning in confusion as she noticed the look on Chris's face,

Darren's spoon fell out of his hand,

Chris momentarily lost his oxygen,

Ashley realised what she’d just said and her hands flied up to her mouth in shock,

Joey accidentally tipped his glass over and spilled his wine all over the tablecloth.

“Wait,” said Darren. “You’re…” and then his voice cracked and he fell silent as well.

Which was when Chris jumped to his feet and ran away to the restroom. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being so patient with me, lovely readers. This chapter turned out to be a lot of fun to write, so I hope you enjoy it. There is only one more chapter to go. Ugh, I can't believe I've been writing this story for over a year now. I'm so so chuffed you guys have stuck with me, which you have, obviously, if you're reading this note. Please do pop by [my tumblr](prideofportree.tumblr.com) and say hi, because I want to pretty much kiss all of your faces. x Terry

Darren ( **purpledinosaurs** ) wrote,

**Location** : San Francisco, CA  
 **Mood** : numb  
 **Music** : [Red](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zlot0i3Zykw)

**NO BACKSTAGE**

And so here I am. Sitting in my chair - the same chair I sat in at 14 composing songs for this girl I knew I could never have, because I had crazy curly hair and zits and sometimes peed in the shower... I’m looking out of my window - the same window I used to stare out of for hours back when I was supposed to do my arithmetics homework and was way more interested in the sounds coming from the outside; the distant buzzing of cables and the muffled thumping of music somewhere in a club nearby... I’m breathing in the smell of my mom’s cooking - the same smell that used to have all my friends come ‘round every Friday afternoon, because Filipino food is the best kind of food, because it’s served like you mean it... I’m holding my guitar - the same guitar I bought with my pocket money at sixteen - and it still smells like sweat, too much deodorant and high hopes. Or maybe it’s just the memory of the smell, because I doubt a piece of wood (however precious to me) could absorb all that...

Oh yes, I am home.

Back in San Francisco.

Now, you’re probably all like “WHAAAAT, Darren?” and “Why are you not in Los Angeles anymore?” and “Where THE HELL have you been for the last four weeks?”

First of all - I’m so sorry I haven’t been in touch. To tell you the truth, at one point I was actually thinking about deleting my LJ forever. I was just so angry. But then I changed my mind and decided to take a break for a while instead. And to run. From everything. From my work at the bar (by the way, Ryan, if you’re by any chance reading this, I’m so sorry), from singing, from the internet, from the people, from LA… And I run home. Straight to my mom, because ultimately, that’s what a guy like me does when life gets too difficult out of nowhere.

My mom is no nurturer, just so you know. She didn’t feel sorry for me, because she didn’t want me to feel sorry for myself. She just said “Darren, you take all the time. All the time you need, but then you get back up and fight for your dreams.” And so that’s what I intend to do, eventually - mostly because going against my mom’s words is like digging my own grave.

Fighting for your dreams when your heart is broken feels like running with concrete shoes on. But you know what? When all this is over it might be JUST what I’ll have needed to fight even harder. Retrospectively, of course. Right now I still feel too much like shit to be certain.

So, that was the pep talk and now I have some explaining to do… and while I realise that it is never classy to wash your dirty laundry in public, especially when you know for a fact that the other person will probably hear it (or see, in this case), I owe it to you and a little bit to myself as well to do it. And believe me, this laundry is exceptionally dirty. There are ketchup stains and curry stains and blood stains and grass stains and all that other crap you never get out of the fabric anyway so it’s just better to throw the clothes away and buy a new set. That’s how dirty it is...

...and, ok, that was probably enough metaphors.

So I take it you all probably remember my boyfriend, right? The bookstore boy? Yeah. Well, turns out that sometimes people - and that includes people who you think are the most genuine of all the people you’ve ever met - aren’t what they seem. And it’s funny. It’s funny, because this actually involves **two** of the most genuine people I have ever met (or so I thought). Two people that have come to mean so much to me. So much that I decided to write a song just for them. And I poured my heart into that song. And I shared so much with those two people. And… Jesus, it’s still hard for me to wrap my head around it properly… but turns out Ninja, THE Ninja, the person from the internet who’s always been an incredibly meaningful bunch of pixels in a form of a blinking cursor on the screen to me, IS actually the bookstore boy. My boyfriend. My boyfriend Chris (and yes, that’s his name, have I ever mentioned his name before?).

Turns out they’ve lied to me the whole time. Or *he*’s lied to me, rather, to be accurate. And the truth is, it’s been four weeks and I am still at loss about what to do with this whole mess. At first I was angry, but then I just… sort of stopped. And now I’m home with this ridiculous hole in my chest and I’m not really sure what to do. I feel numb, mostly, to tell you the truth. The only thing I do know is that I have to finish my song. Whatever course it decides to take.

Because I owe it to myself.

**Tags:** the adventure continues

~6 comments~

x

**rainbowspy**

I’m not sure what to say besides THANK GOD YOU’RE OK. Answer your fricking texts, D! Joey has been so worried we had to stop him from biking all the way to SF on Curt’s bike. You really don’t want that. Or mostly Curt doesn’t want that cos that bike cost him like ...a lot, apparently. Also Ashley doesn’t want that because apparently they’re a thing now and she’d have to come with him, which means her best friend would have to come too and you know who that means...

ANYWAY when are you coming back???? Text me!

P.S. the guinea pig misses you like crazy. and by guinea pig I also mean your boyfriend.

P.S. 2 You seriously need to come home, D, it’s Glee’s season finale tonight! You’re not going to make me listen to it on my own, are you. Or worse, with Ashley, who is physically incapable of detaching her mouth from your best friend. SEND SMOKE SIGNALS OR SOMETHING.

.

**Crissian90**

HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE

W H A T

DARREN

I AM ACTUALLY DRY-HEAVING RIGHT NOW. THIS SHIT MAKES APPROXIMATELY ZERO SENSE.

PLEASE PM ME SO I KNOW YOU’RE OK.

HONESTLY I’M SO UPSET

.

**Crissian90**

ALSO WELCOME BACK HOME

.

**anonymous**

put the Taylor Swift down and slowly back away from the stereo or I swear to god I will come upstairs and wrench the CD out of your cold dead hands

.

**anonymous**

also mom made pie so come out of your cave or I’ll eat it all by myself

.

**anonymous**

it’s chuck, by the way

x

The entry hadn’t been up for 5 minutes and already Darren received 6 comments. He raised his eyebrows at the number before clicking the link. He smirked at Chuck’s messages (it figured at least half of the bunch would be from him) and rolled his eyes before typing up a quick reply.

.

**purpledinosaurs→anonymous**

as if dad would ever let you - you know how serious he is about mom’s pie

.

Darren made it a point to ignore Dom’s super-long comment, because _seriously_? Granted, he did feel a little bit guilty about not answering everybody’s worried texts, but the truth was he had put his phone on the charger and shoved it under his pillow the minute he came home, too scared to look at it in case Chris texted or called him. Now that he thought about it, Chris probably wasn’t the type to send desperate texts. He was too cool a person for that. Too proud a person. He was also a lying liar and Darren honestly wasn’t sure he could ever touch his phone again knowing it contained all the old texts he’d sent him. Everytime he tried to think about their relationship all he could see were giant question marks and all he could taste on his tongue was sheer bitterness. He honestly couldn’t see a way out and so he decided not to think about it for now and focused at Jo’s comment instead, which made him smile sadly.

He stared at it for what felt like hours before suddenly coming to a decision and clicking the little envelope in the upper navigation panel. He winced a little as his eyes lingered on the pile of old messages he had exchanged with Ninja ( _or_ _Chris_ , his mind supplied helpfully) and briefly entertained the thought of deleting them all before shaking his head and pulling up a New Message form instead. After all, Ninja was hardly the only person on LiveJournal he could talk to.

x

Couple of hours later and Darren couldn’t believe he’d been back in San Francisco for so long and yet the thought of meeting up with Jo only occurred to him now.

Turned out she was exactly what he needed. She was the proverbial slap in the face that breaks you out of unconsciousness. Or a bucket full of icy water. Ok, a bucket full of icy water may have been more accurate when it came to describing Jo. A cute bucket, of course. Dark skinned and wavy haired and big smile-d. She was a force of nature, though, to put it mildly. In a funny way, she was _exactly_ the same in real life as she was on the internet - sincere, loud and a little bit obnoxious (but in a good way). She had listened patiently to Darren’s whole story, covering her mouth with her hands in all the appropriate places so she wouldn’t startle the other costumers of Philz Coffee with her high-pitched shrieks. When he finished, she stared at him for a while and then she picked up her glass of red and took a generous sip.

“I’m gonna repeat myself,” she said slowly, setting the glass back down and joining her hands by the tips of her fingers, “but this shit makes approximately zero sense.”

Darren let out a breathy laugh.

“I wish it was a joke,” he admitted, his hands going to his already tousled hair. “To be honest I’m still kind of hoping it was a prank, but at the same time, everything makes so much more sense now. Ninja being so anal about his privacy. Chris being so distant, sometimes. The cat stories...”

“Cat stories?” Jo raised one dark eyebrow questioningly.

Darren smiled against his will bashfully.

“Yep. I should have known right then, you know. But I haven’t met _that_ many cat owners before and so I just assumed everybody’s cat stories were about the same - the judging looks, the scratching of the mattress while you’re trying to have sex on it, how they stare at you while you shower and it doesn’t matter there’s a curtain between you and the cat, Jo, believe me, it still feels really really awkward - stories like that.”

Jo rolled her eyes.

“Those do sound like standard cat stories if that makes you feel any less insane,” she patted his hand comfortingly. Then she narrowed her eyes at him. “Now tell me what you’re going to do, because I’m not going to lie, Darren, I need you and Ninja,” she clicked her tongue when Darren frowned at the nickname, “ok, _Chris_ , then, _jesus christ,_ I need you and Chris to get your shit together, because whatever happens, you two are still my favouritest people on the internet. He left LJ and you almost left LJ and I feel like everybody else is going to leave as well and… do you even realise you guys have a fanbase? We need you. In a completely non-creepy and non-stalkery way,” she added, albeit not very convincingly.  

Darren took a minute to think about it, fingering the handle of his mug of cocoa (Phil brought it to him as soon as they entered the café and gave him a look that was so full of pity Darren’s stomach actually _flipflopped_ ). Finally he looked up into Jo’s sincere face, sighing.

“I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet,” he said. “I want to stay here for a little longer and finish my song… I’ve decided to call it _No Backstage_ , because there is no way this is going to be a happy song anymore… and then I should probably go back to L.A. and face the music, so to speak.” He scrambled his hands over his face.

“Are you honestly going to ruin the whole song because of what happened?” Jo asked seriously. “I got the feeling like this song meant a lot to you.”

Darren shrugged.

“It’s not like people don’t make money off break-up songs,” he half-joked. “I’ve spent the last four weeks playing Taylor Swift on repeat.”

Jo sighed.

“ _Men._ You can’t reason with them, can you. I’m glad you’re going back to L.A., though,” she said. “Even if I’m super-glad you sent me that PM and that I was finally able to meet you face-to-face.”

Darren beamed at her, but his face quickly fell again.

“I had a good job down there, you know. Being a singing bartender obviously wasn’t my career of choice… but it was great. I loved it, even.” He huffed in frustration. “God I think I need to get drunk.”

At this Jo actually cheered.

“Brilliant! Let’s get wasted. You think we can do it here?” She looked around as if she expected Phil to rush to their table and give them a lecture on proper behaviour in a café. Darren chuckled.

“I know the owner and I know for a fact that he’s got some _good stuff_ back there, you know, besides alcohol, if that’s what you’re into...” he looked at her pointedly.

“That was shady as fuck, Criss, but why not! In fact, that’s even better,” Jo exclaimed again, rubbing her hands together. “Now is there anybody else we can invite to our little sobfest?”

Darren made a face.

“Don’t call it that. But yeah, actually, there is,” he pointed towards the neighbouring table with his chin where Zelda, Darren’s oldest (in both senses of the word) fan, was deep into her game of picross.

Jo smiled and nodded.

“You’re on.” Then she cocked her head to a side, suddenly serious.           

“Did you really find out the truth about his identity right after you’d told him you loved him?”

Darren’s chest tightened.

“Did you think I just added that for a dramatic effect?”

x

**From: _Naya Rivera_**

_Where the hell are you?_

**From: _Naya Rivera_**

_No, seriously, where are you, your shift started two hours ago. I swear I will kick your ass if you’re late just because you can’t unglue yourself from your boyfriend._

**From: _Naya Rivera_**

_Fuck, Lea just told me what happened. Are you ok? Answer your fucking phone!_

**From: _Naya Rivera_**

_I will cover for you with Ryan, by the way,  don’t worry. But you’re coming back, Criss. You’re coming back and you’re taking all my shifts while I enjoy a lovely holiday on the beach._

**From: _Naya Rivera_**

_JSYK people are asking for you. You had some regular listeners here. Now this is just wasteful._

**From: _Naya Rivera_**

_Just let me know when you’re ready. x N_

_._

**From: _Curt Mega_**

_I hope you’re all right. Let me know if you need me to beat somebody up for you. You’ve seen my guns, right? My better half sends her love._

.

**From: _Dom the Rainbow Spy_**

_You need to come back! I can’t believe what happened! Ok tbh I’m not 100% sure WHAT actually happened, which is why you need to come back!_

**From: _Dom the Rainbow Spy_**

_So Ashley just enlightened me on the whole thing and HOLY CRAP. HOLY EFFING CRAP._

**From: _Dom the Rainbow Spy_**

_Just ring me if you need anything, yeah?_

**From: _Dom the Rainbow Spy_**

_BUT HOLY CRAP STILL. I mean Ninja. is. Chris. How could we be so blind???????_

**From: _Dom the Rainbow Spy_**

_Also as a good friend I need to discourage you from listening to anything Adele for the couple of upcoming weeks at least._

_._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_I know this is not my place to say anything, especially considering I’ve known about the whole thing for a while now… but believe me when I say that he is so sorry._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_He said he’ll respect your wishes and won’t bother you, but it pains me to see him like this._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_He’s a mess._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_And he’s sorry._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_He’s been just sitting in his apartment and marathoning Friends for the past four weeks without uttering a word to anyone._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_Like, he still comes to the store and stuff, but he just gets out of the way as soon as a customer enters. I think he’s actually gone mute._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_Or his heart is so heavy he can’t talk._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_Either way he’s a real wreck. Please don’t torture him for too long. I can tell he’s trying to give you time, but I know him and he won’t last much longer._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_He gives up on people who give up on him._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_Please don’t give up on him._

_._

**From: _Joey_**

_Should I have come with you?_

**From: _Joey_**

_Fuck I’m not being a very good friend, am I. Please pick up your phone._

_._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I know you’re probably really mad right now and I promise I’ll give you space._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Believe it or not, though, I can’t really go a long time without at least talking *at* you so I’m gonna text you for a bit. Bear with me._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I don’t expect you to text me back, obviously. It’s not like I’m kidding myself right now or anything._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I’m not much of a kidder in general, so..._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_First of all, I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t necessarily have to mean anything to you, but it still needed saying._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I’m sorry. I miss you._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I wanted to tell you, I swear, I just didn’t know how. At first it seemed so silly, so trivial, I don’t even know why I never said anything…_

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_No, that’s a lie, actually. LJ was the only place where I could be myself. Without the pressure of pretty much anything. I liked having that secret identity, you know. It was my thing. Nobody else’s business. I was literally a ninja._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_To tell you the truth, I didn’t see the point in telling you if we were just going to be friends. I never even dared to hope we could turn into something more even though I pretty much adored you from the start, as Ninja, as Chris, as all of me._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_But then it turned into something more and it was too late to tell you. You see? It was a catch-22._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_And you unshelled me, Darren. You made me want to be more open with people. With myself. With you. Ironically enough by unshelling me you made it harder for me to be honest about who I really was._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I’ve screwed up so so bad, haven’t I. Shit._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Ugh, I know it’s cheating, texting you all this, when this should be done properly, face-to-face, so that you can stop me while I exclaim “Please, Darren, just let me explain!” and storm out, like they do in the movies._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_But fuck, this is not the movies and I can’t really stop texting you now that I’ve started. You know how it is with me and writing._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I hope you come back to L.A.._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_You belong in this city. Even if we don’t work out in the end you can’t just throw away your dreams because of it._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_You’re so talented you make my knees buckle when you sing. And not just because you look gorgeous on the stage._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I realise I have no right to write you this but there’s a chance you actually lost your phone or st since you haven’t replied to anybody’s texts in over three weeks._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Maybe somebody stole your phone in a bar or something and is now reading these texts and cackling at how pathetic I am._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_In that case, hello, random thief person. It’s not very nice to steal phones, but I guess I’m one to talk what with lying to my boyfriend about my secret identity and all._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_That made me sound like I’m a secret agent or something. I’m really not, I promise. They wouldn’t take me to FBI. I can only do one sit-up at a time._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_On a different thought, fuck yes, I am a secret agent. Right now a van full of armed forces is coming to get you to your GPS location._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_That’s what you get for stealing phones._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Ok I don’t actually believe somebody stole your phone._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I don’t think you’re reading these either, though, because this is about my 100th text and you still haven’t turned it off.._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_It’s been exactly 22 days since we last kissed. Not that I’m counting._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I miss your lips._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Again, I realise I have no right to text you this. I’m sorry. Again._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_But then I’m really hungover right now so it doesn’t count._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_It’s not just your lips I miss, obviously. I miss your tongue the most, I think._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Your tongue in my mouth. And other places. I miss your hands on me. Your fingers. In me._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I miss your laugh and the way your hair tickled at the small of my back when you slid down my body._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I miss you filling me up._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I’ve been watching a lot of Friends lately. Isn’t this a bit like when Ross didn’t tell Rachel that he never annulled their marriage?_

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Because you know she forgave him in the end._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Please forgive me in the end. And even if I don’t deserve you as a lover anymore, please stay in my life. Ninja can’t possibly lose his Purple Dinosaur, that’s just wrong._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_We can just talk online if it helps. Pretend that we never met. That you don’t know who I am._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I could do that._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Even though it will be painful I can do that._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Today I found two dead flies and a cigarette stub in my coffee (I don’t smoke, fyi, but Dianna was here last night, apparently)._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_It made me think of you._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I know it’s not very poetic or romantic, but it’s the truth. I wanted to text you a story about how one of the flies wanted to take a sip of my coffee but fell in and then the other one came in for the rescue and then they reenacted the scene from Titanic with the cigarette stub._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Only they both died in the end so it was an alternate ending I guess. The director’s cut._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_“Draw me like one of your French wasps.”_

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I haven’t slept in days._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_I have a big day tomorrow. Not that you care, but yeah._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_May I make a wish? One request? In case you somehow happen to read this before next Saturday night?_

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_Please listen to the last episode of Glee this week. Grant me this one wish. Please. It’s all I want._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_There is one thing I never got a chance to tell you._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_So that’s all from me. Time to stop blowing up your inbox. Possibly forever._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_God I hope it’s not forever._

**From: _Chris Colfer_**

_xo_

**_._ **

**From: _Ryan Murphy_**

_Darren, give me a call when you’re ready, please, thank you, RM._

x

Darren thumbed his phone screen again sloppily, scrolling through the texts, his eyes suddenly welling with tears. What was Chris even trying to achieve by sending him all these? And why had he even fished his damn phone from underneath his pillow in first place when he’d been planning on not touching it until he decided what to do?

_Oh right._ He was high as a fucking kite and he wanted to order pizza.

He giggled to himself. It figured that he would read his texts by accident. And maybe this would be good for him, in a way. For one, he owed Naya, in the least.

He sat down on the edge of his bed, gripping the phone determinedly, although his vision was swimming a little.

x

**To: _Naya Rivera_**

_So sorry. Am in SF. Will let you know when coming back down. Could you find out if I still have my job?_

.

**To: _Joey_**

_Not a bad friend just in love. We’re ok. Am in SF smoking weed with Jo and Zelda. Will call you later, too hungry to talk._

_._

**To: _Chris Colfer_**

_You have some fucking nerve texting me about flies and thieves and being generally cute as fuck._

**To: _Chris Colfer_**

_If I were sober right now I would continue to not text you, jsyk. This is the marijuana texting._

**To: _Chris Colfer_**

_Now that’s a funny image. Imagine the plant tapping away on an iPhone with its little green hands._

**To: _Chris Colfer_**

_You know what, no, you don’t deserve cute stories. Delete the last text RIGHT NOW._

**To: _Chris Colfer_**

_Fuck I’m so high. It feels really nice._

**To: _Chris Colfer_**

_I’m really mad at you, Christopher Paul Fucking Colfer, if that’s even your real name._

x

He was just about to tap up more when the door of his room flied open.

“Where the heck are you, Criss? We want our pizza!” Jo demanded in a hushed voice, careful not to wake up the whole house. “You’re holding your phone,” she observed, her eyes narrowing.

“That’s what you do when you’re about to make a call,” he slurred matter-of-factly. “I definitely wasn’t about to text Chris or god forbid call him, no no no,” he added, biting down on his lower lip.

“Give me that,” she snapped, snatching the phone out of his hand. “No more texting for you until you’re completely sober. _I_ will ring the pizza place,” she added.

Turned out pizza really was a good idea.

Darren focused on chewing, relishing in each bite, while Zelda and Jo scrolled through his messages, whispering to each other.

“Oh, Darren,” sighed Jo when they finished reading what Darren supposed were Chris’s texts. He shrugged. What-fucking-ever.

“When’s that Glee thing on, anyway?” Zelda asked, pushing her giant glasses up her nose. “We should definitely tune in if your loverboy says so.”

Darren frowned.

“Don’t call him that. And no we shouldn’t. I’m not just going to do it because he _says_ so. He doesn’t even _like_ Glee, for god’s sake!”

“Unless that was a lie, too,” chimed in Jo.

Darren shot her a dirty glare.

“You’re not helping the situation.”

“Look, I don’t care if he told you to listen to it or whatever, but Glee is my favourite podcast and it’s the season finale and I am not missing it!” Jo decided. “Now go upstairs and bring your laptop, I’m getting us some water. Also do you have anything else to eat, I’m still starving.”

Darren sighed in resignation.

“Do you ladies by any chance happen to like pie?”

x

Listening to Glee turned out to be as fantastic as usual and Darren soon caught himself getting lost in the familiar voices, stories and music. Things were looking up for all the characters, really. Rachel and Finn were practically a done deal by this point, Santana got a solo in a competition, Sam and Quinn got caught making out in the boy’s locker room and Kurt, Darren’s favourite character, decided to transfer schools so he could finally be himself and get away from the creepy jock who had threatened to kill him. Of course there was a heartbreaking moment in the McKinley choir-room when he took a word and announced this fact to his friends, which made Jo sob on Darren’s shoulder, but then Kurt sang the most amazing stripped down and slowed down [cover of Katy Perry’s Firework](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0R9G13o7y8), which had them all dry-heaving and clapping like crazy even though they knew the actors couldn’t hear them. All in all, Darren was glad Jo and Zelda had convinced him to tune in for the episode in the end.

But, like, why did _Chris_ want him to listen to it, of all people?

“And now for the second half of today’s program,” said Rachel in an excited voice and Darren smiled. “Our phone line is all ready for you, dear listeners, so do get in touch, talk to your favourite character and have them sing a song for you. And by favourite character I mean myself, of course,” she added.

“Sit down, hobbit,” snapped Santana. “I think we have our first call!”

_“Hi, my name is Chris Colfer.”_

Darren suddenly felt like somebody punched him in the stomach. Was this seriously happening?  

“Hello, Chris!” All the characters answered at once.

“There’s no fucking way,” Jo whistled next to him.

_“Yeah, hi, I’m…”_

Darren gripped Jo’s hand in his when he heard Chris choke up a little.

_“I’m calling to say sorry to someone, actually.”_

“That’s absolutely fine, Chris,” said Finn. “Although I do find freshly baked cookies to be the best kind of apology, have you tried that?”

Chris chuckled sadly down the line.

_“I haven’t, but I don’t think I should, considering my experience with baking.”_

Darren smiled at the memory.

“I could help,” offered Rachel.

_“That’s fine, thank you, Rachel. I’d rather stick with apologizing on the air with the whole nation listening to me, obviously.”_ He chuckled again and it sounded a bit hysterical. _“Darren, I hope you’re listening right now. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to do or say before you come back, but please, come back, yeah?”_

Darren stared at the laptop, his brain frozen for the time being. He still couldn’t quite process that Chris phoned in like this. That he phoned _Glee._ That was such an un-Chris thing to do Darren wasn’t sure whether he should be laughing or be mad.

_“I just…”_ Chris continued. _“Listen, Darren, I think this will be all more clear if I say it with a song. I have actually talked to Kurt before I got on the air and he agreed to sing it for me. For you, I mean, so… yeah. Please… just… **please**.”_ And then the line disconnected and Darren was still staring at the laptop, his mouth wide open.

“Did that really just happen?” Said Jo, her voice catching.

“Thank you, Chris and hello, again, Darren.” That was Kurt’s voice now, ripping Darren out of his haze. “So I really _have_ talked to Chris earlier today and believe me when I say he is _so so_ sorry. He told me to sing this song for you. I hope you like it.”

Darren’s breath hitched.

[As soon as the first ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNof34A6A_U)plucks of the guitar strings reached his ears he thought he was going to throw up.  He sat and listened on and he continued gripping Jo’s hand like a life-line. In the corner of his eye he could see Zelda swaying to Kurt’s voice, which sounded surprisingly raw and real, and that was all for Darren.

_._

_I just called to say I love you._

_And I mean it from the bottom of my heart._

.

The song ended and Darren had barely any time to recover from what he’d just heard when his phone started ringing on the kitchen counter.

“Should have left it under your pillow,” grunted Jo, but followed him with her eyes as he got up and almost on an autopilot walked towards it anyway, her eyes wet with tears.

“RYAN MURPHY CALLING” announced the display in big black letters. Well fuck. Maybe now was the time to face _all of the music_ , after all. He picked up.

“Ryan, I am so s-”

_“Hello, Darren, listen, do you have a minute? I have an offer for you...”_


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inhale. Exhale. Here we go, people. This is the last part of this ridiculous story.  
> I was originally going to apologise over and over in my notes until my fingers were raw, but I'm actually really glad it's taken me such a long time to get this ending out, because I really like it now. And it was finishing my NaNoWriMo project that actually made me feel confident enough in my writing to finally finish it tonight. I hope you enjoy it and that the ending is satisfactory and worth the long wait.

Chris was sitting on the kitchen counter, wearing nothing but a tattered pair of boxers and an old Avengers t-shirt with several stains on both the front and the back. He was staring a hole into his phone (common practice these days) when there was a sharp knock on the door.

“What?!” he called out in a raspy voice, his eyes narrowing in annoyance. Couldn’t one even wallow in peace anymore? (Also, jesus, four weeks post-break up and he’d already turned into a grumpy old man?)

“Open up, you ass, I’m bearing gifts,” Dianna’s voice rang from outside and Chris felt his shoulders relax immediately.

“Kinda hoping they’re the liquid kind, Di, not gonna lie,” he chuckled darkly as he pulled the door open, revealing her slight frame dressed in an oversized black sweater, leggings and high heels.

“Is there any other kind?” one of her well-groomed eyebrows arched into a perfect inverted V as she raised her hands, a bottle of tequila in each. She nudged the door shut with her hip and gave Chris a proper once-over.

“Jesus, Colfer, when was the last time you saw the sun? Or shaved? Or had a decent shower?”

Chris crossed his arms over his chest self-consciously, resisting the urge to run his fingers through his greasy hair.

“It’s Sunday Night,” he quipped defensively, pursing his lips. “I haven’t been expecting any company.”  

What he _had_ been expecting actually, were Darren’s roommates barging into his home and breaking his limbs, ever since his whole ~secret~ identity act blew up in his face. But nobody ever turned up to step on his puppy, throw eggs at his front door or put out a cigarette in his milkshake (regardless of the fact that he owned no puppies and drank no milkshakes). Dom had frowned at him for a total time of five seconds when he came to the store to collect his order of _The Complete Novels of Jane Austen_ along with _Guinea Piglopaedia: A Complete Guide to Guinea Pigs_ the other day, but in the end he had actually _hugged_ Chris and told him that he had always admired Ninja and that Darren would eventually come round. Chris chalked it up to the fact that he must have looked really pathetic with the big dark circles under his eyes and the unstyled hair. Similarly, Joey had stared at him sympathetically from Ashley’s lap while she talked Chris’s ear off about how it was bound to happen eventually and that he should be grateful it’s happened, because what if Darren never found out and they got married and had 5.6 children and then one day somebody whispered the truth into Darren’s ear during surprise anniversary trip to Mexico and he would be wearing a really embarrassing hat with little pom-poms dangling from it and they would break up and decide to get a divorce whilst riding a llama together and really, isn’t this just a much better option?

Truth to be told, Chris had lost track of the story somewhere around the 5.6 children he and Darren would have together, but still, he was grateful people didn’t hate him. That Joey didn’t hate him, even though he was Darren’s best friend... On the other hand, this all was quite insignificant in the light of the fact that the most important person _did_ hate him.

Also, turned out that losing the option of pouring one’s heart into the infinite loops the internet was way harder than Chris could ever anticipate. His fingers itched to open up a new entry and type every single day. He wanted to type it all out of him. The pain. The frustration. The fear. He couldn’t, though. Going on _LiveJournal_ would be like stepping into a hornet’s nest at this point. Everybody there knew what he had done. Everybody knew he was a liar. A douche. He could either decide to not use the internet for the rest of his life or he could create a new identity and start a new LJ… which just wasn’t even an option at this point. Because… what _was_ the point, exactly?

When he said all of that to Dianna, she eyed him sceptically from the armchair where she’d curled up with much more grace Brian could ever muster up.

“You need pull yourself together, is what you need to do,” she pointed at him with her cigarette and Chris followed the movement of her hand, fascinated by the fact that none of the ash managed to fall on the carpet as she gesticulated. “Stop brooding for a start,” Dianna stressed again, looking around the room and eying the mess and the takeaway bags and empty pizza boxes littering the coffee table as if it said everything that needed to be said about the situation (it did). But dammit, Chris had the right to do the post-break-up thing, even if the whole break-up was his fault.

“I can’t help myself,” he whined. “It’s not fair, you know. I have nowhere to put my feelings. I’m a writer. I need to get it out in words. Darren has it easy. He’s a musician, he can Beyonce through it. I used to blog about it. Now I don’t have that, so I have to brood, instead. Excuse me if it in any way spoils your perfect image of my person. Everybody there hates my guts, I’m pretty sure.”

Chris felt something painful twist inside his stomach. Being hated by people was probably one of the worst feelings he’d ever encountered. It was in fact the exact opposite of what he’d been trying to achieve in life, by playing Kurt on a radio show, by giving people someone to identify with, someone brave and lovable. Being hated, even as a Ninja, as Chris, the bookstore boy, felt like he’d let himself down.

“I’m sure they don’t hate you, C,” said Dianna and reached over to touch his shoulder comfortingly. Chris just shrugged her hand off.

“I think they do, actually. One of my readers… or should I say _former readers_ now, sent me this really long comment on one of my older entries and it was just… it was _bad_. You wouldn’t think messages from anonymous people on the internet wouldn’t hurt you, but they do.”

“Well, make a new blog then!” Dianna spread her arms. “Easy peasy!”

Chris suppressed the urge to roll his eyes again.

“How very subtle. I’m sure nobody will notice.”

In all honesty, Chris was terrified of going online at this point..

“Then use a different platform. The internet is a huge place, C. I doubt people would go out of their way to stalk you on _Pinterest_ or _Google Plus_. Nobody even uses those any more," Dianna shrugged.

Chris suppressed a bitter chuckle.

“I guess you’ve never actually seen any online fan community in action, then. They’ve got eyes everywhere. They’ve got people everywhere. They would find me and they would shred me into pieces. Even on _Pinterest_. Hell, they would probably find me on _MySpace_ ,” he added grumpily.

Dianna sighed and stretched to put down her cigarette in an ashtray Chris hadn’t been even aware of owning.

“I guess you can always just admit that you’re a huge _Glee_ star and they will forgive all of your sins and kiss your ass instead,” she said, sticking out her tongue when she finished talking.

This time Chris really did laugh out loud.

“Oh yeah, sure, why not, and I can start looking for a new job, wait, actually, no, job ** _s_** , as well as new friends, and also a coffin, because Ryan would kill me. That’s a genius idea, Di, thanks, I think I’ll just stick with being single and miserable, but employed and alive. Besides, I think I could go to actual jail for breaking that contract.”

“Well at least you’d be happy for five seconds. Besides, I haven’t exactly noticed you being full of ideas of your own,” sneered Dianna, tucking a loose strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.

Chris muttered to himself something about some people being unsufferable Pushy McPushysons and took a swing from his bottle of tequila. His insides burned as the liquid slid down his throat, stark contrast to the general numbness of his body. He welcomed the feeling.

“You’re not wrong, Di,” Chris admitted. “I don’t have any ideas whatsoever. My head’s totally empty. I can’t think of _anything_ to do at this point. Nada. Zilch. Singing 80s hits live on the air and proclaiming my love to Darren is as far as I can go, you have to agree with me there. I don’t think there is anything more I can do right now.”

Dianna didn’t answer this time, which gave Chris certain feeling of satisfaction. On the other hand, it would’ve been nice if she had a solution.

“You know what’s the worst thing, though?” he sighed.

“Do tell.”

“The not knowing. I mean, you were there the other night. I sang him a song. I told him I loved him. On the actual air. I wrote him like a gazillion texts.”

Dianna nodded.

Chris closed his eyes, his stomach flipping.

“I never told anyone I loved them before.”

Dianna nodded again, somewhat more sympathetically.

“He replied in the end, though, didn’t he?” she asked softly.

Chris shrugged. The whole thing had been weird. It didn’t sit well with him.

“He did… but he was high or drunk, I’m not sure which it was. Most of what he wrote didn’t make any sense. What I did get from it was that he wanted to be left alone for a while. I guess he _needs space_.” Chris raised his hands to make air quotes around the last two words, sighing. “I just wish I could explain it to him, you know. Nobody seems to understand why I never _told him_.”

Dianna raised her eyebrows, a hint of mirth glittering in her eyes.

“Well, why _didn’t_ you again?” she asked.

Chris buried his head deep into the couch, moaning into the cushions.

“Because it seemed like a good idea at the time?”

x

**NEW MESSAGE**

**From:** purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** harrypotter.jpg

 **Subject:** The thing is

You’re a very selfish person and I’ll tell you why: I have lots of friends.

The thing is

I’d never opened up to anyone as much as I did to Ninja. It felt so easy, so natural... we understood each other. He got me. And ironically, now that I need to speak to him the most, now that I need his advice, his slightly sarcastic but mostly helpful comments, I can’t have them. Because there’s no Ninja. There’s never been a Ninja. It’s just been you. Chris.

The thing is

you’re driving me crazy. You’re... confusing. I listened to _Glee_ like you wanted me to and I heard the song. I don’t know what to say to that, Chris. I don’t even know who you are, to be honest. Are you Chris? Are you Ninja? Neither? Either?

The thing is

I really need to talk about it to Ninja. BUT you took him away from me. You took away my boyfriend *and* my best friend at the same time, do you understand that? Do you understand how difficult this is for me?

The thing is

I don’t care who is who at this point. I just need… someone to talk to. So, what I’m going to do is I’m going to send you another message and you’re going to reply to it as Ninja. Because you owe me, ok?

(((The thing is

I have no idea who I am either at this point.)))

Darren

x  

**NEW MESSAGE**

**From:** purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** harrypotter.jpg

 **Subject:** Dear Ninja

Dear old friend,

How are things? We haven’t talked in a while and I have to say I’ve missed you a lot. I’ve missed pouring my heart out to you. You ready for a story? Buckle up, because it’s heavy stuff. Or at least, you know, medium weight. Smaller baby elephant tops.

Who would have thought life could be so damn complicated. It’s so simple when you plan it all out in your head, you see. Moving to LA, getting an acting job, falling in love, getting married, winning your first Oscar, having kids, playing a role of a prince in a fantasy movie, being inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, you know, the usual stuff everybody has on their bucket lists.

You know what they say about the best laid plans, don’t you.

Let’s see: I managed to do the first thing in the right order, so that’s good. That’s helpful, even. I moved to LA. Box ticked. Things went slightly downhill from there, obviously.

I didn’t get an acting job, but that was ok, because I got a different job instead, and I loved that job. I got to work on my music and I was happy. Truly happy, Ninja. I had my friends, I had music, I had you to talk to about ninja turtles and Game of Thrones... Oh and I fell in love. I fell in love so hard and fast that I didn’t even notice it at first.

And then things just stopped.

Sometimes, I think that the reason why love hurts so much is because we are still nursing our bruises from how hard we have fallen. And yes, hello, I’m *all* about the sappy comments, especially at the moment, so you’re gonna have to bear with me here, Ninja.

You know those movies where there are these two people who are obviously so perfect for each other and everybody knows it and everybody is really frustrated with them, because those two people are the only ones not noticing how obviously perfect for each other they are? I think it was a bit like that with me and Chris. It’s ridiculous, because once you actually do notice how perfect this person is for you you feel really silly for not noticing it sooner.

I noticed it this one afternoon. It wasn’t a particularly significant afternoon. Just an afternoon.  Thursday, I think. We were in Chris’s bookstore, which is where he works if I haven’t mentioned that earlier, getting new books out of boxes and putting them in the shelves, when he accidentally dropped one on the floor. It was a paperback copy of _The Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy,_ and he freaked out so hard when the book hit the floor he actually started apologising to all the characters from the book individually. At that point I had two thoughts. First, I was glad he didn’t drop a more character-heavy book, like _Harry Potter_ or _The Hobbit_ , because then we’d be there for days, and two, this man was *perfect* for me. I remember smiling so wide my face felt like it was gonna split in two. He thought I was laughing at him, you know, but really I couldn’t stop smiling because I was thinking about how great we could be together.

So that’s how I noticed. The rest is history, as they say. So yeah.

As you know, we’re not exactly together anymore, because of some stuff that went down recently. He lied to me, Ninja. He pretended to be somebody else and he let me pour my heart out to him and he never said a word.

What would you do? What would you do if you loved somebody so much your body felt like it was going to combust, but you simply couldn’t look them in the eye without feeling betrayed? How would you feel if you told somebody your deepest worries and secrets and they never gave you _anything_ back? How would you feel if you realised that your relationship had been painfully onesided the whole time without you even noticing because you were so deeply in love?

They say love is blind, but from my experience it’s also dumb, stupid and it lies. And what kind of love is that then, eh? I guess I just need your thoughts on this, Ninja.

I’m sorry about the word-vomit. I did write a song about this, but sometimes I just have so many thoughts not even a thousand songs could manage to contain all of them.

So, don’t be mad, please.

Write soon and please take care of yourself, yeah?

Darren    

x

**COMPOSE MESSAGE**

**To:** purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** mcgonagall.jpg

 **Subject:** Re:Dear Ninja

Dear Darren,

First of all, I’m sorry about not getting in touch sooner. As you said, the best laid plans…

...anyway, let’s tackle your issues first.

I can’t tell you what to do, but I know this: no one can predict the future and everyone fucks up from time to time. You need to think very hard from what I understand. Do you love him enough to forgive him? Do you love him enough to not remind him of it every time you have a fight?

Does he love you at least as much as you love him? You can’t possibly think your relationship was one-sided. That’s just ridiculous. You think anyone would ever consider dating you without being 100% in? Way too much work! Ok, no, I’m joking. You’re a special person, Darren. He probably fell for you much sooner than you did for him. He probably felt so fucking lucky to have you he was terrified of telling you the truth. He was probably scared of losing you. I’d think that would be obvious to everyone.

It sounds like he’s a very private person and I can identify with that. It’s hard to trust people if you haven’t met many trustworthy ones in the past. It’s always easier to hide and to protect yourself, because then nobody gets hurt. The thing is, sometimes even this can blow up in your face. Obviously.

I’m not trying to excuse what he’s done. On the other hand, I’m glad I have a chance to at least try and explain why it may have happened. The whole story sounds like a classic case of somebody trying not to get hurt and ending up hurting more people instead. What a silly dumbass.

But then.

We’re all human, Darren

...unless we’re all birds.

See you around and take care as well.

Ninja

x

**From: _Darren Criss_**

_Thank you for that._

**From: _Darren Criss_**

_I still need more time._

x

The _Shelves_ were completely empty that afternoon, thank god, because Chris really didn’t feel like dealing with people today. He was sitting on the floor between the _Self-Help_ and the _Horror & Thriller_ sections, staring at the dust lazily swirling inside the thin beams of light falling into the store through the half-shut blinds. It was weirdly beautiful and it calmed him down everytime he thought of Darren’s texts.

How come Darren still needed time? What for? To decide how to tell Chris that they could never see each other again? It’s been weeks. Surely there was no chance he would forgive him now. Anything he heard from the man was just pure torture at this point. Another twist of a knife. Chris closed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief, not even caring how pathetic he must have looked at that moment. How could he fuck it up so badly for himself? If only he could go back and change things… He scrambled his hands over his face. He missed Darren so much. His jokes, his hands, his hair. He missed the way he always held his mug with both of his hands like a baby when he drank as if he was worried he couldn’t handle it with just one. He missed the way he’d sometimes button his shirt all wrong in the mornings because he was just so excited to get up and do things. He missed the way his eyelashes would tickle his face when they kissed.

He missed the intimacy the most.

It was a good thing he was sitting far away from the section where they stocked the _Twilight_ Books, because he felt a bit like Bella Swan right now, to add an insult to the injury. It really did feel like there was a giant hole in his chest. Or at least a bruise. A Darren-shaped bruise. He’d never had a relationship like this one before. One that made Chris realise that leaving his shell and opening up to people could be a good thing. Great even. The problem was that once you open up to someone and they leave, you’re left still open and therefore vulnerable. With a hole in your chest. It’s like leaving a gaping wound open and expecting it to heal miraculously without scarring. Darren had turned him from Pinocchio into a real boy and now he was slowly changing back, his limbs becoming woden and his mind cloudy.

Chris sighed. He was fucking ridiculous sitting on the floor and feeling sorry for himself. The thing was, there was nothing else he could do. He couldn’t blog, he couldn’t go see Darren in the _Law,_ his friends weren’t exactly tripping over themselves to come talk to him, unless he counted Dianna… and so he was literally stuck. Stuck with a giant Bella Swan-esque gaping hole in his chest and images of Darren’s eyelashes in his mind.

What a mess.

And then, of course, as if the man had the sixth sense, Ryan Murphy walked through the door, hands in the pockets and his yellow hat firmly on.

“Isn’t one person a bit too few people to stage an intervention?” Chris raised both of his eyebrows when Ryan pulled a chair over to where he sat curled up on the floor.

“I’m not here to talk to you about your failed love life.” Ryan’s voice was stern yet somehow understanding. A weird combination, but it fit the guy.

Chris snorted, half bitter and half amused, and scrambled his hands over his face again, half-tempted to just claw all of his skin off. It wouldn’t matter anyway, he was a voice actor.

“I see how it is,” he rasped. “The fairy grandfather has left the building. What is it then? Did you come to take my bookstore from me because I haven’t sold any books this week? Because I’m prepared to beg. I’m already on the floor, you see.”

Ryan looked unimpressed, but crossed his legs and leaned forward to make sure Chris was listening to him.

“I’m here to talk about the next season of _Glee_.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Chris quipped. “Of course you came here to talk about the show.”

The funny thing was, he completely forgot about the show. It had always been such a significant part of his life, but ever since the season finale every time somebody said the name it just reminded Chris of Darren and singing Stevie Wonder and embarrassing himself in front of all of the United States of America… so he prefered not to think about the show whatsoever. To make things worse, it seemed that _Glee_ fans really liked the whole Stevie Wonder thing and were running campaigns on _tumblr_ of all places for Darren to forgive Chris. Which was ironic, because they had no idea who Chris was or what he looked like or even what he’d done to deserve to be dumped.

On top of that, people had apparently started writing fanfiction about Kurt being a matchmaker, never even realising he was matchmaking his actual voice actor with said voice actor’s ex.

“So, I’ve been working on the new season,” said Ryan. “We’re doing the first read-through at the beginning of August and I’m planning on trying out a couple of people for some new parts.” Ryan reached for his satchel and rummaged for it for a couple of moments before pulling out a small notebook bound in black leather.

“Ok…” Chris nodded. “And why are you telling me all this again, _Mr._ _Death Note_?”

Ryan looked up from the notebook, his eyes so piercingly bright Chris felt like they could see through his skin and insides right into his (black) soul. For a second he wondered if anyone ever told Ryan how creepy and Voldemort-y he looked sometimes and if this was the right time to mention it to him. It would certainly be a great way of avoiding talking about acting and singing as that was kind of the last thing on Chris’s still very heavily post-breakup-hazed mind at the moment.

“I want you to help me out with the casting.”

_Huh?_

“Why?” Chris cocked his head to a side, his eyes widening. Ryan couldn’t have been serious.

“Me, helping out with hiring new voice actors? I know nothing about casting except for that kind of casting they put on your limbs when you manage to break two bones in your foot while jumping on a trampoline or when you manage to chip your shinbone during a failed attempt at running the wrong way up an escalator! I know a lot about _those_.”

Ryan rolled his eyes and squinted at something in the notebook again, his long pale index finger brushing at the bottom of the page _._

“You know everything about castings,” he objected. “You’d auditioned for, what… _a hundred_ gigs, before I cast you?”

Chris frowned, crossing his hands over his chest in a defensive gesture.

“Couldn’t have been _that many._ Also, that’s so not the same thing and you know it. I’m ok with people judging _me_. It’s become something of a second nature, lately, you could say,” he chuckled bitterly, “but I can’t be the person who _does_ the judging. That’s not me.”

Ryan sighed.

“Look, the next season is going to be really different from what we’ve done so far with the show.”

“I feel like you say this every year,” Chris teased, but Ryan ignored him.

“We’re adding a couple of new settings and so the crew is getting bigger as well. There are so many things I need to figure out before we start and so many people I need to hire and I’m just  one person.”

“Are you sure? Because we’ve got a bet running on that.”

Ryan just continued ignoring him.

“You’re the only person I feel comfortable enough putting in charge of picking the right people. You’ve been on the show from the beginning, you know exactly what kind of people it needs to keep its spirit.”

Chris moaned.

“I’m not sure I feel comfortable about you feeling comfortable with me doing such important decisions! Why don’t you have Lea do it? Or Cory? Hell, I think even Brad Ellis the Piano Guy would do much better at the moment! I’m a wreck right now, if you haven’t noticed, Ryan.”   

Ryan rolled his eyes again and snapped the notebook closed before practically praying Chris’s fingers open and pushing it into his hand.

“Because Lea would only pick the pretty people, which is obviously a bit useless for a radio, and Cory would just hire everybody because he’s too much of a nice guy. I need someone with a clear mind for the job.”

Chris let out a hysterical laugh, his head hitting one of the _Self-Help_ shelves.

“‘Clear is like the last expression I would use to talk about my mind right now, Ryan. I’m so preoccupied with thoughts of Darren that I just can’t seem to think about anything else. It’s like a vicious circle of my personal Darren-shaped hell. It’s like trying to think about the colour orange in a middle of a room full of white things. It’s like standing in a volcano and not thinking about the magma, it’s just impossible! Besides, how do you know _I_ won’t only pick pretty people?”

Ryan gave him an odd look before reaching for his bag again and pulling out a can of Diet Coke. He pressed it into Chris’s other hand.

“You’ll be fine, Chris. Trust me on this.”

Chris stared up at him in surprise, not entirely sure what was happening. And to make things even weirder, for a fleeting moment he felt like he was able to detect a minuscule flash of sympathy in Ryan’s eyes.

“Anyway,” Ryan cleared his throat and briskly straightened up, interrupting the air of awkwardness that had just spread out between the two of them, “everything you need to know about the new characters is in the notebook. Just give it a proper read for me, yeah? I’ll get in touch with you about the actual auditions once you’ve thought about the types of people you’re gonna look for. I have a good feeling about this season,” he added before tipping the top of his yellow hat in goodbye. He was nearly out of the door before he turned around and his eyes zeroed in on Chris one last time.

“Oh and at least try to keep the pretence of being a real shopkeeper? I mean at least flip the OPEN and CLOSED sign over for me from time to time, ok? I’m sure there are still some people left in LA left who read.”  

Chris popped open his Diet Coke and took a generous gulp, glaring after his boss as he strolled towards his car.

Later that day, after Chris had closed up the _Shelves_ (and mumbled “I _am_ a real shopkeeper.” to himself as he flipped the sign back onto CLOSED aggressively) and spent one unnerving yet deeply satisfying hour hypnotising his phone in a hope that Darren might get back in touch with him (which he wasn’t gonna, because he needed _more time_ , although he hadn’t specified how much _time_ the expression _‘time’_ actually stood for, which Chris found really _really_ unfair) he finally picked up the black notebook Ryan had given him and curled up on the sofa with it.

The truth was, Chris did care about _Glee,_ more than he could ever admit out loud, and he was surprised how easy it was for him to just push everything else aside for a moment and give his full attention to the task at hand.

The list of new characters that were bound to appear in the new season was surprisingly long. There were of course some new glee club members, a couple of parents (including Rachel’s gay dads, who Chris was really stoked about when it came to the actual casting of the voice actors), new football coach and a crazy substitute teacher with commitment issues. It took Chris good two hours to get to the end of it, putting down notes every so often. When he finally flipped the last page and read the last name, his eyes instantly widened in excitement. Oh yes, he would have a _lot of fun_ casting that one. He giggled to himself and reached for his pen to write down at least a couple of names of hot actors that had immediately popped into his head upon reading the character description. Ryan was a fool if he thought his will was stronger than Lea’s when it came to saying no to beautiful men. But before he managed to put his pen to the paper, his phone unexpectedly chirped on the armrest.

Chris nearly tied his body into a knot as he twisted around and launched himself over to get to it as soon as possible.

He took a deep breath and swiped his thumb across the screen.

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_He’s back in L.A._

x

 **Ninja** ( **kindofaninja** ) wrote,

 **Location:** Los Angeles, CA

 **Mood:**  working

 **Music:** [Every Ship Must Sail Away](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGA-yqsA6E4)

**A NEW LEAF**

In other words, guess who’s back.

So, obviously, It’s taken me a long time to pluck up the courage and come back here after everything that went down. Also after I had said I wouldn’t ever come back, eh. Funny how that works.

But you know what? I am tired of hiding. I’ve spent my whole life hiding. From bullies, when they chased me in the school hallways, from my friends, when I was embarrassed about being a writer, from my parents before I came out, from my readers, from my beloved ones… and there are still things about myself that are either hard or plain impossible to reveal.

I know many of you hate me. But you know what? I apologised so many times I’m kind of sick of it by now. And I’ve been driving myself crazy with regrets and guilt and remorse… I can’t live like that anymore. I’m not going to give up this spot just because I screwed up. People screw up. And I was punished for it, ok? I lost my boyfriend, the first person I ever loved. That to me sounds like enough of a punishment, don’t you think? Karma’s a bitch, friends.

Here’s the deal. I’m moving on. Or trying to, at least. I have a fantastic job, an understanding boss and and I decided I’m not giving this place up either. This is my home. This is where I am free to be myself without inhibitions.

I’m coming out, in every sense of the word. I’ve been doing nothing but holling myself up in my apartment and burying myself in work for weeks now, and I’m finally ready to stop.

Hello, my name is Chris, I’m 23 years old, and I live in LA, California, where I moved couple of years ago from the horrid town of Clovis, California. I sell books. I’m a guy. I’m hella gay.

That’s it in a nutshell. I hope knowing this won’t change your opinion of me as a blogger, as it shouldn’t. I’m Ninja. I’m Chris. I’m both. I never lied to you about any of my misadventures in my entries. That’s me, ok? Ninja is me. The fact that I am also a guy named Chris who accidentally fell in love with an online friend IRL and was too much of a chicken to reveal himself doesn’t change that.

I’ve forgiven myself and it is now up to you whether you can find it within yourselves to forgive me too.

If you can’t forgive me, please unfriend me immediately, as there is literally no point in wasting both of our times on fighting about this any more. If you want to continue being my friend, you’re very welcome to that. I’ll be happy to see each and every one of you in my comment section. Needless to say I’ve missed you all dearly.

See you all very soon with some brand new entries! Peace out!

Ninja

 **Tags:** life lessons, PSA

~250 comments~

.

**Crissian90**

I’m so glad you decided to come back, sweetie! I have to say I admire your courage, because some people on here want to skin you alive. (DC has a quite a handful of protective fans, as you know. I’ve taken it upon myself to defend you and shut down all of their false impressions of you. After all, how can you judge someone without seeing the whole picture?) Take care. x

.

**arthurthedog**

You’ve come out of hiding! Brilliant! Does that mean we can go back to being bitter friends who drink alcohol together without talking about THE THING all the time now? You know my number, gorgeous ;).

.

**pleadingguilty**

*rubs hands*

.

**rainbowspy**

I would like to continue being your friend, please. And that goes for real life interaction as well. My guinea pig likes you, after all. Also, my guinea pig is pregnant, when are you coming over to check out the babies????

.

- _deleted comment_ -

.

**rainbowspy**

Please ignore the hater under my comment, Chris. What an asshole.

.

 **kindofaninja →** **Crissian90**

Jo, you don’t even know how happy it makes me that you’re still speaking to me, considering you’re probably Darren’s numero uno fan, right? That just warms up my heart. I don’t even deserve so much kindness, really. I hope the two of us can meet up one day, what do you say?

.

**kindofaninja → arthurthedog**

Di, never change.

.

**kindofaninja → pleadingguilty**

Ok, seriously, I’ve had enough of this. Who *are* you???

.

**kindofaninja → rainbowspy**

That means a lot, Dom, thank you. I’ll definitely text you one of these days and I would love to see baby guinea pigs! xox

Also, don’t feed the trolls, they’re pathetic. Plus, I can just delete those comments. I’ve heard much worse in my life.

x

**From: _Darren Criss_**

_Read your entry. Have you got time this Saturday? Playing in the Law. Would be nice to see you._

**To:** **_Darren Criss_**

_Of course y_

**To:** **_Darren Criss_**

_I mean yes. Sorry, fingers too fucking slippery._

**From: _Darren Criss_**

_Great. FYI, I’ve been meaning to tell you, the mysterious commenter on your LJ. I’m pretty sure it’s Ryan._

**To:** **_Darren Criss_**

_OMG it’s all so obvious now._

**To:** **_Darren Criss_**

_What time should I come?_

**From: _Darren Criss_**

_About 8 ish if you’re free? We play at half past._

**To:** **_Darren Criss_**

_I’ll be there._

**To:** **_Darren Criss_**

_Who’s we?_

x

Saying that Chris was trembling all over as he entered the bar would be an understatement. One would think that coming back to a familiar environment would put his soul in peace, but with _The Law_ it was just the opposite, because the place was so full of memories of his relationship with Darren he could barely take walking across the floor and slipping onto a barstool. He remembered the first time they met here, the first time he heard Darren play live, the first time they got drunk so hard Naya had to drive them home…

Chris looked around, squinting to see if she was around, when somebody patted him on the back from behind. His whole body tensed, all fibres of his body expecting to be slapped by this person, whoever it was.

“Yo, Colfer, is this seat taken?”

“Ashley,” Chris breathed out, turning around to greet his friend, waiting for his heart to start beating again. “You scared the living hell out of me!”

“Well good, because I could swear you haven’t been in touch with me in weeks, you ass!” she exclaimed, claiming the stool next to him. She was frowning at him from underneath her immaculate make-up and Chris felt a pang of guilt deep in his stomach.

She was right about him avoiding her lately. The truth was, he was just finding the ground under his feet again and being around familiar faces sort of negated that. Not that he didn’t love Ashley, of course. He’d missed her.

“I didn’t want to intrude, Ash,” he admitted, wishing he had a pint of beer so he could have something to do with his hands which he was now awkwardly twisting in his lap. “And I needed time,” he added, looking down.

Ashley was silent for a moment.

“I would have loved to help you through it, you know,” she said. “My relationship with Joey has nothing to do with you and Darren.”

Chris shook his head in frustration.

“That’s not true, Ash. I wanted to give you a chance to have that relationship without dealing with my crap for a while. You deserve to have that.”

Finally a pint of beer appeared in front of him miraculously and he latched onto it, gulping at least one quarter on the liquid in one swing.

“Whoa, slow down, Colfer,” Ashley shot him a lopsided smile. And just for your information,” she added, clinking her own pint against his, “that’s what friends fricking do, ok? They put each other above other things when they’re in shit. So next time you shut me out, I will shut your foot between the _Shelve_ s’ door, am I clear?”

Chris’s heart hammered in his chest as he nodded. There was no damn way he deserved Ashley as a friend.

“I’m so sorry,” he blurted out, feeling like a child when tears sprung to his eyes. “I’m trying to get back on track, but it’s been difficult. I missed you.”

“Aww, come here, you big girl’s blouse,” Ashley chuckled and they finally embraced. Chris felt like at least half the weight he’d been carrying around on his shoulders was lifted off.

“All right, all right, can I have some of the Colfer as well?” Naya’s voice rang from behind Ashley.

“Naya!” Chris gave her a genuine smile, not even squirming a little, when she enveloped him in a bone-crushing hug.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, Chris, because I don’t usually forgive people for not showing their faces here for so long. I almost forgot what you looked like!” she exclaimed, before holding him back at an arm’s length and giving him a proper once-over. “Yep, still cute,” she winked at him, squeezing his shoulder briefly, before letting go and sliding back behind the counter.

“So, Colfer,” she started again as she grabbed a random glass and started polishing it, “what brings you here tonight?”

Chris felt himself blush under their friends’ gazes.

“Darren invited me, actually,” he admitted, turning around nervously to see if he was already here. He couldn’t see him anywhere near the piano or at any of the tables, though, so that must have meant he hadn’t arrived yet.

“He’s backstage,” smirked Ashley, when she saw him scanning the room.

Chris frowned.

“Backstage? There’s no backstage in _The Law_ ,” he shook his head in confusion.

Naya laughed.

“Well there’s certainly one now, Chrissy-pie, this is why you should have come back a long time ago instead of pushing everyone away. Ryan has actually decided to turn this place into more of a music bar after Darren came back from San Francisco. See that curtain?” she pointed to the other side of the bar where Chris hadn’t even thought about searching for Darren. “They’re getting ready just now.”

There was a stage there, an actual stage that was much bigger than the tiny raised platform with the piano Chris was used to, and it was covered by a curtain.

“Wait, did you say _they_?” Chris frowned, his head whipping back towards Naya’s smirking face. This was something that had been bothering Chris ever since Darren’s text. Was Darren playing with someone now? Rationally, Chris knew he had no right to be jealous. Darren had been kind enough to invite him hear and extend an olive branch. Chris would be damned if he ruined the chance of becoming friends with him again. He needed Darren back in his life, that much he knew. He could worry about the rest later.

“It’s starting,” squeaked Ashley next to him, grabbing his hand.

When the curtain finally raised, Chris almost choked on his beer when he saw Darren _and_ Lea on the stage, Darren sitting on a stool with his guitar in his lap, Lea sitting on a stool next to him, smirking at the audience like a cat who got the cream.

“What in the-” Chris started saying, but Ashley nudged him painfully in the ribs and rolled her eyes.

“They’re a really stunning duo, Colfer. And stop being jealous, it’s not like they’re fucking up there.”

Chris scowled at her.

“I’m not jealous of Lea,” he said. “I was just surprised.”

Ashley laughed under her breath.

“Shut up,” Chris frowned, taking another sip of his beer and taking the opportunity to look at Darren as he turned his guitar.

He looked amazing. His hair was tousled, his cheeks were red from excitement, and he was wearing a pair of some really tight pants, which made Chris’s mouth water a little. When he finally raised his head and smiled at the audience, Chris’s heart gave a painful jolt in his chest. Christ, this was not gonna be easy.

“Hello, everyone,” said Darren, his voice just as knee-jerkingly smooth and deep as Chris remembered it. “We’re glad you could all make it,” he said. “I’m Darren Criss and this lovely lady here is Lea Michelle. You may know us from… um… here,” he grinned and the audience laughed in response. “Our set is gonna be short today, because this is an open mike night, as you know, and there are quite a lot of people who want to try their luck with you. We would like to dedicate this first song to a very special person today. I’m hoping he’s here. Just… listen to the words and we’ll talk later, ok?”

Chris was absolutely certain Darren was speaking about him. There was a hum in the audience as people looked around to see whom he might have meant, but luckily there was no way they could have known… Chris bit down on his lower lip, half-tempted to cross his fingers. Could this mean Darren wanted to give him another chance? Or at least be willing to talk to him? Chris kept on watching, his breath hitching, because Darren looked beautiful on that stage, and he yearned to touch him, to kiss him, to be with him again.

[Darren then started plucking out a tune on his guitar, nodding at Lea as they started singing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XH5EwNdgpQo).

x

**NEW MESSAGE**

**From:** purpledinosaurs

 **Userpic:** harrypotter.jpg

 **Subject:** So.

Dear Chris,

Wow, it already feels so weird to be writing to Ninja like this. To you, I mean. Cos you’re Ninja, of course. Ninja Chris. Chrisja. Oh man, this is going to be interesting. But I know I can get over this, that’s the main thing. I want you to know, that I heard everything you said. Yes, even the song on _Glee._ And I read your last entry and I’m glad you’re doing well. I’m actually doing quite well too.

We’re doing well.

That’s nice isn’t it?

I have some really interesting things lined up, although I’m still not 100% convinced whether I should go through with them. We’ll see how everything turns out.

It’s been a long time, Chris, and I’m not angry anymore. But you already know this, right? You heard that song Lea and I played for you. I meant every word, ok? I’m working on it. I’m still kind of hurt, but I understand you had your reasons for what you did. I had a lots of time to think about it in SF and then back here. And I’m not mad or sad any more, even if I’m not quite ready to go back to what we were.

I’m trying to say that I forgive you, Chris. /You can exhale now./

When I first came to LA and felt like a fish out of water in here, you were actually the only person - well two people at the time - who made me feel like I could do it. Like I could actually tackle this place and dream bigger than I’d ever dared to. And I know we always said you were the one who needed to be pulled out of your shell, but I recently realised you hadn’t been the only one that needed to be dragged out of darkness into the sun. You dragged me into the sun.

Your friendship and companionship has meant - no *means* much more to me than I could ever put into words. I know we already talked about this back at _The Law_ , but I want to start hanging out again, ok? Either like this, online, or in real life, or both, I really don’t care. I just really want you in my life in some way.

I miss my friends Ninja and Chris. Logically, Chrisja would be the right answer to my problem.

Please tell me we can do that. Even if I still need more time to come to terms with everything.

Write soon.

DC

x

**From: _Ashley Fink_ **

_Lemme get this straight. You guys are talking again, you hang out, and you watch movies together, but you’re just friends?_

**To: _Ashley Fink_**

_It’s more than I deserve, Ashley. And stop texting me, I’m busy._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_Busy fucking your brains out, I hope!_

**To: _Ashley Fink_**

_Stop being so gross, Fink. Do you ever think about anything else?_

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_Not ever since I scored that hot boyfriend of mine, no._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_Sorry not sorry._

**To: _Ashley Fink_**

_You’re lucky I have a soft spot for you. And Joey._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_You guys are pathetic. Just kiss and make up already, you know you want to._

**To: _Ashley Fink_**

_I’m not fucking this up, Ashley. Not now that I got him back. And now shush. We’re watching Friends._

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_Like I said: P A T H E T I C._

_._

“Hey,” Darren exclaimed from the other side of the couch. “Should I be offended that you’d rather play on your phone than watch a show with me?” There was no heat in his voice and there was a small smile playing on his lips, so Chris knew he wasn’t really mad.

He rolled his eyes, but slid his phone back into his pocket obediently, tucking his legs under his ass as he tried to make himself more comfortable. (He wished he could just stretch out on the sofa, but he couldn’t, not with Darren sitting there, as he would probably accidentally touch him, and that could lead to all sorts of awkward situations.)

“It was just Ashley,” he explained, reaching for the bowl of popcorn and popping one kernel into his mouth. “She’s being especially annoying today.”

Darren chuckled, helping himself to a handful of popcorn as well and continuing with his mouth full.

“I guess it’s the same kind of annoying as Naya and Joey have been, eh?”

Chris felt his face turn crimson as he shrugged, munching furiously on the popcorn. Yes, he had been aware of practically everybody making fun of their newly rediscovered friendship. It’d been hard not to get mad at them, especially at Lea, who was still on Chris’s case about his blatant display of jealousy back at _The Law._

“They’ll get tired of it,” Chris waved his hand and squirmed again in his seat, inwardly cursing his ass for being so bony. If only his ass was as round as Darren’s he wouldn’t have this problem at all. He cursed again in his mind for thinking about Darren’s ass at all, feeling the blush that was already covering his face spread to his neck.

So long for this whole thing not being awkward.

It also wasn’t helping that Darren looked especially good tonight. He was wearing his glasses, which Chris has always really liked on him, but those glasses in combination with a short-sleeved stripy polo-shirt and black jeans looked simply ravishing on the man. Chris was sure he hadn’t dressed like this on purpose, but that didn’t help at all when it came to controlling Chris’s hormones and emotions. He was still painfully attracted to the man, on top of being in love with him, and he was glued to his side of couch, not even daring to cross that invisible line in the middle.

“You can stretch your legs out, you know,” Darren rolled his eyes at him and then laughed when Chris pulled the most innocent face he could muster.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, come on, Chris, I’ve known you for a while and I know that your back will start to hurt if you don’t sit comfortably. This is not a job interview. You should be able to relax,” he said, sprawling out a little to demonstrate what he meant, like it was the easiest thing ever. “You shouldn’t have shot down my offer to bring beer, man,” he added.

This time Chris couldn’t help but scowl at him.

“I told you I didn’t think drinking would be a good idea in this particular set-up,” he said. “And you _know why_. And that’s not the only reason. I have work tomorrow,” he added, thinking of that really crucial casting call he was doing the upcoming day.

Darren averted his eyes, sighing. He reached for the remote and turned the volume down, before he turned towards Chris, his legs crossed, his gaze intense and serious.

“Look Chris,” he said, scratching the back of his neck, “we should probably talk again.”

Chris’s heart sped up in alarm.

“No,” he snapped immediately, shaking his head. “There’s nothing to talk about, really. I am totally comfortable.”

Darren’s frown only deepened.

“I really do want to be friends again, Chris,” he stressed, locking their eyes. “I’m not going to run away if you accidentally touch me, jesus. I don’t even notice when people do those things. I’m a tactile dude.”

Chris nodded, too embarrassed to speak.

“I know it’s awkward,” Darren continued. “But you want this, right? You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want to?”

Chris shook his head furiously at this.

“I do,” he hurried to say. “Of course I do. I’m just---” he huffed in frustration, screwing his eyes shut for a second. “I’m just having a harder time than I thought I would,” he finally admitted. “I’m so happy you’re even talking to me. I don’t want to screw it up.”

Darren smiled.

“Just stretch out your legs and put your freakishly large feet in my lap and you’ll see things will get easier from there.”

Chris blinked back at him.

“In your lap?”

Darren rolled his eyes.

“Shut up. Totally. I’m the best foot rubber ever,” he winked at him. “Come on,” he added, “friends do these things for each other like all the time.”

Chris hesitated, double-checking Darren’s face for any sign that he’d changed his mind, before carefully shifting again and finally, _finally,_ stretching his legs out. He then gently popped his socked feet into Darren’s lap, biting down on his lower lip.

Ok, this was weird. But it wasn’t unpleasant. Chris took a deep breath and attempted to relax a little against the couch. Darren shot him a dazzling smile and reached for the remote again, turning the volume back up.

Chris tried. He really really truly tried focusing on that episode they were watching (whatever that episode was about), but it simply wasn’t possible. Not when he and Darren were touching and there was fucking _electricity_ between them. And Darren wasn’t helping. Like, at all. He had been down right _molesting_ Chris’s feet with his fingers, rubbing and stroking and fondling them… And when Chris cleared out his throat, feeling warm all over, Darren had the cheek to look at him and _smirk. The bastard was doing it on purpose!_

“Ok, that’s enough,” Chris wanted to say, but his voice came out embarrassingly husky, which only deepened his embarrassment. He quickly pulled his feet away from Darren, plucking them back on the cold floor, half-tempted to remove his socks so he could feel the cold tile under his toes. This whole thing was stupid.

“This whole thing is stupid,” he said out loud, folding his arms over his chest. “I just… what _is_ your Deal, Darren?” he asked, his stomach flipping. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. “I don’t think friends usually rub each other’s feet in _that way_ , you know.”

Darren shrugged.

“I guess I got carried away. I just…” he frowned, trying to find the right words to say. “I guess I don’t really want to be friends with you,” he finally said, meeting Chris’s gaze.

Chris suppressed the urge to start crying, the unshed tears already burning behind his eyelids.

“Well…” he croaked, trying to clear his throat but failing again, “I guess you should go, then, if that’s what you want.”

And there it was. The sob scene in the drama that was Chris’s life. Although he promised himself he wouldn’t cry. Every fibre of his being screamed at Chris to not let Darren go. To jump at him and curl around his neck like a scarf. To never climb back down again. But apparently Darren didn’t want his friendship. He didn’t even fucking want to be here.

Darren shook his head calmly.

“No, that’s not what I want.”

And then he kissed him. And Chris was sure he had just blacked out, because there was no way this was happening, there was no way he was back in Darren’s arms again after such a long time. His hands slid under Darren’s shirt on their own accord, gripping at his sides, as if to make sure he was really there. Meanwhile, Darren’s lips kept sliding against his own, his fingers resting lightly against Chris’s jaw.

Chris forced them apart for a moment. Darren’s pupils were blown wide and they were both panting.

“I thought you needed more time,” Chris breathed, eyes glued to how shiny Darren’s lips were with spit after their kiss. He was dying to go back there and kiss them swollen, arousal flaring deep inside his belly.

“That was enough time, apparently,” Darren raised one eyebrow and reached out to slide his hand down Chris’s chest. Chris gulped, despite the obvious ridiculousness of the situation.

“Sounds like you were outvoted by your own libido,” he said jokingly.

Darren chuckled, his eyes darkening even further.

“Well, my libido is known for its good taste,” he shot back. “But really,” he quickly added, as if he was afraid Chris would take those words seriously. “I want this,” he stressed. “I’m done overthinking this. I want _you_.” Darren’s eyes were glued to Chris’s lips.

Chris took a deep breath.

“I just hope that you won’t regret this tomorrow,” he said and then he practically jumped at Darren, attacking his mouth with furious kisses. To be honest, at that point, he wasn’t even worried about Darren possibly doing this for all the wrong reasons. He needed him. Whatever would happen tomorrow… he could deal with that later.

They continued making out on the couch, not even bothering to take it to Chris’s bedroom, stripping each other of their clothes between kisses and scrambling all over the place for lube and condoms.

“I missed you so much,” Darren mumbled into Chris’s hair as he pressed into him, groaning when Chris arched under him. Chris closed his eyes and continued sucking a bruise into the sensitive skin of Darren’s neck, determined to somewhat make this whole thing real, because he was convinced he had dreamed this whole thing.

They made it to the bedroom for the second round.

.

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_So has he fucked your brains out yet?_

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_Colfer, it is fucking polite to reply to a lady’s text._

**To: _Ashley Fink_**

_How long have you known????_

**From: _Ashley Fink_**

_Oh honey, it was fairly obvious. Congrats on the sex._

**To: _Ashley Fink_**

_You’re not a lady and you’re still gross._

x

When Chris woke up the next morning, it was still dark outside and Darren was gone.

Determined not to let it get under his skin (because really, he had expected it, hadn’t he?), he rolled out of the bed and forced himself to his feet, resisting the urge to dive back in and stick his head under the pillow. There was a strong bittersweet taste in his mouth and Chris had to clutch at his stomach for a while to make sure he wasn’t going to throw up. He felt numb.

 _Pull yourself together, Colfer,_ he thought, dragging his pliant body into the shower and only relaxing when the hot spray of water finally hit the top of his head.

He would get through this day, if it was the last thing he would do.

The drive to the studio was uneventful. Chris pulled up in front of the offices with half an hour to spare, so he dug Ryan’s notebook from his backpack and found the right page, hoping that reading the note again would cheer him up.

_Casting BLAINE for “Never Been Kissed”, male, 18-26, deep smooth singing voice but will cover lots of pop tunes by female artists, neutral accent, attends an all-boys private school in Westerville, will become Kurt’s mentor and later love interest, actor must click with Chris._

Yep, that never failed to cheer him up. Chris’s love life may have been kind of shit right now, but at least Kurt’s love-life looked like it was going to go uphill, finally, judging by this casting description. Or so Chris could hope, since he still hadn’t forgotten what happened the last time they cast someone to be Kurt’s love interest. But then maybe that was one of the reasons why Ryan decided Chris should cast this person by himself. So that he could make sure they would have great chemistry. And oh boy, Chris would make damn sure.

Taking a deep breath, he stuffed the notebook back into his backpack and got out of the car, ready to face the day.

Chris had been looking forward to casting the character of Blaine for weeks and so he was beside himself when he found out there were already over 100 people lined up at the studio. Even if it was bound to be a long day, he could already feel he was going to find him today. Pulling a face at Lea, who was hanging around the offices today for some reason, her face a picture of pure innocence, he shut himself in one of the rooms and called in the first person.

The thing about being the person actually _doing_ the castings that Chris hadn’t previously realised, was that he would have to say “no” to a lot of people, which made his stomach turn on more than one occasion. There had been so many guys who had gotten really really close to what Chris had envisioned for Blaine, but there was always something wrong. Either their voice was off, or their attitude stank, or when they read a scene with Chris, it was like…. _mah_.

Suddenly, the day become way longer and more tiring than Chris had predicted. Saying no to people, crushing their dreams, and then forcing them to sign an embarrassing clause that bound them not to speak to anyone about his appearance was simply draining. Plus, he didn’t even enjoy his lunch, because Lea, Naya, and Dianna, who sat at the opposite end of the table (and seriously, what were they even all doing there?) kept constantly giggling to each other like schoolgirls and throwing him really disconcerting glances. In the end, he just threw the rest of his salad in the trash and dragged himself back to the office, ready to see another potential Blaine.

When he saw Darren enter the room, dressed in a pink checkered button-down (of all things) though, he nearly passed out. Or he at least thought he had passed out and gone to some screwed up alternative reality, because there was no way in hell Darren was here.

“Hello,” said Darren, and Chris opened and closed his mouth in shock, unable to speak.

“My name is Darren Criss and I’m from San Francisco. I’m here to audition for the part of Blaine.”

“But what-” Chris finally found his voice, even if it was weak and hoarse, and started getting out of his chair. Truthfully, he didn’t even know what he was gonna do once he was on his feet, but he felt like he needed to stand up, because otherwise he really _was_ going to pass out in that chair.

“Chris,” darren raised his hand to stop him from continuing. “I’m… Ryan told me to come to this casting. Just…” he ran his hand through his hair in an anxious gesture, “would you just listen first, please?”

Chris blinked back at him a few times, before settling back down and managing a nod.

 _Dammit, Ryan Murphy,_ he thought.

“When you’re ready,” he rasped.

Darren shot him a tiny smile and took off his guitar that had been strapped to his back, taking it out of its case and fumbling with the strings for a while before nodding to indicate that he was ready.

“This is my auditioning song,” he explained, rather needlessly in Chris’s opinion, and then he sat down on the stool and closed his eyes in concentration. [When he started plucking at the strings,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMq1GjWikbs) Chris’s breath hitched, because he fucking _knew_ this song. Darren must have finally finished it.

And then when Darren started singing and Chris got to listen to the whole text, he felt like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room. _I still think that we’re in love?_ he thought, his heart hammering against his ribcage so hard he worried it was going to break through. Did that mean…? Could that possibly mean…?

Darren finished the song and got up, leaving the guitar resting against the stool.

“Chris,” he said, walking up towards him and crouching down so close their knees were touching. “What I meant to say is… I love you too.”

And once again, Chris couldn’t speak. He, the wordsmith, the big casting director, the actor, the performer, _couldn’t speak._ He looked Darren in the eye, their gazes locking, and suddenly he found his voice like _that_.

“Oh my god. I love you, Darren, you big idiot,” he breathed and surged forward, wrapping his hands against the older man and burying his face into his neck, incredibly pleased with himself when he found out the bruise he’d sucked there the night before was still there. It was all real.

“So does this mean I got the job?” Darren chuckled into his hair, his hand already rubbing soothing circles on Chris’s back.

Chris replied by pulling away and attacking his mouth.

**x**

3 years later

**x**

**A VERY GLEE-FUL REVEAL**

LA, California: After five seasons of secrets surrounding the cult radio show _Glee,_ whose final episode was broadcasted last Sunday on _Radio Fox_ , the cast of the talented voice actors and performers has finally been revealed.

The cast of the famous dramedy made an appearance at the public announcement of their brand new live-action movie based on the series and we got the exclusive scoop on who is who.

_**from left to right:** Chris Colfer (“Kurt”), Lea Michelle (“Rachel”), Cory Monteith (“Finn”), Dianna Argon (“Quinn”), Kevin McHale (“Artie”) and Darren Criss (“Blaine”)_

The stars of _Glee_ revealed that while there are no plans for more episodes of the radio show in the future, the showrunner Ryan Murphy isn’t terribly opposed to the idea of taking the story to the small screen. Ryan Murphy himself confirmed that plans would be made based on the success of the movie and the interest of the audience.

Speaking of the audience, there were over 2 000 people present at the event, all fans of the show, demanding to take pictures with the cast, finally able to put faces to the soulful voices they’d been hearing on the radio for five whole years.

“I personally think it’s really cool that they waited with the reveal after the show was over,” said Carrie, 22 years old fan from Dunsmuir, CA. “It was well worth the wait.”

 **_COMING SOON:_ ** _Exclusive interview with showrunner Ryan Murphy. How he decided to create a show about underdogs in high school and what were his reasons for keeping the cast secret for five years._

_._

**COMMENT SECTION**

**Milayla:** oh, my. god. How are they all so hot?! The guy who plays Artie especially?! Honestly, Ryan Murphy, why would you hide these people away? There are actors who are made for the radio and then there are actors made for the screen! This is the second kind, Ryan! Fuck, I need a cold shower now.

 **Klainestiel:** I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! My OTP is the most beautiful OTP to ever OTP! Look at that size difference, I want to eat my nose!!! Now if only they stood next to each other :$ #klaine #darrencriss #chriscolfer

 **Kurtstan1992:** Aww, Chris Colfer is so so so cute! I can’t believe we’re actually getting a live action movie with these people! #blessed

 **JayBritt:** Holly molly, Darren Criss has been Blaine the whole time???? The guy with Disney covers from YouTube??? How did I not recognise his voice??? This is blowing my mind!

 **Rainbowspy:** Well, I sure hope I’ll be appearing in this movie, you guys! They wouldn’t dare leaving the Warblers out, would they? ;)

 **JayBritt:** Rainbowspy, SHUT THE FRONT DOOR YOU ARE NOT *hyperventilating*

 **DebraSagem:** Finchel!!!! Anyone know if they’re dating in real life? Because they should if they’re not. Also, holy shit, Dianna Argon is probably the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen?! Ryan Murphy certainly knew what he was doing when he cast these incredibly beautiful and incredibly talented people! Hats off!

 **Shinybee:** I’m just bursting at the seams right now, not gonna lie. HOW ARE WE SO LUCKY??? #klaine #crisscolfer

 **DebraSagem:** Shinybee, you spelled Chris Colfer wrong, haha, you made it look like the other guy’s surname. That’s funny.

 **Shinybee:** I spelled it exactly the way I wanted to spell it, my dear.

 **MasterGrey:** Shinybee, Honestly, how is there already a shipname for that? You have known for five seconds! Not that I’m protesting.

 **Jothekurtsie:** Oh my god. I actually know these dweebs in real life. THEY NEVER TOLD ME THEY WERE THE GLEE CAST. IT IS ALL SO OBVIOUS NOW. I FEEL LIKE A FOOL. Also, Shinybee, wink wink, nudge nudge, FYI.

 **Shinybee: *** spontaneously combusts ***** Crisscolfer, man...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. That's the end. I am hoping I didn't disappoint anyone. I loved writing this story from the beginning to the very end. There was something very special about having Darren and Chris meet over the internet, I have to say. I also immensely enjoyed writing Ryan Murphy in this story, not gonna lie. Sometimes I think Glee would actually work better as a podcast, but then that's just me. ;)  
> I would like to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart for making it this far. For reading, kudosing, and generally being wonderful and patient. I will never forget this.  
> Special thanks go to Asia, Bee, Jen, Grey, and Tere for being supportive of this idea from the very start.  
> You all fucking rock and I will miss you and the whole CC fandom dearly. It's been quite the ride.  
> (If you ever want to come see me outside of AO3, you'll find me on tumblr under the URL prideofportree.)


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